


How I See Him

by WinJennster



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Baltimore, Dark, Dean-Centric, INDEFINITE HIATUS, M/M, Parental Abuse, Runaway, Slow Build, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-11
Updated: 2015-10-28
Packaged: 2018-03-01 00:38:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 15
Words: 61,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2753129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WinJennster/pseuds/WinJennster
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>*This fic is on indefinite hiatus. I no longer know where the story is going and need to figure that out, but I don't know if I will. I may not come back to this. I'm sorry.*</p><p>Something horrible happened to Dean Smith, but the people around him don't know what it was. He turns up in Dundalk, Maryland, a suburb of Baltimore, at Benny's Boulevard Diner. Benny and his wife, Andrea, take him in, and he makes new friends - a nerd-girl named Charlie, and a very quiet boy named Castiel.<br/>They become his family, and this story is told through their eyes. Dean becomes a fixture in their world, mediating arguments between Benny and Andrea; watching Star Trek marathons with Charlie; and spending most of his free time with Castiel.<br/>Through it all, they wonder, who is Dean Smith? Where did he come from? - but the answers don't come, even as Cas falls in love with the broken boy with the freckles.<br/>Until one day, a ghost from Dean's past threatens to rip everything he and Castiel are building to shreds.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Benny's Boulevard Diner

_Red._

Red, shiny, slick, and that  _smell_.

Red everywhere, on everything.

There was so much blood.

Wide hazel eyes staring at him in fear.

The knife slipped from his blood splattered hand, falling to the floor with a loud clatter.

A whispered voice -  _what did you do?_  - and then he was running.

Running hard and fast, and never looking back.

* * *

"He's here again."

Andrea Lafitte hissed the words at her husband before grabbing a tray of sandwiches and heading back to the dining room.

Benny sighed.

He finished the burger he was making, slid it onto a plate and dumped a mess of fries next to it. The boy's eyes followed the plate as Sherrie scooped it up for table four.

Benny had seen hungry kids before. Saw 'em lots of times, in fact. This part of Baltimore, the economy wasn't so great. All the big factory jobs had dried up, and a lot of folks just didn't have much anymore. Still, this boy's hunger - it was strong. It was strong, and it was shriveling him up inside.

He'd seen him three times in the last seven days. Dirty light brown hair, pink lips almost too pretty for a boy, freckles dusting across every square inch of exposed skin - he'd come in, order a coffee and a water, sit for a bit, sometimes an hour or two, then leave. He always paid, and he only ever ordered coffee, but watched food go by longingly, often taking deep, gulping breaths of the aromas.

He was starving. Benny was sure of it.

Andrea was a good hearted woman. She really was. But it made her nervous to have this unwashed teen sitting in her diner not ordering anything. Benny thought maybe he understood. It was February, after all, cold and miserable. Boy probably just came in to warm up for a bit. Likely, he was homeless, broke, and bought the coffee when he could scrape up a $1.15 plus tax in coins from the street. He'd only allow himself two cups, and then he'd leave.

He was halfway through his second cup now.

The kid looked worse since the last time he'd been in, thinner, dirtier. Dark shadows ringed the underside of dull green eyes. He looked ill; filthy. Benny couldn't take it anymore.

"Carlos, buddy, take over here, brotha."

"You got it boss."

Benny scooped up a menu, grabbed a basket of rolls and some butter. He walked out to the dining room, plenty aware of Andrea's eyes on him, aware that she probably knew what he was doing and didn't approve.

He slid into the booth across from the kid, who startled and looked up.

"Hey there. I'm Benny. Own this here place."

The kid stared blankly at him. Benny handed him the menu.

"What can I get you to eat, son?"

Cheeks flushed bright red, and the kid stared down at the tabletop. "Coffee's fine," he mumbled, so soft Benny almost didn't hear it.

"Now, I know you can't afford it. That's fine. That ain't what I'm askin'. I'm askin' what you want to eat, son."

"Can't - I mean - I -"

"Look," Benny said gently, "I know it's been a long time since you ate. How long's it been? Two days? Three?"

"A week," the kid whispered, and he shivered, one lone tear cutting a path through the dirt on his cheek.

"Damn. Alright, look. Anythin' off the menu. Ain't askin' for nothin' in exchange, but you ain't gonna leave without somethin' in your belly."

"But -"

"No buts, kid. What's your name, anyhow?"

"Dean," he murmured.

"Alright, Dean. You like burgers?"

He nodded.

"Cheese and bacon? Fries?"

Dean nodded again. "Extra onions," he mumbled.

"Extra onions. How 'bout pie. Like pie?"

The first flicker of a grin danced across Dean's face as he nodded again.

"Alright, then. I'm gonna go make you some fries, a bacon cheeseburger, and a chocolate shake. Sound good?"

"Yessir."

"Don't you sir me. I'm only forty-two for pete's sake." Benny scooped the menu off the table. "Help yourself to that bread while I'm gettin' this."

He walked back to the kitchen, grinning when he heard the soft scratch of the bread basket against the Formica table top.

"I swear, Benjamin Lafitte. Ain't never gonna get out of Dundalk if you keep this up." Andrea slammed a plate down on the prep counter. "Feed one stray, end up feedin' all of them."

"'Drea -"

"And then we'll have a line out the door. Ain't got nothin' against soup kitchens, but I ain't runnin' one!"

"'Drea -"

"I mean, seriously, Benny. We're so close to being able to sell this dump and move back to New Orleans -"

"Stop pickin' on my diner. A week, 'Drea."

She frowned, soft pale skin wrinkling on her forehead. "What?"

"He ain't eaten in a week. Had to 'Drea. Poor kid, looks like he's maybe eighteen, and hasn't eaten in a week. I won't take in all the strays, I swear, but -"

"A week?" she asked quietly, expression softening.

"Yeah."

"Oh."

Benny tossed two burger patties on the grill. "So I'm gonna feed him. Send him on his way. I doubt he'll be back. I think he's embarrassed. Probably gonna up and disappear." He flipped the burger patties and tossed some bacon on the grill. "Wonder what his story is, anyway? Awful young to be out here in the world all alone, huh?"

"It happens, Benny." Andrea peered out the window at where Dean was sitting, chewing carefully on a roll. "He seems to have good table manners. Guess someone raised him up right, at least."

"Hmm." Benny put a couple of slices of cheddar on a patty, added two slices of bacon. He added the second patty, more cheese, more bacon. Andrea handed him a plate with the bun ready to go, and he slipped the patties onto it, set lettuce, tomato, and a pickle spear on the plate and a stack of onions on top.

"Too many onions," Andrea protested.

"Kid said extra onions. So extra onions."

Andrea didn't say a thing when he put the equivalent of two orders of fries on the plate. Setting the plate in the warmer, he quickly made a chocolate milkshake, leaving a bunch of ice cream in the bottom of the mixer. Benny grabbed the plate, the milkshake, and the mixer cup, and hip checked the swinging kitchen door.

"Here ya go, kid," he announced cheerfully, setting everything on the table.

Dean's eyes went comically wide. "Holy cow."

"Eat up, ok?"

He nodded enthusiastically, reaching for the shake and taking a nice, long pull through the straw. Benny left him too it.

Back in the kitchen, he helped Carlos fill more orders, tossing a large wedge of pecan pie in the warmer for when the kid was done.

A short time later, he was sitting back in front of the kid, watching as he inhaled the pie.

"Pecan is my favorite," Dean said happily. "Thank you. I was so hungry and -" His cheeks flushed scarlet. "Anyway, thank you."

"Welcome." Benny patted Dean's hand. "See ya around, kiddo. Ever get hard up like that 'gain, you come see me. Ok?"

Dean nodded.

"Alright then." Benny smiled, and went back to the kitchen.

Dinner rush started not long after that, and he didn't think about Dean for the rest of the day.

* * *

Driving home on Wise Avenue that evening, Benny did think about Dean again. Andrea was dozing in the passenger seat, as Benny signaled, and a boy passed crossed Lynch Road in front of the car.

He was a little older than Dean, not by much, and the angry, hardened eyes that stared back at him were nothing like the sad, green eyes he'd seen in his diner that afternoon. He wondered if Dean had a place to sleep that night. The temperature was dropping fast. It was 28 degrees and falling.

Benny parked the car in front of their little rowhouse on Grey Haven Road and shut it off. He hoped Dean was safe - and he hoped he'd see him again.

Three days later, he got his wish.

* * *

"I could wash dishes. Clean floors."

"Jesus!" Benny stumbled back, almost falling through the back door and into the kitchen. "Scared me half to death, Dean!"

"I'm sorry. I didn't - I'll go." The kid's face fell, as he shoved his hands into his dirty jacket and turned away.

"Don't go, c'mon. You jus' scared me. Ain't no big thing. Come back here."

Dean shuffled back to the bottom of the stairs, but didn't look up.

"Now, you askin' me for a job?" he asked gently.

"Well, no - I mean - I just -" His shoulders slumped. "I'm hungry. I thought maybe I could do chores for a burger, maybe a couple of pieces of toast. I um," Dean sniffled, rubbed at his eyes, but still didn't look up. "I'm so hungry. And I don't want to keep bothering you. I had some money, but I - I -"

Benny's heart clenched as two fat tears rolled down Dean's face and dripped onto the dirty coat.

"I lost it. Well, someone took it." He looked up, expression totally wrecked. "Just a couple of pieces of toast. And I'll take trash out, or clean or something. Please?" he pleaded, eyes wide.

Sighing, Benny dropped heavily onto the stairs, wincing at the feel of the cold metal under his ass. "Where's your folks, kid?"

Dean shuddered. "Don't have any."

"Ok. Look, I actually need a busboy. How 'bout I pay you for your work? Give you a job? How old are ya, anyways?"

"Twenty-one."

Huh. Benny was sure he was younger. Maybe it was the thinness - maybe he was lying - Benny didn't care.

"Ain't got no one?"

"No," Dean shivered. "Just me."

"Ok, look. Now you're probably lying to me about something, probably your age. I don't think I care. C'mon in, let's get you in somethin' clean, wash your hands and face. Gonna start you washin' dishes. Thing you can handle that?"

Dean nodded.

"Alright. Let's get you somethin' to eat first. But at any rate, you got a job, ok? Long as you ain't a deadbeat, and show up and work, I'll pay you, and you can eat free once every shift. Alright?"

Dean nodded again.

"Well, let's get you started."

* * *

Dean proved to be a very good employee. He showed up well before his shift, worked hard, did extra work without being asked, and never gave Benny a reason to regret hiring him.

It was a full week before Benny discovered the kid was most definitely homeless.

"He's been sleeping between the dumpster and the building. Shit, Ben, I didn't know, or I'd have told you sooner."

Benny looked at Dean, sitting in his office with head hanging.

"I found him this morning. Almost decked him," Carlos said softly. "He scared me half to death. I asked him, he said he was just early for work, but then I saw this old ratty blanket back there, put two and two together - anyway. Poor kid. He's such a nice kid."

"Ok. Lemme go talk to him." Benny patted Carlos on the back, before crossing the kitchen to his office. He went inside, quietly shutting the door behind him. "Hey, Dean-o," he said softly.

"Please don't call me that," Dean whispered, shoulders shaking.

"Alright." Benny sat at his desk, folding his hands on top. "Wanna talk 'bout it?"

Dean shook his head, but didn't look up. "Just get it over with," he mumbled.

"Get what over with?"

"Just fire me. I'll go. It's ok."

"Fire you - why the hell would I fire you?"

Dean sniffled. "'Cause I'm useless. Got nowhere to go, come to work all dirty. Eat your food. Should jus' go." Tears streamed down Dean's face, but he didn't look up. He reached down and gathered his things.

"Dean, I want you to stay. You're a good kid, an' you work hard. Don't give me or Carlos no trouble. I want you to stay. But you can't sleep behind the dumpster. Get your stuff together. I'm gonna take you home."

"What?" Dean's head shot up, and he stared at Benny in amazement. "Why - why would you do that?"

"I got an extra room. It's a finished basement, has its own bathroom. I can bump you up to full time here, and you can rent it from me. $100 a month," Benny said, coming up with a number that wouldn't hurt Dean's pride, but wouldn't hurt his pockets either. "There's a fridge and a microwave down there. Buy your own food, come and go as you please. But you come stay with me and 'Drea, alright?"

To his horror, Dean burst into tears and started sobbing, his thin frame shaking with the force of it.

"Aw, what's wrong? C'mon, Dean." Benny moved around from the desk and went down on one knee. "Ain't that bad. It's little but it's comfy and warm. There's already a bed down there, and a TV, and you can fix it up -"

"Not that," Dean wailed, "just can't stand you being so nice to me. I don't deserve it, Benny!"

"Son, you work hard here. That's enough for me. I don't mind giving you a place to live."

"But -"

"Dean, it'll make me feel better to know you got a roof over your head. Jus' let me do this, 'k? I don't care what your story is. Ain't got to tell me. Just clean up after yourself, pay your rent, show up for work. That's all I'm askin'. Alright?"

Dean nodded, and swiped at the tears still rolling down his face.

"By the way, kid. You got a last name?"

"Win- Smith. It's Smith."

That was a bald face lie, but Benny didn't care.

"Ok, Dean Smith. Get your stuff. I'm gonna take you home, and show you the room. Take today off, get a shower, sleep. Alright?"

Dean nodded again.

"Alright then."

* * *

"This here's the bathroom. Here's your little fridge, and there's some cabinets to store stuff in. Jus' keep it clean. Don't want no mice or roaches down here. Washer and dryer's upstairs, but no offense - 'til we get to know you a bit better, gonna have to do laundry when one of us is home. Upstairs door'll be locked otherwise." Benny handed Dean a key. "This'll get you in an' out. Gonna schedule you same time as me for now, which means you'll be workin' some ten hour shifts. Might start training you to cook. See how it goes."

Dean wasn't listening. Dean was running his hand along the battered loveseat, staring admiringly at the second-hand TV on the chipped and scratched entertainment center. He lovingly touched the old quilt on the twin bed in the corner, and switched on the lamp with the dented metal Orioles shade.

"This is so nice," he murmured, more to himself than Benny.

"Aw, ain't much kiddo -"

"Better than the dumpster," Dean shot back, sending Benny a grin that made his heart warm. There was a flicker of sass in there, maybe a glimpse of who this kid used to be, before whatever happened to him took all the light out of his eyes.

"Well. Huh. Anyways - towels and soap in the bathroom, and some of my old sweats and tees in the dresser. Why don't you get a shower, and bring all your old stuff up? We'll toss it in the wash, and I'll make us somethin' to eat. Sound good?"

Dean nodded vaguely, already slipping out of his ratty boots.

"Alright." Benny made himself scarce. He smiled when he got to the top of the steps.

Dean was singing  _Ramble On_  softly under his breath.

…

Charlie Bradbury was having a bad day. A beyond the pale, step in dog shit, slip on a banana peel, break a nail bad day.

Nobody, after all, likes getting fired. Besides, was it really her fault that she's smarter than pretty much everyone she's ever met?

At any rate, Dick Roman definitely lived up to his name.

She sighed as she shoved open the chrome and glass door at Benny's Boulevard Diner. She had no idea how she'd ended up in Dundalk instead of home in Fells Point, but one lousy wrong MTA bus, and there she was.

A pretty lady with dark hair smiled at her. "Sit anywhere, hon. Someone'll be right with you," she said, with a soft southern accent.

Charlie nodded, taking the proffered menu. She slid into the first available booth and let out another deep sigh.

"Bad day?"

A boy, probably not much older than her, was clearing dirty plates at the opposite booth. He wore ratty jeans, and a white t-shirt, but both garments, and his white apron, were spotlessly clean. Even his black work boots had a bit of shine to them.

"Mmm. Yeah. Not like, destruction of Alderaan bad, but definitely delusions of grandeur, frozen in Carbonite bad."

He froze, then grinned, dimples appearing on freckled cheeks. "What, not like, Luke, I am your father bad?"

Charlie scoffed. "Nothing is that bad."

"Seriously? Luke, I am your father is worse than Alderaan going kablooie and a great disturbance in the force?"

"Huh. You might have a point."

"How 'bout ship full of tribbles bad?"

"How a medieval dickweed killed Ted bad?"

"One point twenty-one gigawatts bad?"

"Or Goa'uld are invading the Earth bad?"

"War with Guilder bad?"

"Come with me if you want to live bad."

"Whoa," the guy said, holding his hands up in surrender, "pretty sure that's as bad as it gets."

Charlie laughed and extended her hand. "Charlie Bradbury; sassy ginger, nerd, wizard, queen, and dungeon master."

"Dean Smith," he smiled, taking her hand and shaking it, "pie-lover, car nut, sci-fi enthusiast, and bus boy. Nice to make your acquaintance, your majesty." He bowed, and lightly kissed her hand.

"You're kind of cool, Dean Smith."

"And you are most awesome, Charlie Bradbury." He finished wiping down the other table, and looked at the empty seat across from her. "Waiting for someone?"

"Nah. I just got fired, and I took the wrong bus, and ended up in Dundalk instead of home."

"Where's home?"

Charlie smiled, relieved that he didn't ask why she got fired. "Fells Point."

"Huh. Only been here about a month, so I don't really know where that is."

"Oh, well it's down on the waterfront in the city."

"So still Baltimore?"

"Yup." Charlie watched him clean another table. "So where are you from?"

Dean paled, and the cheerful grin ran away from his face. "Everywhere," he muttered, scooping up his bus tray and walking briskly towards the kitchen.

"Was it something I said?" Charlie frowned. She looked down at the menu.

"What can I get you, hon?" The pretty lady from before smiled down at her, pen poised over her order pad.

"Oh. I'm sorry. I wasn't looking. I was talking to the bus boy. He seems nice."

The lady looked through the order window, where a big man with a beard was talking to Dean, who was staring down at the ground. Bearded dude seemed to be comforting Dean, patting his shoulder with a meaty hand.

"Dean's a nice boy. He's very quiet. That's why I didn't come over sooner. It was nice to see him smilin'."

"Wow. What's his story?"

"We're not really sure. He plays his cards close, but someone hurt him. Hurt him real bad, and my husband, Benny, he took him in. He lives in our basement, keeps himself clean, and works far harder than he has too." She looked away from Benny and Dean, and smiled sadly at Charlie. "I don't know why I'm dumpin' all of this on you. I'm sorry."

"It's ok. I had a pretty bad day. I appreciate the distraction. He seems so nice, though."

"Oh he is, believe me." She patted Charlie's hand and slid into the booth opposite of her. "Gonna take a load off for a minute while you look through the menu. I'm Andrea, by the way."

"Charlie."

"Lovely to meet you, Charlie. So what made your day so bad, if you don't mind my askin'?"

"Got fired," she grimaced. "Too smart for my misogynistic dickwad boss. Not my fault he erased all his own email 'cause he's stupid. Anyway, I'm supposed to be the resident computer whiz, but I couldn't retrieve it. I'm pretty sure he was doing shady stuff and I think he knows I found out. That's why I got fired. Moron."

"Sorry to hear that."

Charlie flipped the menu. "I liked that job, too. And now I'm out of a job, and probably going to lose my apartment."

"Willin' to learn how to wait tables?"

"Huh?" Charlie looked up in surprise and Andrea grinned at her.

"If my hubby can take in a stray, so can I. And I'm short a waitress. You're sweet, and friendly, and you'll make good tips here. We're a staple in Dundalk, and we have a solid regular crowd that tips real good. I'll train you myself."

"Really?" Charlie asked, "you'd do that for me? You don't even know me!"

Andrea looked through the window, her pretty eyes tracking Dean and Benny as they moved around the kitchen. Her expression was equal parts sad and thoughtful, as she said quietly, "Everyone deserves a second chance."

"Wow. Thank you so much. I'll take it!"

"Good," Andrea said, turning back to smile at Charlie. "First meal's on the house, and maybe later you can look at our pathetic ordering system, since Benny and I don't know anything about it. Could use a computer whiz 'round here." She patted Charlie's hand again.

"Sure! Ok, I'll have a BLT with fries, please. And a Coke?"

"You got it. Comin' right up sweetheart." Andrea stood, took her menu, and walked towards the back, sliding the ticket towards Benny. "Benny, this here BLT's for our new server, Charlie Bradbury." She pointed towards Charlie.

Benny leaned down, blue eyes sparkling as he waved through the window at Charlie. "Welcome to the family, cher!" he said, thick accent making her smile.

Dean caught her eyes through the window and offered a shy smile, which she returned happily.

_Welcome to the family._  She turned the words over and over in her head.

Maybe she didn't take the wrong bus after all.

  
  



	2. Welcome to the Family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did some minor editing to chapter 1 to fix some timeline issues (there were things mentioned in the previous chapter that didn't exist yet. Dean's real age is revealed in this chapter, and you should be able to figure out the year from that). Thanks for reading!

 

 

 

About a month and a half after Dean moved in, Benny found himself in the kitchen at three in the morning. There was a pretty good chance he shouldn't have had that last piece of pizza before bed, and the look 'Drea gave him when he did probably wasn't helping.

He poured a nice tall glass of milk and rooted through the junk drawer for the pack of Rolaids that he stashed in there for occasions just like this. Then, like he did almost every night, he opened the door at the top of the stairs and listened for Dean's soft snores - only tonight, Dean wasn't snoring. He was whimpering, choked-off little  _no's_  drifting up the steps.

Benny frowned and set his milk on the table. He walked down the first several steps, until he could just see Dean in his bed, blue light from the  _Budweiser_  sign on the wall illuminating the expression of terror on his face.

Dean thrashed in the sheets, a muffled cry of "please, stop!" traveling up the stairs.

Switching on the light, Benny all but ran down the steps, crossing the room to gather Dean in his arms.

"Buddy, it's ok. I'm right here. Wake up, Dean, wake up!"

"Dad, no!" Dean screamed, and slammed his fist into Benny's jaw. It was a sloppy hit, and he'd seen it coming. Benny avoided most of it, but the boy's fist still made an impact. He grabbed for Dean's wrists, pinning them down at his sides.

"It's me, Dean! It's Benny!"

Screaming incoherently, Dean struggled, fighting against the hold on his wrists. "No! No! Let me go, no, Dad, no! NO!"

Yanking his arms loose, he shoved Benny as hard as he could, toppling them both off the bed in the process. Tangled in the blankets, Dean landed with a hard thump on the floor, immediately curling into a tight ball and burrowing backwards under the bed frame.

"Benny?"

"He's havin' a nightmare, 'Drea. Can't seem to wake him up. Was screamin' at his Dad or somethin'."

Andrea frowned and gathered the folds of her nightgown. "Dean, honey," she murmured soothingly, kneeling beside the bed. "Dean, I need you to wake up. C'mon sweetheart."

Dean whimpered from beneath the bed.

"It's ok. No one here is going to hurt you." She changed position, laying down flat and reaching one arm beneath the bed.

Benny tensed, terrified that Dean was going to strike her, but he didn't move.

"It's ok," she soothed. "You're alright, and everything's fine. You're ok, Dean. No one's going to hurt you."

Dean whispered something to her, and she nodded. He let her take his hand and pull him out from under the bed, his face flushed bright red in the low light. The sharp scent of urine hung heavy in the air, likely the cause of Dean's embarrassment.

"It's ok, son," Andrea said softly, helping him to his feet. "Go on, get cleaned up, and join Benny and me upstairs. I'll cut you a piece of pie and make you some tea. Ok?"

Nodding, Dean grabbed a few things out of his dresser and disappeared into the bathroom. When the water switched on, Andrea sighed, her shoulders slumping. "That was horrible. My god. Did he scream 'Dad stop'?"

"Yup."

"Huh. That both answers and raises questions. That poor boy. Oh, Benny," she breathed, "I'm so glad you took him in like you did. 'Magine if he was still runnin' the streets -" her breath hitched, and she covered her mouth with a shaking hand.

"But we did take him in. He's with us, and we're gonna keep him safe. Now why don't you go on up and get that pie out? I'm gonna clean up his floor right quick."

Andrea nodded, caught him in a quick hug, and walked back up the stairs.

Sighing, Benny gathered a mop and bucket, cleaning the linoleum under Dean's bed quickly. Next, he grabbed the damp blankets and shoved them in a laundry basket. Fetching another blanket from the closet, Benny remade Dean's bed. He was upstairs making a cup of coffee when Dean joined him and Andrea in the kitchen. The boy slipped silently into a chair, hands hidden in an overlarge Orioles sweatshirt. It had been Benny's, and while Benny was sure that in time, Dean would be taller than him, he was still painfully thin, and everything, even the items they'd picked up just for him, were miles too big on Dean.

"Here you go," Andrea said softly, setting a warm piece of apple cranberry pie in front of Dean, and a cup of herbal tea.

Dean didn't move. He stared down at the floor, hands in his lap.

"Dean, honey," Andrea began, sitting down next to him, "it's just pie. Nice and warm. Might make you feel a little better." She reached out and laid a hand on Dean's shoulder.

He flinched violently, and all the color left her face.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry," she murmured, but didn't pull her hand back, just continued to rub across his shoulders in a soothing pattern.

"Wanna talk 'bout it?" Benny asked quietly.

Dean shook his head vehemently.

"Alrigh' then." Benny pulled his own piece of pie closer and dug in.

Andrea finished hers and put the plate in the sink. Dean still hadn't touched his, sitting eerily still and rigid at the table. There was minute tremble in his shoulders, but Benny intended to ignore that.

"Well, boys, I'm going back up." She leaned down and kissed the top of Benny's head, then carefully patted Dean's shoulder. "See you in the morning." As Andrea left the kitchen, she cast Benny a look over the back of Dean's head, very clearly saying _talk to him_  with her eyes. Benny nodded. Finishing his pie, Benny slid the plate to the side.

"Ok, just us guys here - wanna tell me what happened? Who you runnin' from, Dean?"

Dean didn't answer. He stared at his sleeve covered hands.

"Buddy, I jus' want to -"

"I can be gone by morning," Dean whispered.

"What? Why?"

"You don't want me here, right? You're going to ask me to leave. Let's just get it over with."

Benny's heart clenched. "I don't want you to leave, Dean. I don't know why you'd think that. 'Drea and I - well we - anyway. We can't have kids, Dean. And both of us is starting to think of you like a son. I don't know why the hell you think we'd ask you to leave."

Dean looked up, eyes wide. "Really?" he asked softly.

"Yeah, I mean sure, I'd like to know where you come from and why you're out here all 'lone, but ain't gonna ask you to leave."

"Oh." Dean sat quietly for a moment. He pulled the piece of pie closer and took a bite.

"Few things I do want to know, though."

His face blanched.

"Don't go and get upset. I got a feelin' you need protectin' from somebody. No matter what you tell me tonight, I ain't gonna send you away. I need you trust me on that, ok?"

Dean nodded slowly.

"Alrigh'. First, how old are you? For real this time."

"Sixteen."

"Damn. When's your birthday?"

"About two months ago. January 24th."

"So you just turned sixteen?"

"Yeah."

"Aw, damn kid. Shit." Benny scratched his head while Dean slowly ate his pie. "So something happened to you. Someone hurt you bad, huh?"

Dean nodded again.

"You need to disappear?"

"Yeah."

"Huh. Well, jus' so happens, I know a guy. He can make you eighteen and make your name legally Dean Smith, since I know that ain't right either."

"Well, the Dean part is right. I don't have a middle name."

"Oh." Benny scratched his head, watching quietly while Dean finished his pie. "Sixteen, huh?"

"Yeah."

"Well, once Frank makes you a card carrying eighteen year old member of society, we'll see 'bout gettin' your license." Dean stared at Benny. "What?"

"Just. I dunno. I don't understand why you and Andrea are so good to me. You don't know anything about me."

"I know your birthday and how old you are," Benny shot back.

"Yeah, but I could be - I could be -"

"What? A murderer or something? Don't think you've got that in you, kid. I think someone hurt you, hurt you real bad. I know you're scared of that person - scared enough that you ran. I know you ain't got no one else to go to. I know that you're a good kid and need someone to look after you. I'm happy to be that someone. Sound pretty accurate so far?"

Dean nodded.

"So no sisters? No brothers?"

An unreadable expression, almost like grief, crossed Dean's face, but he shook his head. "Just me," he mumbled.

"Folks are gone? No mom or dad?"

"No."

Benny sighed and scratched his neck, choosing his next words carefully. "Before - before you woke up, you were screaming, and you said  _'Dad, no'_. Dean, did your Daddy do something to you? Did he hurt you?"

"I'm tired," Dean said, standing and pushing his plate away. "I'm going to bed." He turned and vanished down the stairs, the door closing with a decisive click behind him.

"Well, Lafitte, bang up job. And I guess that answers that question." He sighed, and gathered his and Dean's dishes. He loaded the dishwasher before he went back up to bed.

Pausing at the basement door, he pulled it open silently, hoping to hear Dean snoring. Instead, he heard the muffled sound of someone crying. Benny frowned, and fought against every instinct he had. He wanted to run down the stairs and pull Dean into his arms and promise him that he was safe and loved.

Instead, he shut the door with a sigh and left the kitchen, walking through the living room and turning to head up the stairs, all the while vowing to himself that he would be a better father to Dean than that nameless, abusive bastard ever was.

* * *

Charlie watched Dean from across the diner, as he carefully piled plates and glasses into a bus tray. He was quiet. Too quiet.

In the past month, since she'd started working at Benny's, she'd come to look forward to the times her and Dean were on the same schedule. They'd throw pop culture references back and forth, warble the 50's doo-wop the jukebox pumped out in the most off-key manner possible, and in general, amuse the clientele of the diner.

Charlie was vain enough to realize she was quickly becoming the favorite server of several of their regulars, but Dean was universally loved by all. Maybe it was his wide green eyes and slightly wounded appearance, but it seemed to her that many of the older ladies that came for regular lunches wanted to take him home and mother him. Dean just seemed to bring out the mothering instincts in everyone.

Including, she was dismayed to learn, herself.

Which is why she stood just behind the glass dessert case, watching him move slowly, tiredly, and Charlie wondered if he was coming down with something.

There was a whole lot of unknown where Dean Smith was concerned.

Sighing, Charlie grabbed a tray and headed to the kitchen. Benny was humming along to the radio, flipping burger patties on the grill.

"What's wrong with him?" Charlie demanded.

"Wha'? Who?"

"Dean! Why's he's all exhausted and wounded-looking? What did you do to him?" She dropped a hand to her hip and glared at Benny.

"Aw, suga-plum, I ain't done nothin' to that boy. Jus' didn't sleep good last night. Ok?"

"Hmm."

"I'm not lying, Miss Charlie. If I'm lyin', I'm cryin', and I ain't cryin'."

"Ugh, you and your southern weirdness!"

The kitchen door swung open, and Dean pushed through, arms straining with the weight of the bus tray. Charlie and Benny both watched him as he carried it through the kitchen and back to the dishwashing area.

"He had a rough night, Charlie. Ok? Anythin' else is on him to tell you." He slid two plated burgers her way. "Here's your table five, darlin'. I gotta get a few things in the oven. Don't be standin' 'round during lunch rush!"

Benny walked away from the grill, and from her, and that was all Charlie needed to know the conversation was over. Sighing again, she hefted the tray and delivered table five's order.

Later, when the lunch rush was over, Charlie took a few minutes to herself, back in the reception room. That room only got used once in a while, so for the most part, the staff used it as a break room.

She was surprised to find Dean and Benny in there, all the way in the back corner booth. An older man with thick black glasses and a shock of white hair was with them, a large stack of papers on the table. Dean was signing things, and as Charlie watched, Benny passed a white envelope to the man. He opened it, seemed to count the items inside and smiled, holding out his hand for Benny to shake.

Feeling very much like she was intruding, Charlie backed out of the room on silent feet. Dean emerged about thirty minutes later and picked up his bus tray, heading back to work like nothing was wrong.

In fact, as a new song came on the jukebox, Dean grinned across the diner at her, and started belting the lyrics at the top of his lungs.

" _One two three o'clock, four o'clock rock! Five six seven o'clock, eight o'clock rock! Nine ten eleven o'clock, twelve o'clock rock! We're gonna rock around the clock tonight!"_  He was horribly off-key, just like always, and he hip checked Charlie as he danced past her, shaking his hips in a bad impression of Elvis.

Charlie grinned, and picked up the tune.  _"So put your glad rags on and join me hon! We're gonna have some fun when the clock strikes one!"_  Dean set his tray on the nearest empty table, and Charlie let him take her hand as they sang the next verse together.

" _We're gonna rock around the clock tonight! We're gonna rock rock rock till the broad daylight! We're gonna rock, gonna rock around the clock tonight!"_

Laughing, she let Dean swing her around a couple of times, her little white apron spinning out as Dean danced her around the tables. Dean was a truly terrible dancer, and she was pretty sure they looked like a couple of idiots, but the handful of patrons in the diner seemed to be enjoying the show.

The song ended, and there was a round of applause.

Dean hopped up on a bench and took a very exaggerated bow. "Thank you, thank you, we'll be here all week folks! Try the crab soup!" He hopped back down and grabbed his tray off the table. "That was fun," he smiled at Charlie.

"Good to see you laughing. You seemed so down this morning. Anything I can do to help?"

The grin faded, but just the slightest bit. Dean seemed determined to keep his cheerful facade in place. "Nope, I'm good. Just peachy, in fact."

"Dean -"

"I'm good, Charlie. Seriously. Let it go." The grin vanished, and he walked away from her, slamming through the kitchen door.

Benny looked out through the order window, shooting her a meaningful look, eyebrow raised towards table eight.

Sighing yet again, Charlie pulled her order pad from apron, and went back to work.

* * *

"And what do I gotta do to get your number, sweet cheeks?"

"Grows tits and a vagina," the cute little redhead snapped back, grabbing the plated burger from his hand and stalking out of the kitchen.

Gabe Milton chuckled and flipped the next burger patty with a practiced wrist. "Ooh, sassy. Me like!"

"Barkin' up the wrong tree there, pal. Miss Charlie don't play for our team."

Benny, his new boss, had a twinkle in his bright blue eyes, as he set several strips of bacon on the grill. "Miss Charlie likes 'em soft and curvy."

"Yup. And pretty. That teacher that comes in sometimes, Gilda? She's got it bad for her," another voice said, pushing through the kitchen door with a bus tray.

Turning from the grill, the first thing Gabe noticed was big green eyes, then the freckles, the bright skin, and plush, full pink lips. Damn, but this little boy was beautiful.

"And you are?"

"Dean Smith," beautiful answered, holding out a hand for Gabe to shake. "I'm kinda the resident busboy slash dishwasher," he explained, flashing a brilliant grin.

"Slash trainee cook," Benny added. "He shows a penchant for pie crust, so I've been trainin' him on some of our desserts." Benny picked up the bacon with a set of tongs and dropped them on a plate with toasted bread, tomato, and lettuce. He added a handful of potato chips, and held the plate out. "Dean, buddy, grab a bowl of crab soup and run this out to Victor, please?"

Dean took the plate with a nod and disappeared through the kitchen door. Gabe watched him set the plate in front of a cop sitting at the lunch counter, smiling and chatting pleasantly as he dished up the soup.

Damn, but he had the cutest ass.

"Don't get any ideas. That boy is way too young for the likes of you," Benny said firmly. He slapped a mound of hash browns down on the griddle.

"That obvious?"

"Your eyes been glued to his ass since he came in here. That kid is my adopted son, y'understand? Hands off. He's been through enough."

"Oh? Sounds like a story there." Gabe put together another burger and slid the plate through the window. "'Sides, I can tell he's too young for me. Doesn't mean I can't enjoy the scenery!"

"As long as lookin' is all you do. Don't care none 'bout what you like, not my business. Dean is my business. Understand?"

"Perfectly."

"Good."

Benny put the hash browns on a plate, slid a couple of fried eggs on top, added some sausages, and put the plate in the window. "Anyways. How you likin' the job so far? Sorry to just toss you in here, but with Carlos just up and quittin' like that - well, as you can see, we're pretty popular 'round here, so we need the help. Seem to know what you're doin', at any rate."

"Ain't my first rodeo. I've been working in kitchens since I graduated high school. I got this."

"Well, damn glad to have you. Jus' hope you're dependable. Dean's just now learnin' the ropes. He won't be ready to man the grill anytime soon."

"No, man, look. I needed a job. And I need one that's not gonna toss me out when the boss's kid decides _he_  needs a job." Gabe flipped a few pancakes. "Not that I'm saying you'll do that, but that's what happened at my last job. And those asshats are still making coin off my recipes!"

Benny nodded. "Well, that won't happen here. Promise. We'd like you to stay. I hate losin' folks. Like to think we're more like a family than a workplace. I dunno. Anyway, time for your break. You can grab somethin' to eat and go sit down. We usually hang out back in the reception room, behind the main part of the diner."

Gabe nodded. "I'd just like a piece of pie and maybe a thing of that soup."

"Get what you want. No biggie."

One of the other servers stuck an order ticket in the window and rang the little bell, taking the plate of breakfast and walking away. Benny grabbed the order and got busy making it, ignoring Gabe.

Walking out front, he cut himself a piece of lemon meringue and fetched a bowl of crab soup and a glass of coke. He carried his snack back to the break room.

Dean was in there, wiping down tables, and he smiled at Gabe. "How's the first day going?"

"Pretty good so far."

"Awesome."

Gabe watched Dean move around the room, carefully wiping down each table and vinyl bench. He then made sure all of the chairs were neatly arranged around the square tables in the middle of the room, wiping all of them down as well.

Andrea Lafitte, the boss's wife, popped through the kitchen door with a plate. "Dean, honey, I made you some lunch." She set a burger, a milkshake, and a generous slice of pie on a nearby table. "How 'bout you sit and eat?"

"Ok, Andrea. I am hungry. Didn't even notice." He slid into the booth and smiled up at her. "Thanks."

"Anytime, sugar. Eat it all, ok?" She patted his head, and disappeared back into the kitchen.

_Huh,_ Gabe thought,  _Bossman and the little lady both overprotective of the pretty young thing. Definitely a story there._

He was dying to ask Dean a few questions, but it was only his first day after all, no sense in stirring up things that likely didn't want to be stirred up.

As if he could hear Gabe thinking about him, Dean raised his head and looked across the room. He caught Gabe's eyes, and winked and grinned before dropping his attention back to his plate.

Looks like that should be illegal.

* * *

Castiel Novak would never, ever forget the first time he saw Dean Smith.

It was a rainy April day and Cas wanted the hell out of Baltimore. He knew that much for sure. He was so sick of his family, and the expectations of duty and honor they forced upon him.

Coming out as 100% gay hadn't helped either.

_But you've never had a boyfriend or a girlfriend. You've never even been kissed. How the hell do you know you're gay?_ The arguments his folks presented were antiquated and pedantic. They also revealed just how out of touch his family was.

So, he gathered the few things he cared about in an old duffel bag and bugged out. He didn't care where he went, just that he did. And somehow, he'd ended up in Dundalk, at the corner of Holabird and Merritt Boulevard. Barely eighteen, and feeling horribly alone for the first time in his life, Cas stared up at the bright neon of Benny's Boulevard Diner.

Well, if nothing else, he could get warm and maybe have a bowl of soup.

He pushed through the chrome and glass door, his senses immediately bombarded by a thousand wonderful smells and Stevie Wonder blasting from the large jukebox by the door.

Someone was singing along with the song, and they were flat out  _terrible_.

" _When you believe in things that you don't understand, then you suffer. Superstition ain't the way!"_

A young man did something halfway between a moonwalk and an electric slide across the tile, bus tray in hand. He stopped directly in front of Cas, winked, grinned, and danced off, still singing his heart out, despite the pained look a red-haired server was giving him.

" _Very superstitious, wash your face and hands, rid me of the problem, do all that you can, keep me in a daydream, keep me goin' strong. You don't wanna save me, sad is my song."_  Cas watched, mesmerized, as the boy danced across the diner, scooping up dishes and wiping tables.

" _When you believe in things that you don't understand, then you suffer. Superstition ain't the way!"_ He looked up and grinned at Cas again, bright green eyes sparkling.

He was the single handsomest boy Castiel had ever seen, and the last confirmation he'd ever need as far as his sexuality was concerned. Uncomfortably aware that his cheeks were turning red, he turned away from the busboy.

"Don't pay any attention to Star Search over there. Here for dinner?"

Dinner. Wait. What?

The redhead was talking to him. Her name tag read  _Charlie_.

"Uh, dude? You ok? I swear we're not all as crazy as he is." She looked genuinely concerned, and Cas mentally shook himself.

"Yes, dinner. Right." He nodded, and she snatched a menu from the podium.

"Right this way, then." Charlie led Cas across the diner, showing him to a small booth. "Seriously, don't mind Dean. He can't sing, or dance for that matter, but he's harmless. Promise." She pulled an order pad out of her apron. "What can I get you to drink?"

Cas frowned, thinking about the miniscule amount of cash in his wallet. "Water will be fine," he said softly.

"Ok. I'll give you a minute to look at the menu. Be right back."

Opening the menu, he paged through it thoughtfully, pleased to find that a cup of soup was a mere $2.95. He could afford that.

A steaming cup of hot chocolate was set down carefully in front of him, and he stared up into a constellation of soft brown freckles.

"You looked cold," Dean explained, a shy smile on his face. "On the house. Get warm, ok?" Dean sauntered off, snagging his bus tray from the counter and vanishing through the swinging door to the kitchen.

"Thank you," he whispered softly.

Later, after he'd eaten his small cup of broccoli and cheese soup and delayed the inevitable as long as he could, Cas started to pack up to leave, pulling on his coat and reaching for the duffel he'd stashed under the table.

"Let me guess. You don't have anywhere to go." Charlie and Dean both slid into the booth opposite of him, Charlie with her arms crossed over her chest. "Am I right?" she demanded.

"I don't -"

"You have the look of a guy who just got tossed on his ass," Charlie continued, "and it doesn't take three hours to eat a bowl of soup. How old are you, anyway?"

"Eighteen," Cas mumbled, staring down at the tabletop.

"Ok. So you're Dean's age. No biggie. Do you need a job? We could talk to our boss."

Cas looked up, and caught Dean's pretty eyes. There was no pity there; just something like understanding and concern. Dean nodded and smiled.

"I ran away."

"You did? Why?"

Taking a deep breath, Cas steeled himself for their reaction. "I'm gay. My parents don't want me around."

Charlie grinned brilliantly. "Well, hello gay! I'm lesbian. I have a two bedroom and my roommate just moved out and I just bought a car and I bet we could get Benny to hire you if you can cook or wait tables and he can put us on the same schedule and you can live with me and it will be like GLAAD all the time!" She took a big deep breath after that, and looked expectantly at Dean, who for his part, had his elbow on the table, chin resting on one hand while he played with a sugar packet with the other. Charlie nudged him hard, and he glowered at her.

"What?"

"Go get Benny. This kid needs a job. What's your name, by the way?"

"Castiel. But I go by Cas."

"Awesome. I'll go get Benny." Dean left the table, and Cas stared at Charlie.

"Why are you being so nice to me?"

"Because I've been there. It's hard being gay to begin with, but gay with no support? Not cool."

"So what, are you my self-designated gay sponsor?" he asked, a wry grin on his lips.

"Oh, very funny," she grinned back.

"Ok, ok, ok," a big man was led from the back, dragged across the diner by Dean.

"Benny, this is Cas. He's gay and homeless and needs a job!" Charlie explained.

Cas flinched at the bluntness of her words.

"Alrigh'. Guess I could use another busboy, since I want Dean to get more kitchen time in. Fine, you're hired."

"He needs to be on my schedule, 'cause he's gonna stay with me. Us gays need to stick together!" Charlie slammed her fist on the table.

"Fine. Come back with the crazy redhead tomorrow." Benny winked a bright blue eye at him, calling over his shoulder as he walked back to the kitchen, "welcome to the family, Cas!"

Dean and Charlie were both beaming at him, and Cas felt warm all over.

_Welcome to the family._  Maybe he hadn't run away from home.

Maybe he'd found it.

  
  



	3. Twilight Time

"Alrigh', now tuck your fingers under. I know it feels awkward, but it's a damn sight better than loppin' off a fingertip."

"You tell me that every time!" Dean grinned brilliantly at Benny and tucked the tips of his fingers, bringing the knife down on the onion. He made careful, perfect chops, just like Benny had taught him.

"There ya go. Perfect. Look at that. Now we got our trinity all ready, come over here and let's get the roux goin'." Benny set the bowl of perfectly diced celery, onion, and green pepper to the side, and pulled a heavy cast iron dutch oven to the front of the stove.

It was rainy Sunday afternoon. Benny was letting Gabe run the kitchen alone for the first time, and he was teaching Dean how to make gumbo in their little kitchen at home. Dean was a natural with a knife, so much so that it surprised Benny. A little instruction on proper cutting, and he was off to the races.

A damp breeze lifted the curtains in the kitchen window, as Benny showed Dean how to cook the flour and vegetable oil, stirring until the mixture was the color of a copper penny. "There. That's how you want it to look. Perfect. Now some people use bacon fat for the roux, and that is the more traditional way, but 'Drea don't like it like that. Says it's bad for my heart."

Dean chuckled and added the green pepper, onion, celery, and garlic.

"Laugh it up, kid. Wait 'til you get old! Now stir that 'round 'til the onions are a little see-through. Then toss in that andouille. Stir that a bit, then add the beef stock. I'm gonna get this here okra sliced up."

"Ok."

They worked in a companionable silence, Dean humming little snatches of song while he cooked.

The June afternoon was humid and breezy. It hadn't quite reached the typical oppressive humidity that was Baltimore in the summertime, but the promise was there. Rain pattered against the windowsill, while Benny and Dean made the kitchen smell like heaven.

"So kiddo," Benny began, tossing the okra into the pot, "Mr. Morris is about to sell that old Nova. He ain't askin' for much, and since you've already proven you're not half bad with a car, I was thinkin' maybe we could get that for ya. Birthday gift, y'know?"

Dean stopped dead in the middle of deveining a shrimp. "Benny, it's June. My birthday was in January."

"No, Dean Whoever-You-Used-To-Be had a birthday in January. Frank put June 21st on your new stuff. So I reckon we're celebrating a nineteenth birthday on June 21st."

Frowning, Dean looked back down at the shrimp. "I dunno, Benny. I'm only sixteen and a half. No one's going to buy that I'm eighteen, let alone nineteen."

"Yeah? Gabe thought you were twenty-one."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Huh." Dean finished with the shrimp, putting them in a bowl and back in the fridge to wait for the gumbo to finish. He pulled out a container of lump crabmeat and another bowl, sitting back at the table to pick out any shells left behind.

He and Benny worked quietly for a while. Dean finished the crabmeat and rolled pie crust for a pecan pie, while Benny kneaded dough for French baguettes. Benny watched Dean out of the corner of his eye, admiring the way Dean crimped the edges of the crust, carefully spooning the filling inside when he was done.

Dean had created his own version of pecan pie, making it taste even better with the addition of a salted caramel and chocolate drizzle. He seemed to have a natural knack for making things taste good.

"Never had a birthday party before," Dean said quietly.

Benny stopped dead, turning to look back at him. "Never?"

Dean shook his head.

"Ok, that tears it. You're havin' a damn birthday party. What do you want to do for it? Bowling? Movies? Rollerskatin'? Anythin' you want kid!"

"I um -" Dean's cheeks turned bright pink, "can I just have Charlie and Cas over? To spend the night? We could order pizza and watch  _Star Wars_. I mean -" his face darkened. "That's a dumb idea. Nevermind."

"It's a great idea! That would be fun, and I'll make you a big old cake and we'll make popcorn. You can take the air mattress and all the extra pillows and blankets downstairs, and I'll keep you supplied with junk food all night. I'll even make a hell of a breakfast the next morning."

"Really?"

"Hell yeah!"

Dean smiled down at the table, a few strands of light brown hair slipping over his forehead. "That'd be so cool," he said. "I've never gotten to do anything like that."

"Makin' up for lost time, then." Benny turned back to the stove and checked the gumbo. "Alrigh', this needs to sit for a bit. Let's go talk to Mr. Morris about that Nova."

"Benny -"

"Nope. He makes me a good deal, and that girl's yours. Ok? No arguin'. Jus' say, ok Benny."

"Ok Benny," Dean parroted.

* * *

Eddie Morris's Nova was black. He'd shined it up, and rain was beading on the surface. It was in pretty good shape, but Benny knew it needed some serious work under the hood.

"Wow," Dean said quietly, a slightly forlorn look on his face. "It's a '67. And it's black. Wow."

Benny didn't know what the look on Dean's face meant. He looked impressed with the car; but at the same time, he looked rather sad as well.

"She's in really great shape," Eddie said, pulling open the driver's door. "She needs a lot of TLC under the hood, and the interior could stand to be freshened up, but it would make a good first car for someone willing to bust knuckles on her."

"I'd be willing to do that," Dean said, sliding behind the wheel. "Can I start her up?"

"Sure," Eddie handed him the keys.

Dean slid the key into the ignition and fired the starter. A rough sound greeted them, and Benny watched in fascination as Dean gunned the engine. He left the car running and popped the hood, reaching in to toy with several things in the engine compartment and making the car rev a few more times.

"Hmm. Pretty sure I know what's wrong with her. I can fix it."

"I have no doubt, Dean-o," Eddie smiled.

"Please don't call me that," Dean said quietly.

Eddie frowned. "Uh, sorry."

Dean nodded, and climbed back into the driver's seat.

"How much you want?" Benny asked.

"I was gonna ask 5k, but if it's for Dean - I dunno. 3k?"

"I can handle that," Benny grinned.

"You're awful good to this kid. I know he's been pretty well behaved, and he's definitely got manners, but how d'you know he's not gonna take advantage of you down the road?" Eddie asked as he closed the hood.

Benny smiled at Dean, oblivious to the scrutiny, sitting in the driver's seat and lovingly running his hands over the dash and steering wheel.

"Sometimes, you jus' know, brotha. You jus' know."

* * *

"Ok, I brought the original  _Star Wars_  and all three  _Indiana Jones_. So we have a good supply of Harrison Ford to keep us going all night. Which one is first, Birthday Boy?" Charlie grinned at Dean.

"I haven't seen any of those movies," Cas said idly, picking at a stain on the carpet.

"What?" Charlie and Dean both shrieked in indignation.

"I'm sorry, is there a law I wasn't aware of?"

Charlie sighed and threw a pillow at Cas. She picked up her much beloved copy of  _A New Hope_ and handed it to Dean. "Put that in. Let's get him started right."

Dean laughed and unfolded himself from the floor. "It's ok, Cas. We'll educate you."

"Whatever," Cas huffed, leaning back into Dean's beanbag chair.

Charlie reached for her bookbag, unpacking a pair of Wonder Woman jammies, bright rainbow socks, and a light blue shirt with  _I know you are, but what am I?_ emblazoned across the chest. "Ok, bitches, I'm going to go change. Be right back. Get that thing cued up and find the pizza!"

"Yes, my queen," Dean muttered, getting a little snort out of Cas.

Charlie didn't miss the look of pride that crossed Dean's face. He always considered it a victory if he could get Cas, the most serious of their little threesome, to laugh. She smiled indulgently at her two best friends as she closed Dean's bathroom door behind her.

When she reemerged, they were sitting on the floor, Dean showing Cas the Haynes manual Gabe had given him as a birthday gift. It was specific to late sixties Novas, and Dean had several pages earmarked. He was explaining the difference between an automatic and manual transmission, and Cas was paying close attention to every word out of Dean's mouth.

Cas approached pretty much everything with intense seriousness, but when it came to Dean, his attention was laser focused. Charlie was pretty sure Cas was nursing his first big crush on their mutual friend, and resolved to talk to him about it later.

She tossed her clothes back in her duffel and dropped a hand to her hip. Charlie looked around the basement and took in the nest of blankets and pillows piled up on the air mattress, saw a pile of junk food and sodas, but one vital ingredient was missing.

"Where's the pizza?"

"Righ' here, your highness. Hold your horses!" Benny descended the steps to the basement, three pizza boxes in hand. "Veggie for the queen," he announced, handing her one box, "meat lovers for the birthday boy, and bacon cheeseburger for the - for the -" Benny frowned. "What am I calling you, Cas?"

Cas snatched the pizza box out of Benny's hand. "Starving," he declared, yanking the lid open.

"Works for me," Benny chuckled, tossing a roll of paper towels on the air mattress. "Don't forget to clean up after yourselves."

"We won't," Dean assured him, digging into his own box. "Hey, Benny?"

"Yup?"

"Thanks," Dean's eyes sparkled as he smiled up at Benny.

"Aw, you're welcome, kiddo. Have a good night you three!"

Dean hit the play button, and the three of them devoured the pizza while the Rebels fought the Empire. Cas watched closely, with that look Charlie had come to know as his 'taking notes' face. Dean had set his pizza box aside, and was half asleep on the air mattress. His eyes lazily tracked the Millennium Falcon as Han piloted her around the Death Star, almost at the end of the movie.

Hmm. This was supposed to be a birthday party, and Benny had confided to her that it was likely Dean's first one _ever_. It could not possibly be allowed to be this boring.

"Dude. We need cake and ice cream!"

"What are we, four?" Cas retorted drily.

"It's a birthday party! Cake and ice cream!" Charlie jumped off of Dean's bed, landing in the middle of the air mattress and shooting Dean off the other side.

"Ow!" he hollered indignantly.

"You can't pass out at your own birthday! Not when we've only watched one lousy movie, haven't had birthday cake, and you haven't opened my present!"

Dean groaned from his position on the floor. "You're entirely too perky, you know that? I was almost asleep."

"Exactly! Who goes to sleep at a slumber party?!"

"The very definition of slumber is sleeping."

"Shut up, Cas! I mean, we haven't even played truth or dare!"

"What's truth or dare?"

Both Cas and Charlie stared at Dean.

"You don't know what truth or dare is?" Cas asked incredulously.

"Uh, no?" Dean's cheeks bloomed bright pink.

"Ok, Charlie, we're playing truth or dare," Cas declared, a mischievous twinkle in his bright blue eyes.

"Excellent." Charlie shut off the TV and helped Cas rearrange all the pillows and blankets. "You can ask me the first question, Mr. Novak."

"Hmm," Cas tapped his chin, "truth or dare, Miss Bradbury?"

"Truth," Charlie grinned.

"What the strangest thing you've even done in the nude?"

"Ooh! I painted my kitchen in the nude!"

"Really?" Cas asked with a grin.

"Yeah! I didn't want to ruin my clothes, so I did it in the buff!"

"That's fantastic."

"Cas, truth or dare?"

"First round, hmm, truth!"

"Ok," Charlie grinned, "have you ever committed a crime?"

Cas laughed. "I stole a pack of gum from 7-11 when I was six. I was a criminal mastermind. Blamed my brother for it."

Charlie laughed, imagining a six year old Cas on the lam with his gum.

"Ok, Dean? Truth or dare?"

Dean had been watching the entire exchange, knees pulled up to his chest. He looked extremely uncomfortable, but answered with, "uh, truth? I guess?"

"Ok. Are you still a virgin?"

His face flamed, and he stared down at the floor. He seemed to fold in on himself, pulling his limbs in tight against his body. "No," he whispered.

Charlie's heart clenched. The expression on Dean's face was horrifying. He was clearly upset, and not for the first time, Charlie wondered what had happened to him to make one little question turn him into a beaten dog.

"Uh, maybe we should put another movie on. What's next?  _The Empire Strikes Back_?" Cas held up the video, a fake smile plastered on.

"Yeah, that's the next one. I'll open the Doritos," Charlie said brightly, reaching for the bag.

A door closed behind them, as Dean locked himself in the bathroom. The fan turned on, but even with the noise, they could hear the muffled sound of Dean crying. Cas looked at Charlie with wide eyes.

"Shit," Cas murmured. "What did we do?"

"I don't know! There's still so much I don't know about him. Oh crap, Cas, I think we hit a nerve! Shit, we made him cry at his own birthday party!" Charlie's own eyes filled with tears.

"Dammit. I just wanted him to have fun. He deserves it."

"Me, too. Oh crap, we fucked up."

Charlie and Cas sat quietly, waiting for Dean to come out of the bathroom. Five minutes passed; ten; fifteen. Charlie wondered if Cas was feeling as guilty as she was.

"Maybe we should get Benny?" Cas asked softly.

"No. I'm ok." Dean rubbed at his eyes, standing in the open door of the bathroom. His eyes were bright red, the lids swollen, and his face was flushed.

"Dean, I'm so sorry!" Charlie wiped at her own eyes.

"It's ok. You didn't know. I um," he rubbed at eyes again, "I didn't exactly have an easy life before I came here."

"Do you want to talk about it? Charlie and I will listen."

"Maybe someday. But not tonight. Ok? Let's just - not tonight."

"Ok." Cas turned back to the TV, sliding the cassette into the player. "Back to  _Star Wars_."

Dean sat back down in the middle of the air mattress, pulling a blanket around him. Cas settled next to him, pressing their shoulders together. Charlie slid off the bed and onto the mattress; sitting on Dean's other side. Dean leaned into her slightly, and dropped his head to her shoulder.

She smiled, and wrapped an arm around his back.

_A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away…_

* * *

"Table three needs a bus," Charlie yelled, banging into the kitchen. "Get on it, Novak!" She grabbed the cheeseburger Dean was holding out and stormed back out of the kitchen.

"Bossy," Cas muttered, grabbing a fresh bus tray. "I hate Friday nights."

"Oh, c'mon. It's not that bad."

"Says the guy that gets to cook."

Dean grinned as he flipped a burger patty. "Aw, don't be jealous, Cas. Next week, it's Fourth of July! Goin' down the ocean, hon!"

"Yeah, some of us are going down the ocean. I have to work!"

"I thought Benny said you could have off?" Dean frowned.

"Did he? I'm on the schedule…"

"I'll talk to him."

Charlie stuck her head in the order window. "Table three! We're backing up out here!"

Cas sighed and Dean chuckled. "Easier to give her what she wants," he smiled.

"Yeah, yeah." Cas pushed through the kitchen door, ignoring Charlie's death stare. He cleared table three, walked across the dining room and cleared table fifteen, snagging table twenty-two on the way back.

He walked back to the kitchen, handing off the tray to the kid washing dishes, then grabbed another tray and went back to the dining room.

"Castiel?"

Startled, Cas looked up.

His brother was sitting in the first booth by the door.

"Michael," Cas mumbled. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm on a date," he replied haughtily. "And you? Do you actually work in this dump?"

"Interesting 'dump' to bring a date to," Cas shot back. "Excuse me."

He turned from the booth, shoving open the kitchen door.

"Hey, you ok?" Dean asked.

"Need a minute."

Cas dropped the tray near the dishwashing area and slammed through the back door, dropping defeatedly on the last step. He fished a nearly flattened pack of cigarettes from his work pants.

"Since when do you smoke?"

"Leave me alone, Dean."

Dean didn't listen, plopping down on the steps next to Cas. "Look," he pointed up to the sky, "that's the big dipper."

Cas snorted. "The big dipper is sitting in the diner." He gave up on the cigarettes and tossed them on the lot. "You're right. I don't smoke."

"Who's the big dipper?"

"My brother Michael is in there. Claims to be on a date."

"Oh."

"Yeah. He was one of the loudest voices when I came out. He's the one that said since I'd never been kissed or anything, I couldn't possibly be gay. A real winner."

"Never been kissed? Nothing? Not even first base?"

"Never found anyone worth sharing that with. I'd want it to be special, not just some random moment. I dunno. Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but I want to fall in love and have all that magic -" Cas trailed off, staring down at the toes of his shoes. "I sound like an idiot."

"No, you don't."

"Thanks."

They sat quietly for a bit, staring up at the stars.

"How'd you know?"

"What?"

Dean scratched his knee. "That you were - y'know -"

"Gay?"

"Mmhmm."

"I just, I always pictured falling in love with a boy someday." Cas shrugged. "Girls never held any appeal at all."

"Oh." Dean fell quiet beside him, and they sat on the metal steps in the humid, end of June night. Cars passed by, heading up Holabird towards the city.

A loud rumble sounded as several classic cars pulled into the lot. They were owned by a small car club that frequented the diner on Friday nights during the summer, and it was shine and chrome for as far as the eye could see.

"I see the boys are back," Benny remarked, stepping out onto the steps.

Cas looked over at Dean, enjoyed the wide-eyed look of pleasure on his friend's face as he watched the cars pull into the lot.

"Look, Cas - that's a '55 Bel Air. And a '57 T-Bird! That red is amazing. That white one's a '72 Corvette!"

Benny chuckled. "Go on, go take a peek. Show off your Nova while you're at it."

"Naw," Dean said, cheeks glowing pink. He stood and looked over at the other side of the lot, where his car sat next to Charlie's yellow Gremlin. "She's not there yet," he said with a fond smile, "not just yet."

Another loud engine caught his attention, and Dean's head whirled around. A big boat of a car was pulling into the lot. It was a two door, fire engine red convertible. The car was almost as long as the '55 and the '57 put together.

"Wow. Nice Impala. Ain't seen that one here before. What year is that, Dean? '65? '68?"

"It's a '67," Dean whispered. Cas looked up at Dean, surprised by the tone in his voice. Dean's face was white under the streetlights, and he looked -  _terrified_.

Dean stumbled back up the stairs and vanished into the kitchen.

"What the hell jus' happened?" Benny asked Cas.

"I don't know. That was - odd." Cas pulled himself to his feet and stared up at Benny. "Did that car upset him?"

"Hell if I know," Benny dropped tiredly onto the stairs, in the seat Dean had just vacated. "Swear, every time I think I got him figured out." He sighed, pulled off his ball cap and scratched his head. "Jus' don't know, kiddo."

"Benjamin Lafitte, what the hell did you do to that boy?"

"Aw, 'Drea, I didn't do anything. A car pulled in the lot, and he got real upset and took off. I didn't do a damn thing."

"Well," she complained, tossing her dark braid over her shoulder, "he just bolted through the kitchen and into the bathroom, lookin' like he was gonna vomit. You sure you ain't got nothin' to do with that?"

"I'll go check on him," Cas volunteered, not wanting to get in the middle of one of the Lafitte's famous arguments. For a couple that clearly loved each other dearly, they could have some pretty amazing arguments.

"I dunno if that's a good idea -"

Cas didn't hear the rest of Benny's statement, as he walked through the kitchen and out to the dining room.

Ignoring both Charlie's and Michael's stares, he walked across the diner to the bathroom.

"Dean?" he called softly, pushing the door open, "are you in here?"

"Go 'way, Cas," was whispered from the stall on the far end.

Cas leaned against the wall next to it. "I'd rather not. You kinda freaked us out, and now everyone's worried."

Dean sniffled.

"Are you crying?"

"So what if I am?" Dean muttered. "You the crying police?"

"No." Cas slid down the wall, sitting on the floor outside the stall. He tried not to think about the germs he was likely perched on. "But I am your friend, at least I'd like to think so, and I'm worried about you. I've only seen you lose your shit over one other thing and that was the truth or dare question last weekend. I'm worried about you. What was it about that car, Dean?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"But that's just it. You never want to talk about it. You seem to think I'd stop being your friend or something. It's not like that. I know something horrible has happened to you. I know you're not from around here. The slight twang in your voice tells me that. But, I also know you are one of the kindest people I've ever known." Cas snorted, "Hell, you proved that the night we met. Remember that hot chocolate? I was freezing and wet, and all I had money for was a small cup of soup. But you brought me a hot chocolate with marshmallows and whipped cream. That one small gesture made one hell of an impression. I'm proud to call you my friend. And I'd be proud to help you carry whatever's breaking your back."

Dean didn't say anything, but the latch on the door opened. Cas looked up at his friend. Dean's bright green eyes were wet and red. The red and green combination made a startling contrast, and Cas was once again reminded of how handsome Dean was.

Not that he ever forgot.

"I um," Dean sighed. "The car just - it reminded me -" he sniffled, and swiped at his nose. "Cas, my dad was not a real nice guy. But he had a great car. And I called that car home for most of my life. It was a black, four-door '67 Impala. And I always thought she'd be mine someday. So seeing that red one - I dunno. It just, it hurt. That's all." Dean walked to the sink and opened the taps, catching cold water in his hands and splashing it on to his face.

Sure that Dean wasn't telling the whole story, but unwilling to push him further, Cas got up and walked across the room. When Dean turned, he wrapped his arms tight around him. Dean tensed at first, his body rigid, but seemed to just sag into the hug after a moment. His arms came up, wrapping around Cas's waist.

"Thank you," he whispered in Cas's ear. "I think I needed this."

"Well, I will give you one whenever you want."

Dean chuckled. "Ok."

"No, I promise. Hugs. Whenever you want."

"Yeah, ok," Dean giggled. "You're a dork."

"Yes, I am."

They stood in the men's room, holding tight to each other.

"Sometimes, I might need one, too," Cas said quietly. "Especially when family members that hate me pop up at my workplace."

"Oh. Well, I promise to give you a hug whenever you need one."

"Good. I appreciate that."

The hugged a minute more.

"Cas?"

"Hmm?" Cas had his head on Dean's shoulder, and had unconsciously started swaying in time with  _Twilight Time_  piping through the speakers.

"Are we dancing?"

"Maybe."

" _Here in the afterglow of day, we keep our rendezvous beneath the blue. Here in the sweet and same old way, I fall in love again as I did then."_

They really were dancing now. Cas's hand had slipped down to the small of Dean's back, and he gently rocked Dean in a circle around the floor of the men's room.

"Cas?"

"Hmm?"

"This is weird."

"Yes."

" _Deep in the dark your kiss will thrill me like days of old, lighting the spark of love that fills me with dreams untold. Each day I pray for evening just to be with you, together at last at twilight time. Together, at last at twilight time."_

The song ended and Cas finally stopped. "I think we've reached the slightly awkward stage," he mumbled, not looking into Dean's eyes.

"Nah. It was - it was nice."

"You're just being nice."

"So what if I am?"

The door creaked open. "Y'all alrigh' in there?"

"Yeah, Benny, we're good."

"Good. Maybe y'all can get back to work?"

Dean chuckled. "Yup, we can do that." He pulled out of Cas's arms and left the bathroom.

Cas watched him leave. He was annoyed that Benny had interrupted them, but couldn't for the life of him figure out why. All he knew was, that was the most enjoyable hug he'd ever had.

And Cas hoped there'd be another one soon.

  
  



	4. The Graduate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unbetaed

Benny and Andrea sent Dean, Cas, and Charlie off to Ocean City on July 3rd, and told them not to come back until the fifth at the earliest. Benny took Charlie aside and made it very clear that she was not to abuse her status as the only over twenty-one in the group. No alcohol, he told her, both of the boys were too young.

They rolled back into town on the seventh, and Benny was none too happy about the little rainbow hearts the three of them were now sporting on the inside of their left wrists.

Charlie explained that it was a tattoo of solidarity, and Cas and Dean just grinned and looked sheepish.

Summer was hot and miserable, and Benny made it a point to send the kids to the beach as much as possible - with instructions to stay out of the tattoo parlors.

By the end of August, Charlie and Cas were both enrolled at Dundalk Community College. Charlie was taking courses to further her computer knowledge, and Cas was working on general education classes until he figured out what he wanted to major in.

Dean was like the younger sibling left behind while they were in class, staring woefully out the windows of diner while he worked, living for the moment Charlie's yellow Gremlin brought his friends home.

"You should get your GED," Benny told him one afternoon.

Dean was working his way through a cheeseburger, sitting alone at the counter. He looked lost and more than a little lonely.

"What?"

"GED. High School diploma thingie. Then maybe you can take some classes with Cas an' Charlie."

"I'm not the smart one," Dean snorted, "Sa-," he paused, and stared down at his plate. "I'm not the smart one," he mumbled again.

"I don't know 'bout that. You picked up on cookin' like you've been doin' it your whole life. I think you oughta least give it a shot."

"What if I try and I fall flat on my face?" Dean asked softly, pushing his plate away.

"I don't think you will. I think you'll do just fine. But if you fail, I won't think any different. You'll still be my boy, and I'll still love ya."

Dean looked up, wonder in his eyes. It was that expression he got anytime Benny said something like that, and it hurt to know that Dean had been deprived of unconditional love. Benny and Andrea were determined to make up for lost time on that front.

"Look. Talk to Cas an' Charlie, and see what they think. Bet they'd help you study and everthin'."

"I dunno."

"Hi, Dean," a soft voice called.

Following the source of the voice, Dean's face turned bright red. "Uh, hey Lisa," he muttered, staring down at the countertop.

Lisa reached into the order window for the plates Gabe was sending her way. She flicked her dark ponytail over her shoulder, and grinned back at Dean, brown eyes sparkling.

"How's your firs' week goin'?"

"Pretty good. You and Andrea are great bosses. Makes my life easier." She hefted the tray of food and cast another pretty smile Dean's way, not that he seemed to notice. "Talk later, Dean."

"Yup. Ok, that'd - that'd be cool. Cool," Dean stammered and scratched at the back of his neck.

Lisa walked away, unperturbed by his fumbling, and Dean hastily cleaned up his lunch. He hurried into the kitchen like his ass was on fire.

"Smooth, kid, real smooth," Benny sighed, grabbing a rag and wiping down the counter.

Four o'clock rolled around and Charlie and Cas came through the door. Dean's whole face lit up, as he quickly finished the pancakes he was cooking and plopped them on a plate.

"Hola, handmaiden!" Charlie bellowed across the diner, making several patrons wince.

Cas just smiled and waved, weaving his way through the tables to the kitchen door.

"Were we busy today?" he asked, taking his apron from Dean.

"Not really. I told Dean he should get his GED," Benny grinned, knowing that the other two would convince Dean.

Dean knew it too, judging by the glare being directed his way.

"Ooh, yeah, that'd be sweet! Then you could take classes and stuff. You should totally go for it!" Charlie crowed, reaching out to ruffle Dean's hair.

"I'll help you study," Cas said softly, turning his back to Dean so he could help him with his apron strings.

"Me, too!"

"Yeah? You guys really think I can do it?"

"I know you can," Charlie said as she pinned on her name tag. "You're super smart. Heck, you could probably get away with just taking the test, but we'll study with you and get you extra super smart so you can go in there and just blow them away with your deadly knowledge." She mimicked an explosion with her hands, winked, grabbed a tray, and disappeared to the dining room.

"That girl's got a few screws loose," Benny muttered under his breath.

Not that anyone was paying attention to him.

Dean and Cas were talking, heads tilted towards each other. Cas was definitely reassuring Dean that he could do it, and that he was smart enough. With each affirmation, Dean's resistance seemed to be melting, and by Monday, Dean was signed up for GED classes at DCC. He left the diner every day at noon, returning in the afternoon with Charlie and Cas.

In the evenings, when they were slow, Benny would often find Cas and Dean sitting together in a booth in the reception room. Dean hung on Cas's every word, paying close attention to the tutoring Cas was giving him. They sat so close together, there was almost no space between them, with Dean's light brown head tilted towards Cas's darker one.

"Ever think there might be somethin' there?" Andrea asked him one night. The two of them stood unseen by the boys, in the kitchen doorway.

"Aw, they's jus' good friends. That's all. 'Sides, I think Dean's got somethin' for Lisa."

"Hmm. Mark my words, Benjamin Lafitte. Those two?" She gestured fondly towards Dean and Cas. "That's a lifetime sittin' right there." Andrea stood on her tip toes, kissed his cheek, and left him with a lot to think about.

* * *

"You're going to ace this test."

"She's right. You're going to own it."

"And then you'll be all edumacated and can take some real classes."

"Stop biting your nails, it's going to be fine. Ok? Seriously, get that hand out of your mouth." Cas reached into the back seat and physically pulled Dean's hand away from his teeth.

"Dammit, Cas."

"Don't chew up your nails!"

"Boys," Charlie said imperiously, feeling almost like a mom or something, "behave or I will turn this car around."

"Good," Dean muttered.

She looked in the rearview mirror. Dean was tense, almost green, and now he was chewing on his bottom lip instead of his nails. "Dean, you're going to kick ass, ok? We've been over that material a half a dozen times and you're totally going to ace this!"

"I'm going to hurl."

"Don't be dramatic."

"No, Charlie, pull over, I'm going to be sick!"

Complying immediately, Charlie pulled off the road. Cas got out of the car and held the seat for Dean, who stumbled out, hit his knees, and was violently ill on the grass.

"I can't do this," he muttered, shifting to his butt from his knees and leaning back against the Gremlin.

"You can, I swear it," Cas murmured, stepping around the vomit and kneeling down beside him.

"We've gone through that material a thousand times. You've got this, Dean. And Cas and I will be just outside, waiting for you. I know you can do this." Charlie reached out and put her hands on Dean's cheeks, tilting his face up so she could look him in the eye. "I believe in you," she said softly.

"I do too," Cas added. "You can do anything. And you can definitely do this."

Dean stared up at them both, green eyes tracking both of their faces. "You really think so?"

"Definitely," they confirmed in unison.

"Ok," Dean sighed. "Ok." He pulled himself upright, leaning on Cas. "I can do this. And you'll wait for me? Promise?"

"Absolutely."

"We wouldn't leave you for anything." Charlie gently steered him back to the car, and this time, Cas climbed in the back. "Let's do this, posse!"

Ten minutes later, they were at the testing center and Dean was signed in. He looked back at them, nervousness written all over his pale face, before disappearing into the testing room.

"Here goes nothing," Charlie sighed, dropping into a chair. "Hope to hell he doesn't freeze and blow it. He'll never forgive himself."

"I know." Cas sat down next to her. "I want him to come out smiling. I want to take him out for a celebration afterwards."

"I can't wait 'til you two are twenty-one, then we can do all the fun stuff. It's hard being the oldest sometimes."

"So old. Wow, at twenty-three, you're practically ancient."

"Shut up."

Cas giggled. "What did you do when you turned twenty-one?"

"God. I was in my senior year at MIT -"

"MIT?" Cas sat up and stared at her. " _The_  MIT?"

"Yup."

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"What I want to do, instead of what I'm expected to do," Charlie said firmly.

Slumping back in the chair, Cas let out a heavy sigh. "I get that, believe me."

"Anyway, I was at MIT, and a bunch of us decided to get wasted and play with the robots. We may have started a teensy fire."

"Just a teensy one?" Cas asked with a grin.

Charlie smiled, remembering how angry the robotics professor had been. "Yup. Teensy. Also? The robotics prof totally deserved it, the damn misogynistic asswipe."

"I love you, Charlie. Wish I could have seen you, handing out the ass-kickings and sticking it to the man."

"Hey, I'm a feminist with a capital F, what can I say?" Charlie stared down at her hands, picking absent mindedly at a cuticle.

"Do you think Dean's really nineteen?" Cas asked softly.

"He says he is. His license says he is."

"But we know so little about him…"

"Does it matter? Would you be any less in love with him?"

"What?!" Cas sat straight up in the chair again, staring at her with his mouth open.

"At least admit to the crush. That's pretty obvious."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Charlie grinned, leaning back in her own chair. She crossed her arms behind her head. "Oh please. You're so into Dean it's painful."

"Whatever."

"Don't sulk. I think it's cute."

"You're an ass." Cas crossed his arms over his chest and glowered. "I honestly don't know what you're talking about. Dean is my friend and nothing more. Besides," he added softly, the tension in his body releasing, "we don't know what he's been through. I don't know that he'd welcome any attention like that from me. I don't know if he even likes boys. He seems interested in Lisa."

"Everyone's interested in Lisa. And she's too old for him. So is Cassie, and so is goddamn Rhonda."

"You said that -"

"I know what I said. But no, I don't think he's really nineteen. Y'know, when I first started at the diner, there was this old white haired guy. He met with Dean and Benny in private and Benny gave the dude a hella lot of money. How much you wanna bet it was for a fake ID or something? Shit, there's so much we don't know about Dean, but I've always gotten the impression that Benny was helping him hide from someone."

"Odd. I know he's had a rough relationship with his real dad. You weren't at work the night the car set him off, were you?"

"I had tables, but yeah, I heard about it." Charlie sorted through her memories Dean, of things he'd done and said, and she didn't like the picture that was forming. "I worry about him all the time, Cas," she said softly. "I'm scared we're gonna wake up one day and he's going to be gone. And I don't mean left-town-gone."

"Same."

They lapsed into silence, each lost in their own thoughts. Time ticked away, and an hour passed slowly.

"Sixteen," Cas said out of nowhere.

"What?"

"Dean. I bet he's only sixteen."

"No way. He's got to be older than that."

Cas shook his head. "He's still so fresh-faced. Sixteen. And I bet his birthday's not really in June."

"I dunno. If he wants to tell us, he will."

"I'm dying to know, Charlie. I want to know everything. But -"

"You won't push him."

"No. I would never do that to him."

They fell silent again, quietly waiting for Dean to finish his test. A short time later, people started filing out of the testing room, some smiling, some looking distressed.

Dean was the last one out, and he couldn't hide the huge grin on his face. "I did great!" he exclaimed, the second he saw them. "I won't have the results for a while yet, but I breezed right through it, and I felt like I really knew the material!"

"That's great!" Charlie shrieked, grabbing him and pulling him into a hug. She reached for Cas and pulled him into the hug too.

"Great job!"

"We knew you could do it!"

"Thanks guys. I'm glad you didn't let me chicken out."

"No chance. Now let's go get something to eat, handmaiden. Your Queen is famished."

"Diner?"

"Diner!"

* * *

It was a pretty jubilant threesome that rowdily stormed the diner that afternoon, and once Benny heard the news, he had to announce it to the whole place. Gabe smiled as Dean's freckled cheeks turned bright pink.

"Gabe! A big bacon cheeseburger for my returnin' hero!" Andrea yelled through the window, and Dean blushed all the more.

Gabe dropped several patties and a heap of bacon on the grill, knowing Cas would want a burger too. He made a grilled ham and cheese for Charlie, passing all the plates through the window when they were done. Lisa picked all of them up, and he shot her his patented Gabe Milton lady-killer grin. Not that she noticed.

Gabe took a break and stepped out into the dining room to have a Coke. He watched Lisa deliver the plates to the kids, and didn't miss the way she smiled down at Dean, paying extra attention to him. Charlie didn't miss it either, and didn't seem the least bit impressed.

He chuckled and went back to the kitchen.

"What're you laughin' about?" Benny asked, as he pushed through the door.

"The ladies in this place. They all want to sleep with Dean. I got no game here, boss."

"Huh. They're all too old for him."

"Really? Lisa's twenty, Rhonda's twenty-one, and Cassie's nineteen - which I'd like to point out makes her his age. So unless you know something I don't know," and Gabe would bet on that horse in a second, "they're all eligible."

"Hmmph," Benny groused, "I don't think he's interested anyway."

"Really?" Gabe said again, looking out the order window. "I think you might be off about that."

Benny followed his gaze to where Dean was sitting.

Lisa had pulled up a chair next to him, and was contentedly stealing fries off his plate. Dean was blushing in that adorable way of his, smiling shyly at her, but he was definitely pleased with the attention.

Charlie, however, had a face like a thundercloud, and Cas was pointedly looking at everything but Dean and Lisa.

"See what I mean?"

"They're jus' flirtin'. I don't think Dean's ready for datin' anyways."

"Why?" Gabe asked eagerly. "He's a healthy young man."

"I dunno. Jus' he's been through so much and -" Benny stopped dead. "Why don't you mind your own damn business and get back to cookin'?"

Gabe held his hands up in surrender. "Sure boss, no problem."

"Good." Benny grabbed a whole caramel pecan pie and left the kitchen.

This was, by far, the most exciting place Gabe had ever worked.

And if he could just get one of these ladies to give him the time of day, it would be the  _best_  place he'd ever worked.

* * *

Dean passed his exam with a 92% and Benny was so happy he Xeroxed a copy of the results and hung it behind the front counter, much to Dean's embarrassment. Lisa kissed him on the cheek and Dean turned bright red.

It would have been cute, if not for Charlie and her damn mouth and her rambling on about certain people having crushes on other certain people.

Cas skulked around the outside edge of the graduation party Andrea and Benny threw for Dean. They'd closed the diner early on a Monday night, strung up decorations, and invited everyone they knew. Dean was overwhelmed by all the attention, and downright shocked by the pile of gifts. Some of their regulars were in attendance, and all of the staff.

Lisa was being her lovely, bubbly self, and that's what made it the hardest. Cas couldn't bring himself to hate her. She was sweet, and kind, and of course she was beautiful. She only had eyes for Dean, and while embarrassed, he seemed to enjoy the attention.

"You going to let her get away with that?"

"Nothing I can do," Cas hissed at Charlie. "He's happy. I want him to be happy. Besides -"

"Yeah, yeah, you don't like him like that. Whatever." Charlie stalked off to talk to one of the other waitresses.

Cas put down his punch and slipped through the kitchen door, through the kitchen, and out to the back steps. He dropped onto the top step, shivering in the November chill.

Hard to believe it was almost Thanksgiving. It'd been nearly a year since he came out to his parents, kicking off the most miserable holiday season he'd ever had. He'd lasted until April, when the harassment and cruelty at the hands of his brothers had reached a boiling point, and he'd ended up here, at Benny's.

Benny's was home now. This mismatched little group of people was his family. There was no judgment, no cruelty, just the love and caring one should find within the bonds of family.

"Hey," Dean greeted him, as he joined him on the stairs. "It's cold out here. Why aren't you inside?"

"Too many people," Cas answered honestly. He'd never been a big fan of crowds.

"I can agree with you there. Everyone keeps coming up to congratulate me, and I just want to go home and watch  _Star Trek_ , maybe eat another piece of pie."

Cas chuckled softly. "You and your pie."

"Pie is awesome."

They sat quietly for a while. It seemed they always ended up there, sitting on the stairs while they tried to figure out the big issues in life. Cas was surprised to realize how much he enjoyed this. Sitting quietly with Dean was one of his favorite things.

"So uh, Lisa asked me out."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. I told her not right now. Maybe later. I don't want to - I dunno. I don't think I'm cut out for dating. Did you know she has a kid? Ben. He's one."

"I didn't know that. She's really young for a child."

"Yeah."

The conversation died again, and Cas started to fidget on the cold metal stairs.

"Wanna come over and watch _Star Trek_? I've got a couple of tapes with TNG on them."

"Which season?"

"Season three."

"Ok. As long as you don't make me watch  _Ménage à Troi_  again."

"Aw, man! That's a great episode!"

"Ferengi are creepy."

"But Picard goes all Shakespeare. It's funny. Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?" Dean stood and hopped off the stairs. He clasped his hand over his heart and stared imploringly up at Cas. "Thou art more lovely, more temperate," he giggled, unable to keep up the farce.

"C'mon, idiot. Let's go."

"That ear thing is weird though."

"C'mon!" Cas grabbed his arm. "Go get your keys, let's go."

"Alright, alright!" Dean bounded up the steps, turning back to look down at Cas. "You're awesome, you know that?" he grinned. Dean turned and vanished into the kitchen.

Cas couldn't help the feeling of warmth that bubbled up inside him.

"Awesome," he murmured to himself. "I'm awesome."

"Ready?" Dean bounced back out the back door, shutting it firmly behind him. He handed Cas his coat and slipped his own on. "Wanna hit Taco Bell first?"

"Yes. Let's just get a bunch of crunchy tacos with lots of sour cream."

"Hell, yes." Dean unlocked the Nova, climbed in, and reached across to unlock Cas's door. He fired up the car, and she roared in response.

"Is she supposed to sound like this?" Cas asked loudly.

"Naw. I got an exhaust leak. Can't afford to fix her at the moment, but I'll get there, won't I Baby?" Dean fondly patted her dash.

"It's just a car," Cas muttered, as Dean maneuvered the Nova out of the lot.

"It's not just a car, it's my car," Dean grinned, "and that makes her special right there."

"Ok, fine. Taco Bell!"

A couple of hours later, they were curled up on Dean's bed, surrounded by empty taco wrappers and two giant soda cups. Dean had zonked out about ten minutes prior, and Cas was steadily drooping. He didn't remember falling asleep, but he woke to the sounds of a staticy television.

Cas sat up in Dean's bed, wondering why the fairly quiet noise of the TV had woken him.

"No, please -" Dean whispered.

Turning, Cas saw Dean's face in the low light from the snowy TV.

Dean's brow was furrowed, beads of sweat forming on his cheeks and upper lip. His hair was damp and plastered to his head, and his fingers were gripping the sheets, knuckles white.

"No. Dad, no, please, don't. Don't!  _NO!"_ Dean screamed.

"Dean, it's ok. It's ok, wake up," Cas shook him gently with a hand on his heaving chest. "Wake up, Dean! Wake up!"

Dean woke with a gasp, eyes wide and terrified. He was shaking, and Cas could feel his heart pounding underneath his palm.

"C-cas? Shit," Dean rubbed at his eyes. "Shit. What time is it?"

"After two."

"Shit."

"Dean, it's ok. It was just a nightmare."

Squirming, Dean pulled himself into a sitting position and reached for the bedside lamp. "I'm sorry. I can - I can get dressed. I can take you home. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have - I shouldn't have -" His movements were jerky and uncoordinated, his confusion and disorientation obvious on his face.

"Dean. It's ok. I swear. It was a nightmare. It's ok. You're ok, and I'm right here."

"Such a baby," Dean muttered, staring down at his hands.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Swinging his legs out of the bed, Dean stood and headed to the bathroom. "What do you think?" he asked, before shutting the door firmly.

Cas sighed. He shifted in the bed and reached for the empty Taco Bell bag on the floor, irritably stuffing all the empty wrappers inside as the shower switched on.

Dean was probably crying in there, muffling the sound of his tears under the running water. It had started out as such a good night, too.

He'd put on his shoes and coat and was sitting on the bed by the time Dean came out, dressed in a baggy pair of sweats and a tee. He froze when he saw Cas sitting on his bed.

"You put your coat on."

"Yes."

"Oh. I was kinda hoping -" he trailed off.

"What?"

"I know I acted like a jerk, but I um, I don't," he sniffled, "don't really want to be alone. Those nightmares - they shake me up pretty bad, Cas. But if you want to go home, I'll take you."

"Nah. Just lend me a pair of sweats, ok? Would rather not sleep in my jeans."

Dean smiled and pulled another pair from the dresser and tossed them at Cas. "Do you want me to get the air mattress?"

"I don't mind if you don't."

"Ok."

Cas shucked his coat, shoes, and jeans and pulled the worn sweats on while Dean got back in bed. Cas switched the light off and climbed in beside him.

They lay side by side, both on their backs and staring at the ceiling.

"Thank you," Dean said finally, his voice small.

"For what?"

"For being my friend." Dean rolled to his side, his back to Cas. It wasn't long before his breathing evened out, and Cas knew he'd fallen asleep.

He stayed awake for some time, staring at the ceiling and listening to Dean breathe.

  
  



	5. Worse Than I Thought

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And thusly, this is the chapter when the warnings hit.   
> -Drinking/Underaged Drinking  
> -Mentions of Child Abuse  
> -Mentions of Violence  
> -Mentions of Prostitution (Underaged)  
> -Mentions of Rape/NonCon
> 
> If you are unsure and need to know something specific before you begin the chapter, feel free to contact me at winjennster.tumblr.com, or leave a review prior to reading and I will try and get back to you as soon as possible.
> 
> Also? Not everything is what it seems. 
> 
> -Jenn

Three years went by in the blink of an eye. Three years of Dean living in the basement and Benny and Andrea becoming so comfortable with him that they'd stopped locking the basement door by the end of the first year.

Cas was a junior at Loyola, working on a major in Political Science. He planned to go to law school next. Cas wanted to save the world and promote equality, and thought being a lawyer was the best way to go about it.

Charlie was fooling around with the internet. Benny didn't understand 90% of the stuff that came out of her mouth, but their computerized ordering system ran beautifully now. She was always talking about bytes and bits, and he just had no clue whatsoever.

Dean, much to Benny's chagrin, chose not to go any further with his education. He seemed happy to be at the diner, cooking alongside Gabe and Benny. He fooled with ingredients quite a bit, creating new concoctions for his friends to try. If they liked them, Benny would list it as a manager's special for a week. In the last few years, several of those manager's specials had become regular menu items.

Dean was a natural in the kitchen. He had a killer instinct for what would taste good and nine times out of ten, his experiments were insanely delicious.

He and Lisa had been dating for almost six months by the time Dean turned twenty-one. At least, when the world though he turned twenty-one. In reality, he'd just turned nineteen, but to the world, he was of legal drinking age.

The Nova was running beautifully, and Dean kept her waxed to the highest shine possible. He'd bought himself a new television and stereo system for his room, and he, Charlie, and Cas spent a lot of time down there. The three of them were just as inseparable as ever.

Dean helped out around the house, too. He did chores, and took out the garbage every Monday night. He did his own laundry, and mopped the kitchen floor every week. Dean kept up with the dishes, too, and many times, Benny and Andrea came home from work to find Dean putting dinner on the table. Benny had long since stopped thinking of Dean as the stray they'd taken in.

No, Dean was his son. In every way but blood.

"What time do you think you'll be home, sugar?" Andrea's voice carried back into the kitchen through the order window. Benny pushed open the kitchen door and watched the two of them.

They were easily the two people he loved most in the world.

Dean was standing still while she fussed with his hair and tie. "Uh, probably not before midnight. I'll be quiet."

"Not that, jus' like to know where you are, sweetie." She ran her fingers down his green tie, smoothing non-existent wrinkles. "I didn't know you could dance."

"I can't. But Lisa wants to go dancing, so I thought I'd try at least."

"Such a good boy. Have a good time. Go on, get out of here." She pushed him to the door with a smile.

Dean waved on his way out, and it was only a moment before they heard the Nova roar to life.

"He looked nice, didn't he?" Andrea asked as she came in the kitchen.

"Cleans up righ' good," Benny agreed.

"Meanwhile, Cas is out there looking like a sad puppy," Charlie added, coming in behind Andrea.

Benny sighed. He peeked through the order window.

Cas was slowly bussing a table, staring out the window at Merritt Blvd. The Nova sat at the light, waiting to make the left onto Wise Avenue.

"Damn. That poor kid is so lovesick over Dean." Andrea clucked her tongue. "He really oughta just say something."

It was true. Cas was completely gone on Dean Smith. And the only person who didn't know it was Dean himself.

"Can lead a horse to water," Benny mumbled, tossing a chicken breast and couple of burger patties on the grill.

"I know. The sad thing is, I don't think Dean has a preference as far as girls or guys. To be honest, I'm kinda surprised he's dating Lisa. It took him so long to even go get a cup of coffee with her. I just don't think he's interested." Charlie sighed. "I think he's dating her just to be nice."

"Well, it's his business," Andrea said firmly. "And if Cas ain't gonna say nothin', well, that's his business, too."

"I know. Just makes me hurt for both of them. I mean, jeez, they practically spend every spare moment together anyway."

"Dean's getting attached to Lisa's son," Benny said softly. "I think that's why he's still seeing her. Don't think there's anything there other than that."

Both women looked stricken.

"Anyway. We got a diner to run, ladies."

"Right. Sorry, Benny." Charlie took the now plated burgers and disappeared through the door.

Andrea stood on her toes and kissed his cheek. "I'll be in the office, doin' the books. Love ya, you old bear."

Benny smiled. He and Andrea might fight from time to time, but damn, he loved that woman with the very essence of his being.

Cas opened the door with his ass, pushing into the kitchen with his bus tray. His shoulders were slumped, his eyes downcast. He walked past Benny without a word, disappearing around the corner to the dishwashing station.

"Poor kid," Benny muttered under his breath.

* * *

Benny startled awake, heart pounding. He stared into the darkness of his and Andrea's room, wondering what had woken him.

A muffled crash from somewhere downstairs answered that question. Benny slid out of bed and opened the door, making no sound. There was a pretty good chance it was Dean, but he hadn't heard the Nova - and he always heard the Nova.

Silently working his way down the stairs, Benny rounded the corner into the living room. That room, and the kitchen as well, were dark and empty.

Another crash echoed up the basement stairwell.

Benny sighed. It was definitely Dean, but what the hell was he doing at - Benny squinted at the clock - 2:45 in the morning?

"Dean?" Benny called softly as he opened the door. "You alrigh'?"

No answer. The basement was dark, but he could hear movement. Benny flipped on the light over the stairs.

"I'm comin' down, kiddo."

Once he got to the bottom of the stairs, and his eyes adjusted to the light, he called out to Dean again.

"Didn't hear ya come in. Usually, that car of yours wakes me up. Didn't hear it tonight, though. Did the date go alright?" No answer. "Dean?"

"Leave me 'lone, Benny." Dean's voice was soft, quiet. "Jus' go back upstairs. Leave me 'lone. Jus' go 'way."

"Can't do that now, son. You don't sound righ'." Benny reached down and flipped on Dean's bedside lamp. "Shit," he said, catching sight of Dean.

Dean sat on the floor, back near the entry door. His shirt was wrinkled, and slightly unbuttoned. The tie was gone. His best jeans were smeared and dirty. But the worst thing of all was his eyes. They were bloodshot, glassy, and vacant.

A half empty bottle of Wild Turkey hung loosely in his grasp.

"Where'd that come from?"

"Where d'ya think it came from? A liquor store," Dean slurred.

"Too young to be drinkin', kiddo."

Dean threw his wallet at Benny, and it bounced off his chest and hit the floor. "Well, the ID you paid fifteen hundred smackarooies for says I'm twenty-one. So I got me some booze with my damn license."

Benny didn't say anything else. He walked to where Dean was sitting, staring at him with that glassy green gaze. He sat down beside him.

"Wanna sip?" Dean offered the bottle.

"Boy, you know I don't. Ain't nice to offer that to a recoverin' alcoholic."

"Oh, I forgot," Dean giggled, "'Drea made you quit." His voice had taken on a nasty tone. "Benny always does what Miss Andrea wants."

"Hmm. Sometimes. As it turns out, she was right about the booze. Jus' tell me you didn't drive like this?"

"Car's at the diner. I walked."

"From the diner? Jesus."

"Found a liquor store along the way and got this," he held up the bottle and some of the whiskey splashed over the side, "so wasn't a total bummer."

Benny didn't reply and Dean didn't offer anything else.

They sat quietly in the dim basement, the silence only broken by the occasional sloshes of whiskey as Dean drank from the bottle.

He was at a loss. Benny couldn't imagine why Dean was like this; he knew if he asked him, Dean probably wouldn't tell him.

"You and Lisa break up?"

"Hah!" Dean chortled. "Were we ever together?" He blew a long, loud raspberry. "I was in it for Ben, let's be honest." Dean was slurring every word, his head drooping. "Fucked up," he muttered. "All fucked up."

"What's fucked up? What's goin' on with you?"

Silence.

"Dean?"

"Nineteen fuckin' years old and can't fuckin' get it up. Can't even fake it. Fucked up." He took another long swig of the whiskey. "Got a pretty girl all warm and naked, all over me like a bad suit, and Little Dean ain't even interested."

Benny didn't say a damn word. Maybe it was wrong, but the alcohol seemed to have loosened Dean's tongue, and he was going to keep his mouth shut and see where it went.

Raising the bottle, Dean took another long swig. "I mean, damn, Lisa's got the softest hands, and her damn mouth, Jesus. Held out long as I could on the whole sex thing, but she had 'spectations." Another long swig. "Nice, soft girl, all over me, and all I could hear in my head was such a good boy, Dean-o, so pretty Dean-o." He shuddered. "Hell, if I told you the truth, you'd toss my ass. Prob'ly call the cops, too."

"Dean, there is nothing in this world that could make me throw you out. I promise you that." Benny reached over and gently pried the bottle from Dean's fingers. He was surprised that the kid didn't fight him. "How 'bout we get you some water and somethin' to eat? Soak up all that liquor?"

"I killed him," Dean said flatly. "I stabbed my father. I killed him and I ran."

Silence.

Benny didn't know what to say.

"Gonna ask me to go now, aren't you?" Dean asked quietly.

"No, I - no. I won't, Dean."

"I did it. I'm not lying. I took that fuckin' knife, and I stabbed him. Over and over and over." He laughed, a dark, mirthless sound. "And he deserved it and I'd fuckin' do it again. I'd do it again and again and again, Benny. Fuckin' hell." He hiccupped.

"Dean, if you killed your father, I'm sure you had a good reason," Benny said softly.

"He was a sonuvabitch. Hit me all the time. All the damn time." Dean sniffled. "I got a little brother out there somewhere. I killed our father and he looked up at me. Saw myself go from hero to villain in his eyes and I ran. I got a little brother out there, and I'll never see him again. I can't see him again. He'd probably have me arrested on the spot." He laughed bitterly. "If he's even still alive."

"Dean -"

"Three fuckin' days. Kept me chained up and naked. Three fuckin' days. I got loose though. Got loose and found a damn knife. Was so out of my mind. Cut his goddamn dick and balls off. See if he'd ever use that shit on me again."

Benny reeled. "Shit, Dean, are you sayin' -"

"Three days, Benny. I was bleeding so bad when I got away. Went to a hospital and they stitched me up. Wouldn't tell 'em who I was. Ran. Had to run." He reached over Benny and grabbed the bottle, taking another long swig. Benny was too shocked to stop him. "Hitched the fuck out of Arizona. Ended up here. Tried selling my body for a while, but I kept gettin' beat up. Then you and 'Drea took me in. Because you're nice or stupid. Maybe a little of both."

He couldn't think. Benny couldn't wrap his brain around the things Dean was telling him.

"Fuckin' nineteen Benny. Should be able to get it up, come, get it up again. Fuckin' hell. I think my old man broke my sex drive. How fucked up is that? He took my damn life from me, and he's still - I killed him, but I can't get rid of him. I can't - I don't have a family. I ain't got nothin'. He took it all. Fuck." Dean hiccupped and sniffled. "Fuckin' hell, Benny."

Benny sat in stunned silence while Dean took a few more swigs of whiskey.

"He was always beating on me, but nothin' like that. Guess he was pissed. Caught me giving a blow job to Ken Hoffman three days before in the back of the Impala. Didn't care if I fucked girls. Apparently dudes were not acceptable." Dean tilted the bottle back, draining the last few drops into his mouth. He stared at the empty bottle. "Shit. Drank the whole fuckin' thing." He leaned back against the wall, his head thudded hollowly on the paneling.

"Dean -"

"I know. I gotta go. Don''t want me 'round now."

"Shit, no. That ain't it at all."

"I got nowhere t'go, though. Maybe I could stay at Charlie's. I killed my own father," Dean said again, like Benny had missed it the first time. "Don't got anyone now. Sammy prob'ly wouldn't be able to look me in the eye."

"Sammy?"

"M'brother. He'd be fifteen. Always such a good kid. Miss him, Benny. Miss him so much. My family is gone."

"You still got family. Shit, Dean. Ain't you figured it out yet? Me and 'Drea, we think of you as a son. Can't have no kids of our own, and we'd pretty well given up when you showed up. You're everything I'd want in a son. Loving, kind, smart, polite - literally everything 'Drea and I could have ever hoped for. And I'd've thought that in the three years you've been with us, you'd've figured out how we feel about you. How much we love you." Benny dropped an arm around Dean's shoulders. "I think you were right to kill him. And don't you think for a minute that I won't protect you, protect what you've told me tonight."

A hard shudder went through Dean's body.

"I mean it, you don't have to leave. I don't want you to go. I'm glad you're here. Shit, Dean, I'll keep saying it until it sinks in. I love you. I love you like you're my own flesh and blood. There is nothing in this world you could do to make me stop loving you. And I know beyond a shadow of doubt that 'Drea feels the same way."

Dean took in a ragged breath, the shaking in his shoulders getting worse. "Gonna be sick," he mumbled.

Fumbling blindly, Benny grabbed an empty rubbermaid tote and got it underneath Dean just in time. The boy retched and was violently ill. He heaved, repeatedly, and the stench of old alcohol filled the basement as he emptied his stomach. The heaves turned to anguished sobs, his whole frame shaking with the force of them.

"It's ok, Dean, it's ok," Benny soothed, pushing the tote away and pulling Dean closer. He wrapped his arms around him and rocked him slightly. "It's alright, I promise. You don't have to leave. I promise."

Dean just cried impossibly harder, burrowing into Benny's arms. Andrea appeared on silent feet, taking the empty bottle and the tote without a word. She cleaned everything up, and then pulled back the sheets on Dean's bed. Moving to the dresser, Andrea picked out a clean tee shirt and sweats, tossing them on the bed.

"I'm - I just - I fuck everything up!" Dean sobbed. "I break everything. I'm poison. I'm poison, Benny!"

"No, you're not. You're the best thing that ever happened to me and 'Drea. Don't you know that boy?"

Andrea knelt beside them with a damp washcloth, which she laid across the back of Dean's neck. "Dean, honey, we love you so much. You gotta know that."

"Don't deserve -"

"Ain't a matter of deserve or don't deserve. We love you. That's it. Ok?"

Dean shook his head, face still buried in Benny's chest.

"Let's get him to bed," Andrea said softly.

Benny nodded, and scooped Dean into his arms. It was a little bit of a strain, lifting the kid bridal style, but he did it anyway. Dean had nearly cried himself to sleep by that point. Between the leftover effects of the booze, and the emotional toll, his body was simply shutting down. They both worked together to strip off his clothes, pulling the tee and sweats onto his skinny frame.

Dean was asleep by the time they tucked him in, and they both left the room.

Upstairs in the kitchen, Andrea leaned against the fridge door. "What in the hell?" she asked Benny.

"Oh, god, 'Drea, he told me everything. And I mean everything." Benny dropped into the closest chair. "Alcohol loosens that boy's tongue and - and -  _Jesus_." He rubbed his eyes. "It's bad. It's worse than what I thought happened to him. Way worse."

"Care to share with the class?"

"Yeah, but not tonight, baby. Can we jus' go to bed? I'm jus' - I'm  _done._ "

Andrea frowned and pursed her lips. "Ok. But you're gonna tell me in the mornin', hear?"

"Yes, darlin'. I promise."

She nodded, and left the kitchen, gently rubbing his shoulder on the way out. Benny followed her upstairs not long after, curling around her warm body.

Despite his exhaustion, it was a long time before Benny was able to sleep.

* * *

"Why is the Nova in the parking lot, and I thought Dean was scheduled today?" Cas asked as he pushed open the kitchen door, setting his bus tray on the edge of the counter.

Benny looked up from the pancakes he was cooking. He looked tired, with some pretty serious dark circles under his eyes. "Uh, he had a rough night. He walked home last night. He's home sleepin'."

"Oh," Cas tried to ignore the little bubble of hope in his belly, "did he and Lisa break up?"

"Pretty sure. But there's more to it than that. He drank too much and he jus' got real upset and - " Benny sighed. "Anyway. He's home sleepin'."

"Least I hope he's sleepin'," Andrea walked by with a pie in each hand. "He needs it. Poor boy," she added as she walked out to the front.

"What's going on? Why was he drinking?"

"Like I said, Cas. He had a rough night." Benny turned back to the grill, clearly considering the matter closed.

Sighing, Cas hefted the tray and headed out to the dining room. He cleared a few tables, took the tray back, and circled the room again.

"So?"

"So what?"

Charlie put a hand on her hip and stared him down. "Where's Dean?"

"Home, sleeping. I dunno."

"He never misses work, Cas. Something's wrong."

"Benny says he had a rough night."

"Hmm." She tapped her index finger against her bottom lip, stepping neatly to the side so he could collect the plates on table twelve. "Hot date with Lisa last night, home sleeping it off today. Either he went a couple rounds with her last night, or they broke up and he's home nursing his poor broken heart."

Cas stopped what he was doing and glared at Charlie. "It's not funny. Y'know? It's not funny."

"What's not?"

"Making fun of me."

"Cas! I'm not making fun of you. I'm speculating! I wanted them to split up as much as you did!"

The doorbell tinkled, and Lisa stepped into the restaurant, tiny four year old Ben snuggled against her chest. She caught sight of them and smiled sadly, heading back to the kitchen.

"What's that about?"

"Dunno. But I have a full tray and I'm about to go find out." He winked at Charlie, and took his tray back towards the kitchen.

"...don't have to. I think it'll be ok."

"I don't know. He was so - god, he was wrecked, Benny. And I feel like it would be really uncomfortable for him to have to work with me. I wouldn't dream of asking you to chose between us; after all, he's been here longer than I have. My mom and dad want me to move back to Chicago, anyway. So I think that's what I'm going to do."

"At least let me give you the rest of what you would have earned this week."

"No, Benny, I couldn't -"

Cas walked quietly past them. Andrea was holding Ben, distracting him while Benny and Lisa talked. He emptied the tray in the back, grabbed a clean one, and headed back up front.

"...but he needs therapy. Something horrible happened to him. I don't know. He's just - he's the nicest, sweetest, kindest guy I've ever dated. He's been so good to Ben. I'm really sorry it didn't work out. Dean's the kind of guy a girl could spend her whole life with."

Not wanting to eavesdrop anymore than he already had, Cas left the kitchen and wandered back out to an impatiently waiting Charlie.

"Well?"

"I think Lisa just quit."

"What, really?"

"Yes. She was telling Benny that she didn't think it would be comfortable for Dean to work around her anymore. I don't know anything more than that."

"Cas?"

"Yes, Benny?"

Benny walked to where Charlie and Cas were standing. "We're not too busy today, but 'Drea and I can't leave. Think you could take the Nova back to my place, and deliver some food to Dean? Maybe stay with him a bit?"

"Uh, sure. No problem."

"Good. I'll pay you for the day."

"That's not necessary."

"I want to. I'll have some food ready for him in about ten. Why don't you finish up and get ready to go."

"Ok."

Benny nodded and went back to the kitchen.

"Holy shit," Charlie said. "Something big happened last night if Benny's sending you to check on him."

They both watched silently while Andrea walked Ben and Lisa to the door. Hugs were exchanged.

"You better call me. You better call me and tell me he's ok, because now I'm really worried."

"I will," Cas assured her, pulling off his apron.

She wasn't the only one that was worried.

…

Dean's room was dark, and he was curled into a tight ball in the middle of the bed. Cas sighed and set the bag of food on his nightstand. He sat carefully on the bed, observing his friend in the low light of the basement.

Friend.

Who was he kidding? Dean was the embodiment of everything Cas had ever wanted for himself. He was in love with Dean. Completely, totally in love. And the worst thing of all?

He couldn't tell him.

"Dean? It's me. Cas."

"Mmm."

"I brought the Nova home. And Benny sent soup."

The basement smelled of stale whiskey and sweat. It wasn't a pleasant smell.

"Don't feel good," Dean mumbled.

"I know. But I'm here. I'm going to help you get cleaned up. I think you'll feel better with some food in you."

"Benny tell you what happened?"

"Said you had a rough night. He said you drank too much."

Dean groaned from under the blanket. "That's an understatement."

"C'mon. I'll go start the shower, and while you're in there, I'll get your food out and find some Tylenol."

He didn't get an answer, but he went to the bathroom anyway. Cas got the shower good and hot. Dean stumbled into the bathroom, hair sticking up in a thousand different directions. He was sleep rumpled, with deep shadows under his eyes and a mark on his cheek created by a wrinkle in the sheets.

He was still the most beautiful thing Castiel had ever seen.

"I'll leave you to it," he muttered, backing out of the bathroom. He had Dean's food set up on the small table in the basement when the shower shut off, and a few minutes later, Dean reemerged in a cloud of steam.

"All that for me?"

"Benny sent enough for both of us. Come eat."

They ate in silence, and when they were finished, Cas cleared all the containers, carrying them up the outside stairs to the trashcan. When he came back to the basement, Dean had crawled back into bed.

"Would you like me to leave?"

"No."

"I could put in a movie?"

"That's good idea."

Cas opened sorted through the tapes on top of Dean's TV. "Season two of TNG," he announced, holding up the tape.

"Yeah," Dean said listlessly.

Frowning, Cas put the tape in and turned it on. "Oh, I like this one. Riker on a Klingon ship." He settled into a chair near the bed. They watched in silence for a bit, until Cas became aware of the muffled sniffling coming from Dean.

He didn't say anything, but kicked off his shoes and crawled into the bed. Dean melted into his side.

"What is it?" he asked softly.

Dean shook his head. "Nothing."

"I don't believe you. You can tell me anything, you know that?"

"I know. You're my best friend. I just - didn't think about something for a long time, and I thought about it a lot last night. Now I can't stop thinking about it. And I just want to go back to how it was before. The numbness was better." His voice cracked, and he started crying in earnest.

Cas pulled him closer, wrapping his arms tight around Dean's shoulders.

Curiosity burned. Cas wanted to know what it was Dean had thought of for the first time in a long time. He wanted to know everything.

But, Dean needed a friend right now. He needed someone to comfort and care for him without expectations. And although Cas desperately wanted to be more than Dean's friend, if that's what Dean needed, than that's would he would do.

Tears soaked his shirt from where Dean was laying on his shoulder.

"I'm so tired," Dean whispered.

"Then sleep."

"Promise you won't leave me. Please?"

"I won't. I'll stay. Sleep, Dean."

Cas stared at the TV as Riker stuffed blood worms in his mouth, and the body against his relaxed. Dean's breathing evened out as he fell deeply asleep.

"Someday, I'll tell you. I swear it," Cas whispered to the empty room. "Someday, I'll tell you I love you."

  
  



	6. You Are Here and So Am I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys - I'm trying really hard to catch up and respond to all your reviews. Please be patient. I currently have about 200+ to get through.

 

 

 

Three months passed slowly, and Benny's concern for Dean grew. Dean was different. He was very quiet now, much quieter than he'd been before. He didn't sing and dance around the diner anymore. He came to work, cooked, and went home, not making much of a ripple in the day to day activity. Several of the regulars thought he had quit at first, since he rarely left the kitchen.

Charlie was obviously concerned. She worked hard to push Dean out of his shell, but to no avail. She joined a LARPing group and convinced Cas to join, but Dean made it clear he wasn't interested.

Benny was worried. He'd thought that getting all of that horror in his past out in the open, Dean would feel better; lighter. Instead, his burden seemed heavier than ever.

In fact, these days it seemed like the only thing, or person rather, that could make him smile was Cas.

Benny had finally pulled Cas off of bus duty, moving him back to the kitchen so he, Gabe, and Dean could teach him how to cook. Having him beside Dean at the grill seemed to calm Dean a lot, and he started smiling a bit. He was still very quiet and withdrawn, but at least he talked to Cas.

Cas started spending a lot of time with Dean in general before, during, and after work. He spent the night more often than he didn't, and Benny was pretty confident that they'd watched every episode of  _Star Trek: The Next Generation_  at least three times.

He'd lost count of how many times he'd come downstairs and found Dean curled tight into Cas's side, both boys sound asleep. He couldn't imagine how hard it was on Cas, to be completely in love and gone on Dean, and knowing that all Dean saw was friendship.

Cas seemed to understand that what Dean needed the most was the friendship; he needed a rock, an anchor, someone he could depend on that wasn't Benny or Andrea.

"I need a bus on table 20, stat!" Charlie bellowed, hip checking the kitchen door.

"I'll get it," Dean said softly, turning away from the grill to grab a bus tray. He left the kitchen without another word.

"Ok, I'll give. What the hell is going on?"

"Don't know what you mean," Benny said innocently, tossing a handful of veggies in a large stock pot.

"Don't lie to me, Lafitte. He's been messed up since Lisa left. I know he doesn't miss her. Ben's another story. But whatever, something is going on." She whirled on Cas, hands on her hips. "Did you do something to him?"

"What? No!"

"Well, someone messed him up. I can't get him to do anything, or go anywhere. I've got the Battle of Moons coming up and I wanted him to be my Knight, but he's barely worthy of being a handmaiden at the moment. I want to know what the hell is going on and don't tell me there's nothing going on!"

Benny sighed and dropped the rest of the veggies into the pot. He wiped his hands as he stepped away from the prep table. "Charlie," he said softly, putting his hands on her shoulders, "when he's ready, he'll tell you. I've been asked to keep a confidence and that's what I'm gonna do. Alright?"

Charlie turned her head and stared at Cas. "Do you know?"

Cas shook his head.

"Ok, so it's not just me being left out of the loop? Only you and Andrea know?" Charlie turned her face back to him, eyes wide and pleading.

"As far as I know, me and 'Drea are the only ones that know."

"It's bad, isn't it?"

"Yeah," Benny sighed, letting his hands drop.

"Just answer me one question and I'll stop."

"I will if I can."

"Is he dying?" Charlie whispered.

"No. I swear to you, he's not dying."

A flicker of relief danced across Charlie's face. "Well that's a goddamn load off my mind!"

"I admit, I was concerned about that, too. He's barely sleeping," Cas added.

"And how would you know that?" Charlie asked.

"I spend the night a lot," Cas said, face flaming red. "Which you know. We share an apartment, remember?"

"Do we? 'Cause you're like never there, dude."

"Children -" Benny warned.

"Dean needs me."

"Oh, does he now?"

"C'mon, you two -"

"Yes. He's hurting. And he's comfortable with me, an-"

A crash from the dining room silenced all three of them.

"That didn't sound good," Benny said, already heading out of the kitchen, the other two hot on his heels.

Dean was on his knees, scooping broken dishes and garbage into the bus tray. He was staring at the floor, and Benny could see how hard his hands were shaking.

"You stupid idiot!" A large, balding man in a white dress shirt was standing up next to a booth, glaring down at Dean. His shirt was soaked with coffee, or cola, and his face was as red as the vinyl on the bench. "Should've been watchin' where you were going,  _Dean-o_!"

Every last ounce of color left Dean's face. He scrambled across the floor for the rest of the dishes while the big man continued yelling at him. When the last few things had been scooped up, he grabbed the tray and bolted to the kitchen. Cas and Charlie followed him.

"Hey! You gonna do anything about this?" the asshole said to Benny, waving at his ruined shirt.

"Yeah. Meal's on the house. Get out of my restaurant."

"Excuse me?"

Benny felt the fury and rage build in him, and he balled his fists. He probably would've taken a swing if not for Andrea's hand on his arm, silently calming him.

"I said get out. Go."

"So that's it? Your little retarded bus boy spills shit all over me and that's all you have to say?"

"Get. Out."

"I'm sorry, is there a problem here?" Vic Henrikson leaned over his stool at the counter. "'Cause I dunno, sure did look like you crashed into the kid, not the other way around. I think you should probably just go on and go, dude."

"And who the fuck do you think you are, asshat?"

Vic smiled as he turned all the way around and stood, his gun and Baltimore County PD badge now visible under his jacket. "Victor Henrikson," he grinned. " _Officer_  Victor Henrikson."

Big Man had the grace to look embarrassed.

"Now, the way I saw it, and I know I'm not the only one, you stood up and crashed into Dean, who was just minding his own business and doing his job, am I right?"

"Well -"

"And I'd hate to have to arrest you for disturbing the peace after the kindly owner of this diner has offered you a free meal for your trouble."

"But -"

"And I'm sure you're going to do the right thing and get your stuff and go, am I right?" Vic smiled encouragingly, nodding his head towards the door.

Silence.

Benny watched the big man's eyes dart from Vic to the door and back again. "Yeah, I'm going."

"Good. And I'm advising you that coming back could be seen as trespassing and since I eat here pretty much everyday, but my shifts are varied, well, you just never know when I might be in here eating. And see, I've taken a liking to that young man, and I don't appreciate it when people fuck with my friends, you catch my drift, bro?"

"Uh, yeah," the man said, already gathering his things. He was out the door without another word.

"Thanks, Vic," Benny said. "Your's is on the house, too, brotha."

"No need." He nodded towards the kitchen. "Go make sure he's ok."

Benny nodded, and he and Andrea walked back through the kitchen. Charlie met them at the back door, her face white.

"I don't know what to do," she whispered.

Crashes and clangs could be heard from outside.

Cas was standing at the foot of the stairs, hands over his face. He was watching Dean, who was, for lack of a better term, having a meltdown.

He was screaming incoherently, throwing trash bags and anything else not bolted down. And then he started punching the dumpster.

Benny hurried down the steps, getting to Dean before he could throw more than three or four punches, but his knuckles were streaming blood anyway.

"Dean! Cmon son, calm down!"

Dean whirled on Benny and threw a punch. "'M not your son!" he screamed.

Benny blocked the punch easily, catching Dean in his arms and pulling him close. "Yes, you are. You damn well are," Benny insisted.

Dean thrashed and fought in his arms, struggling to get away. "'M not! Don't have a dad! Don't have a fam- don't have a family!"

"Yes, you do," Andrea murmured. She wrapped her arms tightly around Dean, helping Benny hold him. "I wish you'd realize that. Dean, sugar, we love you so much!"

A wail bounced off the metal walls of the dumpsters. Dean fought, pounding his fists into Benny's chest, struggling against the hold, animalistic cries of pain falling from his mouth.

"It's ok, boy, it's ok. Let it out. Let it all out. C'mon, now." Benny held Dean as tightly as he could, ignoring the pain in his chest from the boy's fists. Each blow grew steadily weaker until Dean was sagging in his arms. Dean sobbed, his whole body shaking with each gulping wail.

Out of the corner of his eye, Benny saw Cas sneaking gradually closer.

"Got nothin', nothin'," he cried, burying his face into Benny's chest. "Took everythin' from me! Got nothin'!"

"You don't have nothing, Dean," Cas said softly, adding his arms to the bear hug. "You've got Benny, Andrea, and Charlie. You've got me." Red rimmed green eyes turned towards Cas. "You'll always have me. I promise."

Gasping for air, Dean shuddered. He stared at Cas, who met his gaze and held it.

And just like that, something changed. Benny felt it. When he looked up at Andrea, he could see that she had felt it too. Something changed, and Benny had the oddest feeling that he was witnessing something incredibly private.

Whatever it was, Dean calmed down.

"Take him home?" Benny asked Cas.

"Of course."

Benny fished the Nova's keys out of Dean's pants pocket and handed them to Cas. He then cupped Dean's face in his hands and turned him until there was no where to look but right at Benny.

"You are not alone. You have a family. You can't make me stop loving you. Hear me, boy? You're stuck with 'Drea and me. Got it?"

Dean nodded.

"Alrigh' then. Go on. Go with Cas. Get cleaned up. See ya in a coupla hours, alright?"

"Yeah."

Andrea slipped an arm around Benny's waist as Cas led Dean out to the car and settled him into the passenger seat of the Nova.

"I wish he could see what we see," she said quietly.

"Me too, darlin'. Me too."

* * *

Charlie was shaking. There was nothing else for it. She stood frozen on the back porch of the diner, watching as Dean fell apart. She didn't know what to do, and when Cas joined Benny and Andrea, she disappeared inside, feeling completely and utterly useless.

Nausea twisted her stomach, and she lost her lunch in the first trash bin she came to.

"Hey," Vic pushed open the kitchen door. "Everything ok?"

She nodded.

"Ok. You ok?"

Charlie nodded again.

"Sure?"

"Yeah. I um - I'm fine. Just fine." She turned on her heel and ran into the office, shutting the door behind her. Charlie didn't turn on the lights. She leaned against the wall, covering her face in her hands. The tears started falling as she slid down the wall.

_No family_ , Dean's words echoed in her head.  _No family. No family. No family._

Charlie tried desperately to choke back the sobs pushing at her throat, but by the time Benny found her on the floor of the office, she was sobbing her heart out, curled into a little ball on the carpet.

"Oh, sugar, what's wrong?" He flicked on the lights, shut the door behind him and knelt beside her. "Dean's gonna be ok. I promise. Sent him home with Cas. Everything's fine."

Unbelievably, that just made Charlie sob harder.

"Baby girl, c'mon now. Tell ole Benny what's goin' on here." He pulled her off the floor and into his arms. Benny held her close, gently stroking his hand over her hair.

"It's so stupid, I can't -"

"I doubt it's stupid."

"Dean's not the only one with no family," she whispered.

"Dean's got a family. And so do you,  _ma douce petite fille_. All three a'you kids. Don't y'all know that by now?"

Charlie sniffled. "Really?"

"Yeah, really."

"My mom and dad are gone, Benny. And Cas spends all his time with Dean and I'm just so - I'm just so -" She buried her face in Benny's neck.

"What, darlin'? You're what?"

"I'm so lonely!"

"Oh, honey."

"And Cas and Dean are getting closer all the time and I'm just - I'm left out. And I feel so guilty for getting upset when something horrible must've happened to Dean and he needs Cas, but I need them, too!" And that was all it took to get her sobbing again. "I know that one day, Dean's going to look at Cas and, and he's gonna see, he's gonna see what Cas is to him," she rubbed at her eyes. "And they'll spend the rest of their lives together. And I'll be left behind."

"That'll never happen, sweetheart. Those boys both love you so much. I don't doubt that there's something there, and they might be spending the rest of their lives together, but they'd never forget you. Look now, I sent them back to my place to get Dean cleaned up. Go on, go over there. You ain't fit to work neither."

Charlie shuddered. Her heart and lungs hurt from all the crying. "You sure? Maybe they would just rather be -"

"Get out of here, Charlie."

"Ok." She picked herself up off the floor. "I mean, are you sure -"

"Go." Benny's face was stern, as he crossed his arms over his chest. The twinkle in his blue eyes gave him away, however, and she threw him a weak smile.

"Thanks," she said softly.

"Anytime." He stood, rubbed the back of his neck. "Y'know, if you two ever wanted to get out of that apartment, save a little money, well, Cas could bunk with Dean, and 'Drea and I got that spare room -"

Charlie froze, turning slowly to face Benny. "Are you asking us to move in with you guys?"

Benny blushed slightly. "Don't know if you've noticed, but uh, 'Drea and I love you three kids. Like it better when you're all around and we can keep an eye on you. Feels better to have the house filled up, y'know? We always said we wanted three kids. Looks like we got 'em, don't it?"

"Our lease is up in November."

"Good. You can spend Christmas at our place."

Charlie's bottom lip trembled. She felt it, and bit down to make it stop. No way in hell was she crying again. No fucking way. "So um, does Andrea know?"

"Her idea, kiddo."

"Oh."

"So why don't you head over to my place, talk to the boys and see what they think. And you damn well tell 'em you're lonely!"

"Ok."

She turned to go, but turned back around and caught Benny in a big hug. "I love you, Papa Bear," she whispered, kissing his cheek.

"Aw, love you too." He sniffled as he kissed her back, and she was pretty sure she saw him wipe a tear away as she left.

The September afternoon was balmy and breezy. Charlie rolled down the windows as she drove out to Benny's house, parking in the alley behind the Nova. She let herself in downstairs, and found Cas bandaging Dean's knuckles.

Dean was staring into space, but he leaned into Charlie as she sat beside him on the bed.

They were quiet, all three of them, while Cas took care of Dean's knuckles, and Charlie rubbed his back. Cas finished, gently wrapping white gauze around Dean's hand.

"So I guess this must be pretty good entertainment, huh?" Dean asked, a bitter note in his voice.

"No." Cas packed away the first aid materials. "This is far from entertaining."

"We're just worried about you."

"And you want to know everything, because this better than fuckin'  _Days of our Lives_ , am I right?"

"No. You're not right. I know it's hard to believe, but we care about you. I for one, don't care if you ever tell me what happened to you, as long as you allow me to be here for you when you're hurting. That's all I'm asking for." Cas closed the lid on the first aid kit.

"Same. I'll admit, there's a curiosity. But it's clear you're not ready to share and we'll deal. We'll be here for you. Simple as that." She tightened her arm around his shoulders and smiled when a lot of the tension left his body.

Cas put the case away and sat on Dean's other side. The three of them sat quietly for a bit.

"We should order pizza," Dean said finally.

"Yes. We absolutely should."

The night ended with all three of them squashed into Dean's bed, with Dean in the middle. Charlie kind of felt that she and Cas were protecting him like that, keeping him safe from outside forces. She smiled at the little rainbow hearts she could see on the inside of their wrists, rubbing her fingers over her own tattoo. Sometimes, she felt like that little heart meant more to her than just some pretty ink.

Picard was reciting Shakespeare in the background as she caught Cas's eyes. He was sitting up slightly, Dean sound asleep and curled into him with his head on his shoulder.

"You guys have personal space issues, you know that?"

Cas smiled sadly. "He needs this. I think the physical touch comforts him."

"You're stupid in love with him."

"Yes."

"And I know you won't believe me, but I think he is too. He just can't see it yet."

"You really think that?" Cas's eyes were wide and disbelieving.

"Yeah, I do. Cas, you're like - I dunno. I just know that he doesn't look at anyone else the way he looks at you. It's like -" Charlie struggled to find words that would properly describe what she saw between Cas and Dean. "It's like a weird connection thing. Like, a profound bond or something. I feel like you two are meant to be in each other's orbits. It's weird."

"You can't say anything."

"I won't. I know. It would just scare him off. But he won't always be like this, Cas. He won't. Dean's gonna keep growing, and he's going to get more comfortable, and someday he'll trust us both enough to not be afraid anymore. We just gotta keep going. Right?"

Cas nodded. "Right." He looked at the clock. "It's late. We should sleep."

"Yup. Want me to help you move him?"

Looking down at Dean in his arms, Cas's expression was so sweet, so tender, it took Charlie's breath away. She wanted someone to look at her like that.

"No. He's comfortable. Leave him be."

"Ok." Charlie settled down against Dean's back, tossing one arm over his waist.

What an odd little threesome they made, she thought. She smiled into her pillow. It wasn't long until she was asleep too, safe, warm, and happy with her best friends.

* * *

Charlie and Cas moved into the Lafittes right before Christmas that year, and Charlie's words that September evening proved to be somewhat prophetic. Dean did grow. Four years passed, and since that awful night, Dean looked at Charlie and him in a new light. His trust in the both of them grew, and with it, his confidence.

All in all, it had been almost seven years since Cas first set foot in the diner. He was about to begin his third year in the School of Law at Johns Hopkins. He'd done so well at Loyola, and had scored so high on his LSAT, Hopkins had offered a full ride. Considering that his family no longer acknowledged his existence, Cas was grateful for the help.

Charlie had managed to take enough accounting courses to get herself a Bachelor's Degree and as a result, she'd taken over managing the diner's finances. And Dean was running the kitchen.

Benny and Andrea traveled a lot more. They no longer found themselves tied to the diner, knowing they could leave the place in Dean and Charlie's more than capable hands. Cas still helped whenever he could. 

And that's where he was today, working a very late shift. All the others had gone home. It was after three on Saturday morning, and he and Dean were both dragging as they worked to finish cleaning the diner.

"I'm ready to go home," Dean announced, slapping a wet rag onto a table.

"Me, too." Cas hefted a tray. "We were busy tonight."

"No kiddin'. Ocean next week, though, am I right?"

"Yes!"

The jukebox started playing a new song, and Cas set the tray back down on the table. "I love this song. Reminds me of my grandmother."

" _My love must be a kind of blind love. I can't see anyone but you. Sha bop sha bop."_

"Yeah?" Dean turned towards Cas. "Good memory?"

"Very."

" _Are the stars out tonight? I don't know if it's cloudy or bright. I only have eyes for you dear."_

"She used to pick me up and spin me around the kitchen. She's the reason I know how to dance."

Dean smiled. "I can't dance for shit."

"No kidding." Cas reached for Dean's hand, pulling him out to the center of the empty dining room.

"What're you doin'?"

"It's easy. Come here." He pulled Dean closer, putting one hand at his waist and the other on his shoulder.

"Uh -"

"Just shut up and go with it."

Dean did what he was told. He allowed Cas to lead him across the floor.

" _The moon may be high. But I can't see a thing in the sky. I only have eyes for you."_

Cas looked up, into eyes so bright and green. Not for the first time, he felt like he could drown in them.

Four years. Four years and nothing had changed. They'd grown impossibly closer, and Dean still looked at him like Cas was the only soul in his whole world, but nothing had changed.

" _I don't know if we're in a garden. Or on a crowded avenue."_

Cas's hand slid up Dean's shoulder of it's own volition, resting on Dean's neck.

"Cas," Dean murmured. His hand had slipped around to the back of Cas's waist, and Cas realized how much closer they were standing now. There was no space between them.

" _You are here and so am I. Maybe millions of people go by."_

"Your eyes are so blue," Dean whispered. "So blue."

" _But they all disappear from view. And I only have eyes for you."_

The song ended. The music faded into nothing, and the jukebox didn't play another song. They stood frozen in the middle of the dining room, staring at each other. Cas thought maybe Dean was seeing him for the first time.

And then Dean kissed him.

It was soft, a tentative brush of lips against his, and he could feel the uncertainty. Cas hooked his hand around Dean's neck and pulled him down, kissing him back.

Time seemed to freeze and the only thing he was aware of was that he was finally kissing Dean.

_Finally._

He tasted so sweet, like the apple pie he'd eaten earlier, and honey, and sugar, and everything lovely in the world.

His first kiss. His first kiss and it was with the one person he'd been dreaming of for the past seven years.

Dean shoved at his chest, pushing Cas away.

"What -"

"I can't. I can't, Cas. I'm sorry."

Dean spun on his heel and vanished. A moment later, Cas heard the Nova start and roar out of the parking lot.

"Shit!"

Not only had Dean freaked, but he'd left him alone to lock up.

And apparently, he was walking home.

  
  



	7. Everything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't get excited, the next update won't be this fast. Just this plot bunny was trying to kill me.   
> Warning for the recount of Dean's past. Mentions of rape and general ugliness.

Too tired to walk, Cas called a cab to take him from the diner to the house. He let himself in the front door, not at all surprised that the house was dark and empty. A peek through the kitchen window didn't surprise him either - the Nova wasn't there.

Benny and Andrea were in New York. Charlie was on a weekend thing with her LARP group. And Dean hadn't come home. Cas was well and truly alone with some very confusing thoughts.

He walked down the stairs to the basement room he and Dean shared, switching on the lights as he went. Cas pulled sweats and clean boxers from his dresser and went to the bathroom. He turned the water on in the shower as hot as he could stand it, letting his head fall forward to rest on the cool tiles.

Nearly seven years of waiting, hoping, praying that Dean would see him as more than a friend. And for one brief shining moment, he'd had it, with Dean's sweet, soft lips pressed against his own. He'd seen their entire future in seconds, both of them happy and healthy, and then it was gone. Just like that.

Eyes burning, Cas shook his head, determined not to cry. He dumped a bunch of shampoo in his hand, scrubbing his hair with abandon.

He'd had everything for thirty beautiful seconds.

Now, he didn't know what he had. It was entirely possible Dean would be freaked enough to end their friendship. That did it. That thought made the tears bubble over and Cas sank to the bottom of the shower. He pulled his knees tight against his chest, hiding his face in his hands.

He cried quietly, mourning what he'd probably already lost. When the water ran cold, he stood on shaky legs and shut it off. Cas gave his body a half-assed toweling, slipping his boxers and sweats onto still damp legs.

Opening the door, he blinked stupidly.

Dean was sitting on the edge of the bed they'd been sharing for the past four years. He looked exhausted. He looked wrecked. He looked the way Cas felt.

"Dean?" Cas asked timidly.

"Hey."

"Are you alright?" Cas tossed his dirty clothes into the hamper. He sat on the loveseat across from the bed.

Dean stared down at his hands. "No."

"Oh." Cas's heart sank.

"I shouldn't have - I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry, Cas."

"You're sorry? I don't understand -"

"I shouldn't have kissed you. I'm sorry. I know you - I mean -  _shit_ ," Dean dropped his face into his hands.

"I liked it," Cas said softly. "I liked kissing you. I've been wanting to do that for a long, long time."

"You have?" Dean looked up, surprised, pink painting his cheekbones and neck.

"Yes."

"Why?"

Cas hesitated. He was afraid to tell Dean that he'd been in love with him for years. He didn't want to scare him off. "I just - I just have. That's all."

"Really? You've been wanting to what, experiment?" Dean wasn't angry, but he did look confused.

"No I -" sighing, Cas stood, yanking his towel off his shoulders. "I just - I have feelings for you. And I have for a long time." He turned away from Dean, balling the towel in his hands. "I love you," he whispered.

Silence.

Cas couldn't bear to turn around, afraid of the anger or worse, the contempt, that was no doubt obvious on Dean's handsome face. He couldn't bear to see the illusion crumbled. At least before, he had their wonderful friendship. Now, he wouldn't even have that.

"You don't - you don't mean that," Dean murmured.

"Yes, I do. I've been in love with you since you set that hot chocolate on my table. That very first night, when you showed me a little slice of kindness. When I'd been all but cast out of my home, you turned on a light and opened the door. You made me feel safe, wanted. Right from the beginning, Dean. You made me feel like I wasn't a worthless piece of human trash. I fell in love with you. How could you expect me not to?"

"Cas," Dean whispered, voice heavy with emotion. "Don't - please -"

He turned finally.

Dean's eyes were filled with tears threatening to spill over. "Can't we just - can't we just stay friends?"

"If that's all you can give me, then yes," Cas said sadly, shoulders drooping. "I - I wasn't expecting you to kiss me, Dean. I wasn't expecting you to make the first move."

"I shouldn't have. I'm sorry."

"It's ok. I should have seen that you didn't - that you don't feel anything for me -"

Dean turned his head away, a pink flush lighting up his cheeks. He seemed embarrassed, ashamed - oh.

_Oh._

"Unless," Cas said slowly, "unless you do feel something for me. Unless you do have feelings for me, too."

"I need a shower," Dean said as he stood, voice cracking.

"No. Sit."

Green eyes widened, but he obeyed, dropping back down onto the bed.

"Am I right?"

He shook his head vehemently.

"Dean," Cas knelt before him, "what is it?"

"Nothing," he muttered. "It's nothing."

"I don't believe that. Please, Dean. Please tell me."

Silence. Dean looked away. He try to get off the bed, but Cas put his hands over Dean's knees, lightly pinning him in place. Dean fidgeted and squirmed, trying to pull out of Cas's hold, looking everywhere but at Cas.

"Deserve better," he finally choked out, voice cracking.

"What?"

"Dammit, Cas!" Dean shoved him off and stood. "Don't you get it? I'm crazy about you! But you - you deserve so much - you deserve better. You deserve better than me, you dumb idiot!" He stalked over to the back door, and Cas jumped to his feet, ready to get between Dean and that door. He couldn't let him leave.

"What do you mean, I deserve better? I couldn't do much better than you," he said gently.

Dean made an ugly scoffing sound. "Please."

Ignoring the way his heart was pounding, Cas crossed the floor, resting his hands on Dean's tense shoulders. "It's true. You're sweet, kind, loyal to a fault, you have an endless capacity for love, and you're brilliant, smart, funny, and gorgeous. How could I not fall in love with you?"

"You love me?"

"Yes."

"You shouldn't."

"I think I'm stable enough to be the judge of what I should and shouldn't do, thank you very much."

Dean turned back to face him. Tears were rolling slowly down his cheeks. "You could do so much better, Cas," he said again.

"I don't want better. I want you."

"I don't deserve you. And you deserve better."

"It's not about what I deserve or what you deserve. I love you. I love you, and I think you love me, and that should be enough. Right?"

"Cas, I'm - I'm -" Dean choked back a sob. "I'm broken. I'm fucked up and messed up and if you - if we try to make this something more, than I'll have to tell you," Dean choked back another sob, "and if I tell you, then you definitely won't want me. You won't." Tears ran in steady streams down his cheeks.

"I don't believe that."

Dean laughed bitterly, as he leaned against the wall and slid to the floor. "Yeah, I have feelings for you. Fuck, Cas, I've been in love with you for so long I can't remember when I wasn't. But I can't - I'm broken. I'm fucking broken." He dropped his head into his hands.

Cas sat down beside him, wrapped an arm around his shaking shoulders. "Whatever it is that you think is so broken, you should know that all I see when I look at you is this amazing man that I'm lucky to call my friend. Even though I'd like to call you a whole lot more."

"But if you knew -"

"It wouldn't change a damn thing. Whatever it is."

"Yeah? I bet it would. Want me to tell you? Want to hear the whole ball of ugly that was my life before Baltimore? I bet that would make you turn tail and run. Hell, I know it will, but damn, Cas. Guess you've been patient long enough." He yanked himself to his feet, stalked across the floor and pulled open the fridge. "Might as well have a beer while we're doing this, right?" Dean's voice had taken on an ugly, bitter tone, and it scared Cas.

"You don't have to do this."

"Yes, I do. You're so determined to love me then fine. Let's see if you're still interested when I'm done." Dean opened the can, chugged the entire beer in one go. He opened the cabinet over the fridge and pulled down a bottle of whiskey, took the cap off, and took a nice, long swig from it as well. "When I was a kid, like four, my mom died in a fire. My dad lost his shit after that. Drug us - me - drug me around the country, looking for the jackwagon that did it. Trained me how to hunt and fight in his image. Turned me into some little obedient soldier. Lessons were important. If I got it right away, great. No praise, but he didn't hit me either. If I messed up? Well, the old fucker was good with his fists, if you catch my drift." Dean took another deep swig of the whiskey. He started pacing as he continued his story.

"Never did anything but hit me. He was a dick, don't get me wrong."

Cas stood, moving to the loveseat.

"Summer I turned fifteen -" he paused and grinned mirthlessly at Cas, "oh, and by the way? I'm not twenty-five. I'm twenty-two. My birthday's in January, not June. And my last name's not Smith, it's Winc-" he stopped, seemed to think about that for a second. "It's not Smith."

"Dean -"

"Nope! I'm telling a story. Shut up and listen!" He took another deep swig of the whiskey, well on his way to roaring drunk. "Anyway, I got around, y'know? I was fifteen, but I got around. Mostly girls. Until Ken Hoffman. Damn, he was hot, Cas. Like an eighteen year old Harrison Ford. And he liked me. We hung out, got high, fooled around. Dad and I were staying a motel, and Ken came over. Took him out to the Impala. Dad caught me in the back seat, Ken three fingers deep in my ass, his dick down my throat. Fuckin' screamed at Ken to go, dragged me back in the motel room by my hair." Dean swigged the bottle again. "Beat the goddamn fuck out of me. Knocked me out. All the time screaming, calling me fag, slut, whore, whatever he could think of."

Dean dropped onto the bed and drained the last of the bottle, letting it slip from his fingers to the floor.

"I don't know how long I was out." He looked up at Cas, eyes lifeless. "When I woke up, I was naked, cuffed to the headboard and he was - he was -"

Cas stood, moved to the bed. Dean looked at him, eyes wide. He looked like a lost child.

"He was on top of me, Cas," Dean whispered. "Inside me." He clasped his hands over his mouth, like he'd said something he wasn't supposed to.

A wave of nausea swelled in Cas's stomach, and he felt like he was going to be sick. "Dean -"

"Fucking raped me. Three days, Cas. He kept me chained to that bed. He made me come, too. Made me enjoy it. He ripped me to shreds. Had to go get all sewn up when I got away. And here's the part you're really gonna love. I killed him, Cas. I got out of those fucking cuffs, found a knife, and I sliced him up like a Christmas ham. Cut his dick and balls off. Slice and dice, baby." His eyes were so wide, and it was clear he was skating the edge of hysteria.

"And then I ran. Hitched. Traded blow jobs for rides. Got the shit kicked out of me, time and time again. Ended up here with no money, so pathetic that Benny felt sorry for me. Fuckin' hell. Just a pathetic mess." He stood, walked unsteadily to the cabinets, cursing when there was no more alcohol to be found.

"You're not pathetic," Cas said quietly, finally finding his voice. His heart ached, throbbed with pain for what Dean had been through.

"Yes I am." Dean turned back to face him, tears rolling down his face again. "You ever met a man who cries as much as I do? Fuck, Cas. I'm so broken - hell, even if we got together, wouldn't be able to fuck or anything. I can't get it up. Daddy broke me. Daddy broke his sweet, pretty Dean-o. So pretty Dean-o. Look so pretty when you come, Dean-o."

Cas stared at Dean in horror.

"Ah, there we go." Dean cast that horrible, mirthless grin his way again, as he slid down the front of the fridge and onto the floor. "There we go. Cas figures it out. Cas figures out I'm not worth wasting his time on. Told you. You can do a lot better than me."

"You think this changes a damn thing? You think this makes me not want you? You don't know me as well as I thought you did."

"Seriously? What is it gonna take to get rid of you?"

"A hell of lot more than that." Cas stood and crossed the room, falling to his knees in front of Dean. "You are the strongest person I have ever met." He reached for Dean's hands, wrapping them tightly in his own. "To have lived with that all of these years. To still be able to function with the weight of that on your shoulders. If this was an effort to get me to go, it failed. If anything, I think I've fallen even more in love with you."

Dean shoved him back, shooting to his feet. "You can't love me, Cas! Aren't you fucking listening?! I can't give you anything! I can't fuck you! My dick is broken! Why aren't you listening?!"

"I am listening!" Cas jumped to his feet. "I'm hearing you! You're broken, fine. So am I. So am I, Dean. I love you, dammit. Why the hell can't you see that? And you love me, too!" He reached for Dean, pulling him tight against his chest.

"Fuck, Cas - stop -" Dean struggled in Cas's hold.

"No. I don't care what you did. I don't care where you come from. I love you. I love you with everything in me, and I'm not going to stop."

"Cas," Dean whimpered.

"I don't care about what you can't give me. I just care that you love me. If this is all I ever get, I'm fine with that. Because all I want is to be with you. In whatever capacity you can handle. Do you understand me?"

Dean trembled in his arms. "Why?" he breathed.

"Because I love you. That's why."

Choking back a sob, Dean stopped struggling, sagging into Cas's arms. He maneuvered them both until they were lying side by side on the bed, Dean cradled safely in his arms.

"I'm a terrible person," Dean whispered, voice clogged with tears.

"Self-defense."

Dean sniffled and buried his face in Cas's shoulder. He felt his tears soak into his shirt. "I do love you," he murmured. "Since that day, like four years ago. The day I tried to knock out the dumpster? You said you'd never leave me. That you'd always be there for me. Fuck, Cas. I fell in love with you that day. And tonight, I was holding you in my arms, and you looked up at me - and I kissed you. And for a moment, I just let myself think, maybe I can fucking have this. Maybe -"

"And you can. You can have this."

Dean looked at him, eyes bright with tears. "Are you sure?"

Cas cupped his cheek. "Yes," he whispered, bringing their lips together. He kissed Dean softly, pouring as much love and care as he could into the kiss, pleased when Dean responded.

His cheeks were beautifully flushed when he pulled back, staring at Cas in wonder. "What if all I can ever give you is this, Cas? What if I can never -"

"Then I'll be happy with this. It's you I want. I don't care about the sex."

"You say that now -"

"And I'll say it for a lifetime. I love you. I want you. The rest is just noise." He pulled Dean back into his shoulder. "Sleep. We'll talk more in the morning."

Dean nodded, burrowing into Cas's side. Cas forced himself to stay awake until Dean's body relaxed and his breathing evened out.

Cas fell asleep not long after, with a bright and beautiful smile on his face.

* * *

The shot echoed off the tombstones and monuments. Walking closer, he put one more bullet in the man's head.

"That's for my mom and dad," Sam Winchester growled. He cocked the gun again and fired. "And that's for my brother Dean. Fuck you!" He pulled back and kicked the body as hard as he could, his boot making a dull thump in the man's side. "Fuck you!" he screamed again, kicking the corpse in the hip. His movements lost all finesse as he attacked the man's dead body, sinking to his knees to slam the butt of the gun into his face.

"You fucking took everything from me! My whole fucking family! You fucking asshole! You goddamn sonuvabitch!" He hit the man again and again until strong hands pulled him back.

"Enough, Sam! He's dead! Enough!" Bobby Singer tugged Sam away from the body. "He's gone. Can't kill him again, y'idjit!" Sam balled up his fists and screamed. The scream turned into a sob, and he collapsed into Bobby's arms. "I know. I know, son. Let it out. Let it all out."

They collapsed into the mud, the Colt slipping from Sam's fingers as he cried, clinging to Bobby. He was dimly aware of Jo, Ellen, and Rufus moving around the graveyard. Ellen took the gun, handed it off to Rufus. Sam lost track of everything after that.

Bobby got him off the ground and into his Chevelle, and he watched through rain splattered glass as they salted and burned the poor schmuck Yellow Eyes had chosen for a meatsuit.

It was over. He'd done it. He'd gotten revenge for them. For Mary, for John - and especially for Dean.

"He doesn't even know," Sam said, as Bobby drove back to Sioux Falls. "He thinks it was Dad. He thinks Dad did all of that to him."

"Sam -"

"I have to find him. He has to know. I mean, sure, Dad knocked us both around more than he had to, but he would have never done - he would have never done  _that_."

"You need to get back to Stanford, boy. Finish out that full ride."

"Oh fuck school, Bobby! Dean's out there somewhere. And now, it's safe. It's safe for me to find him!"

"And where do you plan on looking? I've been looking for years! Dean Winchester's a ghost. He vanished into the ether!"

Sam slumped back against the seat, crossing his arms across his chest. He knew Bobby was right.

But that didn't mean he wanted to stop looking.

"He's my brother. I miss him. There's not a day that goes by -"

"I know."

"Do you? He left thinking I hated him. He thinks he killed Dad. He doesn't know that Dad was possessed by goddamn Azazel. He deserves to know!"

"What makes you think he's even still alive?" Bobby asked softly.

"Because the alternative is unacceptable."

It was quiet after that, Sam slumped in the passenger seat.

What a ride it had been. Seven years of hunting, looking for a way. After Dean had sliced John Winchester to bits, the demon had reanimated his corpse. He'd told Sam he'd be back, left him in a motel room full of blood and his sliced up father. Bobby had made the drive to Arizona in record time, cleaned up the mess, and took Sam home with him.

Not even twelve years old, and his whole family gone, ripped away from him by horrifying yellow eyes. Sam threw himself into school after that, determined to leave hunting behind.

But Dean - he couldn't leave Dean behind. So when school work was done for the evening, he threw himself into research.

It's how he learned about Colt's gun.

A legend in the hunting community, most didn't believe in its existence. Sam did. He traced it from Sam Colt through a dozen hunters, finally landing on Daniel Elkins. The gun had been easy. Finding the demon had been the hard part.

"We're home."

Sam grunted, unfolding his long legs. He stood, stretching out the kinks from the drive. Bones came tearing out from behind the house, wagging his tail manically.

"Hey, boy," he said softly, hugging the dog to his chest. "Missed you." He stroked the dog's silky fur a moment or two, before turning to help the others unload.

Remaining silent while he helped Bobby, he hauled all his stuff upstairs and dumped it on his bed. He grabbed a set of keys off his night stand, slipped back down the stairs and out to the backyard.

The Impala sat like a queen, waiting silently for him to come back, just like she always did. Her black paint glittered in the sun, body gleaming from the wax job he'd given her last week. Sam wondered if Dad was proud of him. He'd taught himself how to work on and care for the car John and Dean had loved so very much.

He let Bones in first and slid into the driver's seat. He started her up, relishing the sound of the exhaust and the vibrations running through the frame. The car was all he had left of them. All that was left of the Winchesters. Besides himself, of course.

He pulled out of the salvage yard, turning the car out onto the open road. He didn't know where he was going, and he didn't care. Sam just needed to drive.

Three hours later, he pulled back into the yard, just as the sun was beginning its slow drop into the horizon line. Sam sat in the car for a while, letting the last few bars of  _Houses of the Holy_ play out on the tape deck. He rubbed his fingers over the brass amulet he always wore and thought of Dean.

He was supposed to leave for his sophomore year at Stanford in two days. His best friends, Brady and Jess, would be expecting him. He could just slip back into his life there and no one would know he'd killed a man over the summer.

But Dean - Dean was out there somewhere.

Sam sighed.

Bobby was forming burger patties when he let himself in. Ellen was husking corn at the table, and Jo was chopping vegetables for a salad.

"Think you could fire up the grill?" Bobby asked.

"Yeah." He took a beer from the fridge and walked back outside, pulled the cover off the grill and hit the ignition. Popping the pull tab on the can, he took a long swig of the beer, watching as two squirrels chased each other up a tree.

"Should go back to school."

"Should mind your own business," he growled at Jo as she stepped onto the porch.

"Not like you couldn't look for him in your free time. Thing is, I don't think Dean wants to be found. Would you in his shoes?"

"I don't know." He threw the empty can out in the yard. "Bobby thinks he's dead. I know it. He hasn't said as much, but I know that's what he thinks."

"What do you think?"

Sam dropped into a deck chair with a heavy sigh. "I don't know. I want to believe he's still alive, but after all of that - I don't fucking know, Jo."

Jo pulled on her blonde ponytail. "I think you should go back," she said again. "Bobby and Mom are gonna keep looking, and I think Dean would want you to go back to school. Don't you?"

"Yeah, probably."

He didn't say anything else, but two days later, he was on a flight back to San Francisco, and pretty Jessica Moore met him at the gate.


	8. Long Time Gone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are a couple of time jumps in this chapter. Benny's part picks up after the end of the last one. Then Charlie, a year later, then Cas, six and half years after that. I'm slowly bringing them up to current time.
> 
> Also, I've given up on responding to reviews. I just don't have time. But I want you to know, I read and appreciate every single one of them, and if you ask a question, or need to know something, I'll do my damn best to respond. And you can always go over to winjennster.tumblr.com/ask to ask me stuff. You don't even have to have a tumblr to do that!  
> Love you guys! Thanks for reading.

Something was different.

The air in the diner felt peculiar; lighter somehow. It didn't make sense. There was Cas, flipping patties on the grill. Charlie, in the office with the adding machine whirring. And Dean, singing as he flipped pancakes.

A normal day. But something had changed. What, Benny didn't know.

" _I like to dream yes, yes, right between my sound machine. On a cloud of sound I drift in the night, any place it goes is right. Goes far, flies near, to the stars away from here."_

_Oh._

Dean was singing. For the first time in  _years_ , Dean was singing along with the jukebox, offkey and as terrible as ever.

" _Well, you don't know what we can find. Why don't you come with me little boy? On a magic carpet ride!_ "

Dean hip checked Cas, who chuckled and smiled up at Dean. "Goof."

"You love it."

They shared a secret smile and went back to work. Benny scratched his head, turning back to his order forms. They were out of a few things, but not much. Charlie had done very well while he and Andrea were gone.

"You're amazin'," he announced, walking into the office with his clipboard.

Charlie looked up and grinned. "Damn right!"

"Seriously, darlin', I'm impressed. You're good at this. I'm thinkin' waitress isn't enough anymore. How's General Manager sound?"

Jaw dropping, Charlie just stared. "Are you shitting me?" she whispered.

"Well, I always thought I might give Dean the business someday, but I know he'd prefer to stay in the kitchen. You're clearly comfortable with the ordering and the books, and I just think you'd be good at it. 'Drea and I would love to travel a little more, too. How 'bout it?"

Charlie flew around the side of the desk and threw herself into Benny's arms. "Yes! A thousand times yes!"

"Alright, then. I'm gonna bump your pay, too. I think we'll make it official after you kids get back from your ocean trip."

"Benny, this is like the best birthday gift ever."

"Big 3-0. Has to be a special gift. And this promotion isn't your gift. 'Drea and I got something else for you. You'll get that at dinner tonight, alright?"

Her arms tightened around him. "You're the best, Papa Bear."

"I try." Benny kissed the top of her head. "Do you know what's up with Dean? He's awful damn pleasant today, not that I'm complaining."

"Oh. No idea, to be honest. I spent the weekend with Cassie and my LARP group."

"Cassie, huh?"

"Yeah," Charlie blushed a little as she sat back at the desk. "We have fun together."

"I'll bet."

"Shuddup."

He chuckled, leaned over and kissed her head. "Do me a favor and order a bunch'a new aprons, please."

"Sure!"

"Also, feel free to redecorate the office. It's your's now, after all. I think it needs a Princess Leia poster or something."

Charlie grinned. "And a better chair!" She dropped into it, causing the old chair to protest with a loud squeak.

"Yeah, yeah, a new chair. Jus' order my damn aprons."

"Yup, on it!"

He left her to it, wandering back out to the kitchen, where Dean was now very loudly belting out the words to  _Woolly Bully,_ pulling happy little smiles from Cas _._ Benny chuckled as he pushed open the door to the dining room. He smiled at Victor, sitting with another officer at the counter, and made his way across the restaurant, smiling and greeting the regulars. Pulling out a notepad, Benny took inventory of the dessert case, making a note to bring up another red velvet cake and to get Dean to make a bunch more of the mini cannolis.

Andrea walked by with two club sandwiches on plates, tipping her head towards the empty reception room, a clear  _come join me_  in the gesture. Smiling, Benny watched as she delivered the sandwiches. Damn, but he loved that woman.

Moments later, they met in the reception room.

"So. Did you give Charlie the good news?"

"Sure did. She's damn happy." Benny reached for her hand across the table top. "I think she's gonna do great. This place didn't miss a beat while we were gone." He pulled a box out of his pocket and set it on the table. "I think she's gonna love this daughter necklace we got her, too."

"I know she will. And Dean's doing so good with the kitchen."

"Sure is. Making his own recipes left and right. I swear there ain't a thing that boy can't cook. Sure has come a long way in seven years, huh?"

"I know. Him and Charlie sure seem to have things under control, don't they?"

"Yeah," Benny agreed, leaning back in the booth. "I'm so proud of them."

"I bet they could do it without us."

"Hell, I know they could."

"Then maybe it's time."

Benny sighed. "Dammit, 'Drea. I ain't ready yet."

"I know. But it's got to be soon, Benny. You know that. I mean, fifty-two ain't that different from forty-two, and I can put some gray in your hair or something, but sooner or later, people are gonna realize we're not aging."

"'Drea -"

"I know, Benny. Darlin', I know. I don't want to leave either, but if we stay too long, people will talk and the next thing you know, we've got hunters on our doorstep."

"But Dean -"

"He's got to grow up sometime. We're not leaving him alone. He's got Cas and Charlie, hell, even Gabe. But we can't stay much longer, Benny. You know that."

"So what, fake a car accident or somethin'?" he asked bitterly.

"Somethin' like that." Andrea pulled her long braid over her shoulder and toyed with the end. "Maybe we won't settle right away this time. We still got the Old Man's boat. Maybe we could just take to the water a bit."

"And what're we gonna do when we ain't got a supplier? Leavin' Baltimore means leavin' Frank."

"We'll figure it out. It'll be ok." She reached for Benny's hand across the table. "We were never, ever supposed to stay this long. Five years, remember?"

"But Dean happened."

"He sure did. And I don't regret that for a minute. I don't. But our time here is growing short. So one of us is going to have to play dead and the other's gonna have to sign everything over to Dean and leave town with a broken heart."

"You're a damn sight better actor than me, darlin'." Benny rubbed a hand over his face. "Dean and the kids - they weren't supposed to happen, y'know?"

"I know. But I'm damn glad they did. They needed us, and maybe we needed them. Maybe we needed a little slice of normal."

"Maybe."

They sat quietly for a bit, hands joined in the middle of the table.

"How long?" Benny asked softly.

"Five years at the max. Can't stay beyond that."

"Damn. It's gonna go so fast."

"I know." Andrea squeezed his hand. "Maybe we won't settle this time. I was serious about gettin' the Old Man's boat out and sailin' 'round for a bit. Bet you'd like that, wouldn't you?"

"Sure would. Sure 'nough would."

Andrea turned his hand palm up, tracing the lines she found there. It was peaceful, back in the reception room with all the blinds closed, watching dust motes swirl in the stubborn beams of sunlight that fought their way in.

" _My love must be a kind of blind love. I can't see anyone but you."_

"Damn. Who the hell keeps playing that song?"

"That's like the sixth time today. Someone's got a thing for the Flamingos." Benny scooted out of the booth. "I gotta get back to work, darlin'."

"I know." Andrea stood with him, pulling him tight into the circle of his arms. "It's gonna be ok. Believe me, I'd like to stay, too." She smiled up at him, standing on tip toes to kiss his cheek.

He leaned down and kissed her for real, slow, sweet, and wonderful, smiling when he pulled back. "Long as I get to take you with me, I'll be jus' fine."

***

The day plugged along as it usually did; slow periods broken by extremely busy periods, but steady business throughout the day. He pulled Dean off the grill and sent him over to make desserts. And after realizing Cas kept leaving the grill to join him, he sent Cas over, too. Between the two of them, they made twelve dozen mini cannoli, three carrot cakes, and six different pies.

Gabe and Benny manned the grill, knocking out burgers, sandwiches, and other grilled fare. They were busy throughout the evening, and it took Benny a moment to realize Cas and Dean had disappeared.

It's not like it was anything unusual; in general, they took their breaks and lunches together.

" _Are the stars out tonight? I don't know if it's cloudy or bright. I only have eyes for you dear."_

"Alright, that's got to be the tenth time today! Who the hell keeps playing that damn song?!"

"Hell if I know, boss. I've just been here minding my own and flipping the patties!" Gabe saluted him with his greasy spatula.

"Benny," Andrea pushed open the door to the kitchen, a finger over her lips. "C'mere," she reached for his hand, pulling him away from the grill and towards the kitchen door that led into the reception room. "I know who's playing the song. But you gotta be real quiet, 'cause I don't think they're ready to share this yet."

Benny peeked through the circular window into the darkened reception room. Light from the main dining room filtered through the blinds on the glass separating the space. Two figures were dancing slowly in the middle of the room, wrapped around each other so tightly, Benny could barely tell where one began and one ended.

" _You are here and so am I. Maybe millions of people go by."_

Dean had his arms wrapped tight around Cas's waist, resting his head on his shoulder. Cas had one arm around Dean's shoulders. The other arm was raised, hand carding through Dean's hair. They swayed with the music, and Benny could just hear Dean mumbling the words of the song into Cas's shoulder.

" _But they all disappear from view. And I only have eyes for you."_

As the music came to an end, Dean raised his head, smiled at Cas, and leaned in for a long, lingering kiss.

"Well, now," Benny said softly. "Would you look at that."

Andrea dragged him away from the door, pulling him behind a shelf and claiming her own long, lingering kiss. "See?" she murmured. "When it's time, they'll be ok. They will."

Benny tightened his arms around her.

"For the first time, darlin', I think I might believe that."

* * *

Birdsong drifted through the trees and into the open window. Charlie blinked her eyes open, sunlight near blinding her. She groaned and rolled over, hiding her face against the smooth, naked skin between Cassie Robinson's shoulder blades.

"Ugh, turn off the morning!"

"Hehe, if only it were that easy. Then we could still pretend it was last night." Cassie rolled to face her, sliding a hand up Charlie's leg as she did. "Girl, I didn't know I could make you scream like that."

"Ugh, shut your mouth."

"Mmm, sure you want me to do that? Lots of other things I can do with my mouth."

"Heh. That much I know." Morning breath be damned, Charlie leaned into Cassie's space, kissing her long and deep. "Wait," she said abruptly, breaking off the kiss. "What time is it?"

"I dunno. Like eight?"

"Eight?! Oh my god, I'm going to be late!" She yanked herself from bed, looking for clothes suitably clean enough for work.

"Wait a minute. We're closed today, remember? Cas's graduation?"

Charlie's shoulders sagged. "Holy shit, I almost forgot." She dropped down on the bed. "Damn. That means I've been Benny's GM for almost a year now. That means we've been dating almost a whole year! Holy crap, that went fast."

"Mm-hmm, sure did," Cassie sat up, kissing a trail up Charlie's shoulder, stopping just below her ear. Charlie could feel the drag of Cassie's curls along her bare skin, and just like that, she was nine kinds of turned on. "The ceremony is at noon, which means we've got a few hours. Come on back down here," Cassie purred, pulling Charlie back down on the bed.

"Well, hello," Charlie grinned, once Cassie had her arranged flat on her back.

"Hello. Good morning." Cassie pressed a kiss to Charlie's forehead, then another to her cheek, trailing down her face. She stopped briefly at her lips, before continuing down her neck, down the column of her throat, between the swell of her breasts.

Charlie sucked in a breath just as Cassie sucked a nipple into the warmth of her mouth.

"Ooh, wow. Mmm," Charlie purred, arching her back off the bed.

Cassie trailed a hand downward as she switched to Charlie's other nipple, pulling the nub into her mouth and sucking. Her fingers slid between Charlie's legs, finding her clit with practiced ease.

"Hmm, look how wet you already are, baby. All turned on for me, huh?"

"Oh, you know it," Charlie breathed.

Cassie grinned, dark eyes impossibly darker. "I think I'm gonna make you scream again, sweetheart." She kissed the space between Charlie's breasts again, kissing and licking as she trailed downward. Her fingers danced over Charlie's clit, dipped inside her pussy.

Charlie made a little broken sound, arching off the bed as Cassie lightly bit the skin around her navel. Cassie left little nips and bites, and Charlie smiled, thinking about the bruises they'd leave. She always did like being marked up.

Charlie opened her legs, grinning down at Cassie. Cassie placed a soft kiss on Charlie's inner thigh. Fingers still moving, she leaned down and sucked Charlie's clit into her mouth.

Cassie did make her scream, then Charlie returned the favor. After, they lay sprawled across each other in Cassie's big bed.

These days, Charlie spent way more time at Cassie's little house then she did at home. In fact, it had been about a week since she'd spent the night in her own bed. It was easier at Cassie's, since Cassie lived alone. At home, Charlie's room was directly across the hall from Benny and Andrea's, which definitely had the potential to get awkward - to say the least!

Cassie kissed Charlie's temple, pulling her closer. "I'm hungry. We should get up," Cassie said quietly.

"Nah. Don't want to," Charlie stretched. "Let's just stay here."

"I know you'd stab yourself in the eye before you missed Cas graduating."

"Yeah, true facts. Ok, guess we're going to have to get up then, because I am muchly in need of a shower."

"Me, too."

Neither one of them bothered to move, however, and Charlie shifted her body to lay closer to Cassie. They were quiet, in that contented, post-coital way, listening to the birds sing and the air conditioning cycle on and off. Creeper, Cassie's oddball rescue tabby, nosed open the door and settled his considerable weight across their hips.

It was contentment. Pure and simple. Charlie had never had so many things go so right in her life. Everything was beautiful, perfect, wonderful. She had Cassie. Cas and Dean had been together for almost a year. She'd never seen Dean smile as much as he did now.

The three of them, graduates of the school of hard knocks, finally settling into the lives they deserved.

"You should just go ahead and move in here, you know?" Cassie asked softly, nose buried in Charlie's hair.

"I should. I pretty much live here already." She frowned. "But what about Cas and Dean?"

"Gotta have your own life. You see them everyday. And truthfully? Dean's expecting you to announce that you're moving here. He keeps asking me when I'm going to ask. So this is me asking. Move in with me?"

Charlie thought about it for a moment. "Under one condition. You let me put you through school."

"Charlie -"

"Nope. Benny pays me way too much. You'll get a lot of financial aid anyway, but I can cover your books and supplies and stuff, and you can quit working full time. Just part time. We can swing it."

"Char-"

"No," Charlie propped herself up on one elbow. "You're brilliant. You have so much to give. You'd be an amazing writer, and honestly, you probably don't even need that journalism degree. But that's what I want for you. So yeah, let me move in, share the household bills and stuff, but please. Let me send you to school. I want to do this."

"God, you're stubborn."

"So are you."

"Huh."

"Yeah."

"Isn't it amazing, that these two little lost girls with no parents found each other?"

"It's fate. We're meant to be here. Please let me do this for you."

Cassie pulled Charlie back down to lay on her chest again. "Ok, fine. But you get to pick me up and calm me down when I'm freaking out and failing friggin' everything."

"Won't happen. You're just too brilliant."

"Shuddup."

"You shuddup."

Giggling, they found each other's lips, trading sweet, slow kisses back and forth.

"I think I'm in love with you, Charlie Bradbury," Cassie whispered.

"Good," Charlie said, kissing her again, "'cause I know I'm in love with you. And as soon as this damn country gets it's head out of it's ass, I'm going to marry you."

Cassie pulled back slightly, surprise in her eyes. "You mean that?"

"Damn right I do."

As it turned out, they were almost late to Cas's graduation.

* * *

Life rolled on. In the blink of an eye, sixteen years passed by. For the last six years, Cas had been working with a law firm in Baltimore City that represented LGBTQA clients. In fact, as Cas drove back to Dundalk on a windy January afternoon, he was thinking about his current case.

Two men, in a civil partnership for the last seventeen years. One of the men was dying, slowly, horribly, from bone cancer. His family was fighting his partner on every little thing, from the man's care plan, to his will, and everything in between. Dennis, the healthy partner, was exhausted. It hurt Cas to see it. He was doing as much as he could to fight on Dennis's behalf; if nothing else, to take some of the strain off the man.

Cas pulled his Tercel into the parking lot behind the diner. Sighing, he lifted his tired body from the car. Working was the last thing he felt like doing, but he knew Dean needed the help, and at the end of the day, he'd do anything for Dean.

Dean obviously didn't hear him come in. He was flipping patties at the grill, singing Zep's  _Thank You_  under his breath while he cooked.

January 24, 2011. Dean was thirty-two. Despite the fact the rest of the world believed him to be thirty-five as of last June, Cas knew the truth. He stepped up behind Dean, wrapping his arms around him. "Hello, Dean," he murmured, leaning to kiss his neck. "Happy birthday," he whispered.

Dean blushed so hard, the pink wound it's way around his neck and up into his ears. "Thanks," he whispered back.

They both glanced over at Gabe, but he was busy with something else. Cas was confident he hadn't heard the exchange.

"Busy today?" he asked, louder.

"Not really. I was just thinking about turning everything over to Gabe and heading home. Charlie left an hour ago. Her and Cassie were going to some soiree at Cassie's work."

"Hmm. I'd love to go home. Long day, and I'm tired."

"Did you work the Connor-Willis case today?"

"Yes." Cas pulled away from Dean, grabbed a glass, and got himself some water. "Dennis is exhausted. Tommy's parents are making everything a fight. The thing is, Tommy's will is clear. Dennis is his beneficiary." He sighed, then sipped his water. "Someday, same-sex marriage will be legal in this country. When that happens, those couples will have the same rights as heterosexual couples. I'd love to be put out of a job."

Dean smiled. "You ever think about that? Getting married?"

"Only to you," Cas said frankly.

"Well, yeah."

"Is that a proposal?"

Barking a laugh, Dean grinned. "A pretty shitty one, if it is." He finished the burger he was making and slid it into the order window. Stepping away from the grill, he grabbed the lapels of Cas's trench and tugged him closer. "No, when I propose, it's going to be epic. Ok? Epic."

Cas pulled him closer still and kissed him. "Let's go home, you hopeless romantic. Ok?"

"Yeah, ok."

They left the Tercel at the diner. Cas slid across the bench seat of the pristine Nova, snuggling into Dean's side. Dean threw an arm around his shoulder and drove home one-handed. Cas made a beeline for the shower as soon as he got home. When he came out, their basement room was empty. He tossed his towel over the headboard of their queen size bed.

That had been one of the first things they'd done when they'd become a couple - invested in a bed big enough for both of them!

Dean was upstairs in the kitchen, cooking something by the smell of it. There was pie and a small stack of gifts sitting on the table.

"Add some more garlic," Benny demanded as he walked into the kitchen.

"I got four cloves in there already, it doesn't need more."

Benny grabbed a wooden spoon and tasted the sauce. "Hmm. Might be righ' 'bout that."

"Of course I'm right," Dean shot back.

"Watch the sass, youngin'." He patted Dean's back. "Happy birthday, kiddo."

"Thanks. Is that a pecan pie?"

"'course. What else would I make?"

"Dunno. Was afraid you were gonna try and feed me cake again."

"One time, Dean. Learned my damn lesson, didn't I?"

Cas watched their exchange with amusement. He busied himself pulling plates and cups from the cabinets and setting the table.

"Dean! You're not supposed to be cooking your own birthday dinner!" Andrea protested, carrying another wrapped box into the room.

"I do what I want," he snarked, grinning at her.

The four of them worked together after that. Cas sliced Italian bread, Andrea made a salad, Benny drained the pasta, and Dean stirred the noodles into the sauce.

Conversation was jubilant, everyone in wonderful moods, although something was up with Benny. His eyes were sad; Cas couldn't imagine why.

After, there was pie and presents. Dean opened his presents from the Lafittes; some new clothes, an iPod, and a big gift certificate to Salvo Auto Parts, Dean's favorite parts store. He received a new Zep shirt from Cas, and Styx concert tickets from Charlie.

"Also, even though we haven't formalized it in writing, 'Drea and I are gonna make you and Cas the heirs to the diner and this house. So if and when something happens to us, all of this becomes yours." Benny smiled, but the smile didn't reach his eyes.

"Really?" Dean asked, eyes sparkling.

"Really. Charlie will be a co-owner on the diner, but you two will inherit this house, since I'm pretty sure her and the lovely Cassie are a very done deal," Andrea grinned, "just like too other lovebirds I know."

"Thanks guys, this is awesome!" Dean's face was bright and happy. He didn't seem to notice the air of sadness around Benny, and Cas worried that something was happening - maybe Benny was sick? He resolved to discuss it with the man later. First, he had one more present for Dean.

"And I have one more thing for you, Dean," Cas smiled, pulling a box from his pocket while sliding out of his chair and onto one knee.

Andrea gasped.

"I find it interesting that we were just talking about this tonight, since I've had this ring in my possession for about two weeks -" he flipped open the box to reveal a simple gold band, "and I know you said you'd do the proposing, but I'm beating you to it after all. Unless this afternoon actually counted, in which case you won, but I'm making it official."

Dean grinned and chuckled. Cas looked up at him, not surprised to see tears sparkling in his pretty green eyes. But that smile - that made it all worth while.

"So anyway, I was hoping, as soon as it becomes legal - and I do think that's going to be soon - I was wondering if you'd do me the honor of becoming my husband?"

"Shit, Cas, of course!"

Benny and Andrea cheered as Dean pulled Cas up, wrapping him in a tight hug and kissing him.

"Best birthday ever," Dean said softly, as Cas slid the ring on his hand.

***

"So you really want to do this? Saddle yourself with this old brokedown horse?"

"I'm not marrying a horse," Cas grinned, pulling the comforter on their bed down.

Dean was standing near the dresser, stripping his work pants off. "Well, ok. Still, you've got time to run away."

"Sure, I'll run away. But only if you come with me."

"Haha, that would kinda defeat the purpose."

Cas frowned. He walked over to where Dean was staring down at the top of the dresser. "I  _want_ to marry you, y'know? I  _choose_  you."

"I mean, dude, we haven't even - we haven't even -" Dean blushed.

"Have the last eight years taught you nothing? Dean," Cas reached for his hands and pulled him close. "It didn't matter then. It doesn't matter now. It won't matter years from now. I just want to be with you. Ok? I'm more than content with the kisses, hugs, early morning snuggles, showering together, spending all our time together. I don't need sex. I told you that right from the beginning. I meant it."

"But -"

"No buts," Cas put a finger over Dean's lips. "No buts. Now, I'm tired. I had a long day, and I'm ready for bed. Ok?"

Dean nodded.

"Alright. Get changed already."

Cas pulled his cellphone out and set his alarm, setting the phone on the nightstand when he was done. He pulled out a suit for the next day, choosing a blue tie Dean had bought him.

"Winchester."

"What?" He looked back at Dean, confused.

"My last name. It's Winchester. I mean, I've been Smith for so long I'm used to it, but my last name is Winchester."

"Like the gun."

"Yeah," Dean smiled, "just like the gun." He crawled onto his side of the bed, setting his phone on his nightstand.

"Dean, I -"

"I figure if we're getting married, you should really know everything about me. So anything you want to know, just ask."

"Ok. Where were you born?"

"Lawrence, Kansas."

"How the hell did you end up in Dundalk?"

"Well, um, my dad, he traveled for work. Followed the work, and we moved around a lot. I got to Baltimore in the cab of a truck. The trucker was knocking me around, and he uh- he -," Dean swallowed. "So I hopped out of the cab at that travel plaza on O'Donnell Street and ran. I just walked and walked and ended up in back of the diner. Benny took me in, 'cause he's too damn trusting and generous for his own good."

Cas processed this new information as he sat on his side of the bed. "Do you have any other family out there?" he asked quietly. Dean's father was the only person he'd ever mentioned, and it had been years since they'd spoken of him.

"Uh, well - my mom died when I was really young. I was about two months from turning five. And my - my -" Dean sighed.

Pulling his legs up and under the covers, Cas shifted until he was laying flat with Dean in his arms. "It's ok. You don't have to tell me."

"I want to," Dean mumbled into Cas's neck. "I um, somewhere out there, I have a little brother. He'd be twenty-seven now. His name is Sammy. He's a good kid, smart as whip - or at least he was. I um, I abandoned him. I cut up Dad and I ran. So if he is still out there, he probably hates me and never wants to see me again." Dean's voice cracked.

Cas felt warm wetness on his shoulder and ran his hand over Dean's back. "I doubt that anyone could hate you."

"No, Cas, y'don't understand. I pulled him from the fire that killed my mom. I promised him I'd take care of him and I ran. I fucking ran."

"Dean, it's perfectly reasonable to think that you probably weren't in your right mind when all of that happened. You'd just been through a horrendous trauma; it's a wonder you were able to function enough to get yourself to the hospital."

"Still - I think about him all the time. Everyday. And I wonder, where is he now? Did he get to go to college? Did he get to do all the things he wanted to do? At least I know Dad never touched him like he did me. At least that gives me peace."

They lay in the quiet for a while, Dean's tears eventually subsiding.

"I've been looking into something, and I want you to think about it and not bite my head off. One of my clients goes to a support group. This support group deals exclusively with victims of incestuous rape. She's holding a spot for you, but I said I'd need to speak with you first, and-"

"Yes."

"Really?" Cas asked, surprised.

"Really. I need to deal with this. I need to. I'm sick of it haunting me and coloring everything I do in my life."

"Huh. Ok. I'll call Meredith tomorrow and let her know. And if you ever decide you want to find Sam, I know people -"

"I know, Cas. I know."

They fell quiet again, Dean's breathing slowly evening out until Cas was sure he was asleep.

"I love you," he whispered into Dean's hair. He pulled his left hand to his lips and kissed his new ring.

"Love you, too," he replied sleepily. "Thanks for lovin' me, Cas."

"Thank you for letting me, and for loving me in return."

* * *

"So that's it? You're just going to walk away from your job, walk away from us?" Jessica Moore slammed a plate into the cabinet. "I can't believe you."

"I'm not happy. You're not happy. Shouldn't we just cut our losses and move on? I thought this was what I wanted. It's not."

"Because you refuse to let go of Dean. Haven't you figured it out yet? Dean doesn't want to be found!"

"I can't just let him go! He's my brother. There is not a day that goes by, Jess! You know that! Hell, I thought the nightmares would have been your first clue."

"Fuck, you know what? Fine. Get your shit and go. But don't fucking come back. I'm done, ok? Done." She crossed her arms over her chest. "I can't compete with a ghost," she said sadly.

"Jess, please -"

"No. No, this ends now. I'm too tired for this. And I deserve to have someone's full attention. I'm sorry, Sam. Please be gone when I get back."

She snatched her purse off the table and banged her way out of the apartment.

Sam sighed and dropped onto a kitchen chair.

So this was it. His apple pie life, the one he thought he wanted so badly, was falling apart around him and he fully intended to let it. He thought about the engagement ring he'd had for three years - the one he'd never gotten around to giving Jess.

It really was no surprise. He'd never let himself fully commit to this life. Being a lawyer felt temporary, somehow, and obviously, if things with Jess had been working, he'd have proposed when he first bought the ring.

Sam had been phoning it in since he'd killed Azazel. The high score on his LSAT, the full ride to another four years at Stanford, everything had been accomplished on autopilot.

He dreamt about Dean every single night. The dreams varied from warm memories involving legos and little green army men, to violent images soaked in blood.

Dean was haunting him. Dead or alive, his brother was haunting him.

It took a measly three hours to pack all of his things into the Impala. He wrote a short note to Jess, thanking her for putting up with him longer than she had to, wrote and mailed a resignation letter to Brady's father's law firm. He gassed up at the first station he came to and drove through the night, knocking on the door just after five am.

"Aw hell, boy," a grumpy and bed ruffled Bobby Singer greeted him. "Done bein' a civilian already?"

Sam dropped his duffel inside the door and let Bobby pull him into a hug.

"It's time, Bobby," he muttered. "It's time to find Dean."

  
  



	9. Never Broken

On January 1, 2013, Benny held Andrea's hand tight and watched as Dean and Cas got married in the Towson Courthouse. Cassie and Charlie also tied the knot that day. They were all four part of history, married under Maryland's brand spanking new Civil Marriage Protection Act.

Dean had never looked happier. He and Cas wore matching black tuxedos; Dean with a green bowtie, Cas with blue. To match their eyes, of course, since Dean decided they might as well be as cliched as possible. Charlie wore an emerald green mini dress under a bright purple coat, and Cassie wore a vintage red cocktail dress with bright purple pumps.

The four of them were smiling so big, even as Dean wiped away tears throughout his ceremony, then did the same during Charlie's.

Gabe tagged along, having designated himself photographer. He snapped picture after picture, handing out his email address to the couples with no one present to take pictures for them.

On the front steps of the courthouse, Dean and Cas posed with a hand each on their freshly signed marriage certificate, both grinning into a kiss.

Benny was happy for them. Ecstatic.

But he was hurting for himself.

They'd stayed far beyond the five years he and Andrea had agreed to back when Dean and Cas first started dating. They'd now been in Baltimore twenty years. Excuse after excuse had been made by both of them for staying, but they couldn't delay any longer. It was time to go. Benny ached for what his faked death would do to Dean - but Andrea was right. It was time. Better to "die" while the kid still loved him then risk losing him when he found out Benny wasn't exactly human.

First, however, was a dual wedding reception at the closed for the day diner. All the other staff had been busy while they were out. Gabe headed right for the kitchen to help with the cooking. An impressive stack of gifts sat on two tables near the front, and the jukebox was already cranking out tunes.

Charlie and Cassie walked through the door first, holding hands, and Charlie held up their marriage certificate to raucous cheers. Dean and Cas should have followed, but when Benny went to find out where they were, he found them kissing in the diner's atrium.

"Come on, you two! Plenty time for that later!"

Dean startled and cast a sheepish grin at Benny, his cheeks bright red. "Sorry. I'm kinda on cloud nine right now."

"I get it. But come enjoy your party, alrigh'?"

Cas nodded, and pulled Dean through the doors. They held up their marriage certificate to another loud round of cheers and were pulled into the crowd.

Benny watched them go, sadness in his heart. One would think that a cold, undead vampire wouldn't hurt like this, wouldn't feel. No one warned him that the bloodlust didn't erase human emotion, or the need to love and be loved. If anything, it had amplified it. Still, he'd been determined to be the exception. He found ways to feed that didn't involve killing humans.

And this wonderful, beautiful boy had wandered into his and Andrea's world, giving them the son they never thought they'd have. Then Charlie had turned up, followed by Cas, and the Lafittes happily thought themselves the parents of three lovely children. It was a gift they'd never expected.

But time was drawing to a close for them in Baltimore. Once the kids got back from their honeymoons, he and Andrea would be leaving. Neither one of them were prepared to deal with the kids' grief, so they'd made arrangements with Frank and a friend of his who knew what they were. They'd stage a fiery car wreck and quietly disappear.

Dean and Cas would find themselves owners of the home they were happily remodeling. Benny told Dean he could do anything he wanted to the house, since it would be his someday anyway. He'd already remodeled his and Cas's room in the basement. He'd just finished remodeling the kitchen and adding a lovely sun porch. All the rooms had been freshly painted, and new carpet had been installed in the living room.

Out front, Dean and Cas had terraced the little hill that led into their house, planting shrubs and installing sidewalk lights, and when spring came, Dean planned to plant flora that attracted honeybees, since Cas loved to watch them.

Cas and Dean would both find a large sum of money in their joint bank account, and in the will, all of Benny and Andrea's physical property would go to them, plus half the diner.

Charlie and Cassie would receive a large sum as well, and Charlie would be the other owner of the diner. The kids were set up for long, happy lives.

Rhonda pulled Dean into a hug as Benny watched Dean and Cas move across the diner, huge grins on their faces. Gabe brought platters of food from the back, and everyone settled into place to eat and drink and make merry.

Toasts were given, and the jukebox was fired up.

Charlie and Cassie took the floor first, dancing to Sarah McLachlan's  _Ice Cream_. Both girls were all smiles, wrapped around each other and oblivious to the world.

Dean and Cas were next, and Benny smiled as The Flamingos echoed through the diner. He'd heard that song so many times since Cas and Dean got together. It was their song, through and through, and by far the single most played song on the jukebox. They kissed through most of the song, not really dancing. It was more swaying with each other than anything else, but their happiness radiated through the room.

After, pie and cake were cut and shared, then Benny danced with Charlie, while Andrea danced with Dean.

When the party was over, a limo was waiting out front for Cassie and Charlie. They were off to the airport and the Caribbean. Meanwhile, Cas and Dean were driving the Nova to Disney World, and at some point during the party, someone had snuck outside and filled Dean's car with balloons and tied what looked like an entire case worth's of empty beer cans to the rear bumper.

"Gabe! I'm going to kill you!" Dean yelled as he opened his door and dozens of balloons tumbled out.

"Oh, come on! It's tradition!"

Flipping Gabe the bird, Dean cleared more of the balloons before sliding inside the car and starting her up with a mighty roar. Andrea wrapped an arm around Benny's waist and he pulled her closer. They waved as Dean honked the horn and pulled out, both him and Cas waving out the open windows.

"They're so happy," Andrea said softly. "They're going to be ok, y'know? They're going to be ok."

"I know, darlin'." He kissed the top of her head. "An' we will, too."

* * *

They spent the night in the city at the Marriott, in a room overlooking the harbor. Cas laid beside Dean in bed, lights from the city highlighting the arch of his cheekbones. Hands joined, they traded soft kisses in the dim room.

"I love you," Cas whispered. "I love you with my whole heart."

"I love you," Dean murmured, tucking his face into Cas's shoulder. "I never thought I'd have something like this. I love you so much."

Sleep came not long after, and they were both up with the sun. A shower was taken together, room service breakfast enjoyed, and then they were on the road, heading south on I-95 towards Orlando. Lots of other drivers honked merrily as they passed, although some were clearly surprised to see the 'just married' couple in the classic car happened to be two guys.

It was late evening when they arrived in Orlando. They checked in at the Contemporary Resort, and Cas was treated to Dean's delighted expression as the monorail soared through the hotel. Their room was beautiful, and from the balcony, they could clearly see Cinderella's Castle.

"Oh, this is like the coolest thing ever!" Dean exclaimed.

"Mmm," Cas walked out onto the balcony and wrapped his arms around Dean's waist. "We're going to have a wonderful week." He kissed Dean's neck. "Are you happy?"

Dean turned in his arms and kissed him. "Very."

They ordered room service for dinner and enjoyed it on the balcony. The fireworks show started not long after.

"Would you like to take a bath?" Cas asked, after the show ended.

"That would be cool."

Dean cleaned up their dinner and set the tray outside the door while Cas ran the water. The tub was a bit too small for two grown men, but they made it work. Dean leaned back into Cas's chest, and they talked about the things they wanted to do in the park that week.

The next morning, they had breakfast in bed, boarding the monorail afterwards and heading to Disney's Hollywood Studios. Dean waved like a madman when they called for volunteers at the Indiana Jones stunt show, and Cas took a thousand pictures with the new camera Benny and Andrea had given them for a wedding gift. Dean couldn't stop grinning the whole time he was on stage. After, Cas bought him an authentic Indy hat at the gift shop.

They rode Star Tours next, and Dean built himself a custom light saber in that giftshop. Dean was on cloud nine. Hollywood Studios was nerd nirvana, and Cas had to rein him in to keep him from buying an accurate size Ewok for Charlie. She got a small stuffed one instead. Dean bought himself a bunch of pins. His lanyard was getting full already, and they'd only been in the park a few hours!

By the time they wrapped up their day at the Studios, Dean was yawning, so Cas took him back to their room for a nap. Dinner was at Planet Hollywood in Downtown Disney. After, they went for a walk and Dean found the Lego Store and spent some more money. Cas didn't care. The huge grin on Dean's face made it all rather irresistible.

The next morning was Animal Kingdom and Epcot the day after that. Moving on to the Magic Kingdom the day after, they kissed in front of Cinderella's Castle, and Dean screamed his way through Space Mountain. He insisted on riding both Pirates of the Caribbean and The Haunted Mansion three times each and sulked all the way through It's a Small World.

They made out in the Tiki Room.

They got asked to leave the Tiki Room.

Dean was embarrassed, but they were both laughing about it when they got back to the room. Cas pulled him inside, shutting the door behind them. They kissed their way across the room, removing pieces of clothing as they went.

Something was different; Dean was kissing him a little harder, a little more desperately. He shoved Cas down on the bed and straddled him.

"Dean, are you -"

"Ssh." Dean silenced him with a kiss. He tugged on Cas's shirt, pulling the tee up and off.

"Dean, I don't -"

Reaching for Cas's hand, Dean slid it downward, until he was touching Dean's groin.

"What? I -  _oh_  -"

Dean was hard in his pants, and he looked at Cas, a shy smile on his face. "That hasn't happened in a really long time," he said softly. "And I kinda - if you're willing, I um, I wanna do something about it."

"What do you - I mean, I've never - and I don't want to hurt you, or scare you."

"You won't. I trust you. We can take it slow. I'll show you what to do or," Dean flushed. "We can just kinda figure it out. Right?"

"Right," Cas said breathlessly, pulling Dean in for another kiss. He rolled them onto their sides, and they slowly peeled each other out of their clothes. They'd been naked together many times before; but this,  _this_  was different. Cas kissed Dean's neck. "You're so beautiful," he whispered.

"Touch me, Cas. Please."

"Anything. Anything you want." He reached for Dean, wrapping his fingers around Dean's cock.

"Just like you do for yourself. Please, Cas. It's been so long."

"Ssh, I got you, baby." Cas gently ran his hand up and down, experimenting with varying the pressure and the noises it dragged out of Dean. "I wish we had some lube. I didn't bring any -"

"I did."

"You did?" Cas asked, surprised.

"It's been - I dunno. Last couple of times we've really gotten into making out - I felt. I felt  _something_. So I got some. Just in case." Dean squirmed a bit, reaching into the nightstand beside the bed. "Here." A cap snicked open, and he poured the cool liquid into Cas's hand.

The effect was instantaneous. His palm glided along Dean's length. Tightening his fist, Cas smiled into Dean's shoulder as his husband moaned, back arching slightly.

"Fuck," Dean whined.

"Does it feel good? Am I making you feel good?"

"G-god, Cas. Oh shit. I can't - not gonna last - too long, been too fuckin' long." Dean was panting, hips thrusting into Cas's fist. He turned to look at him, green eyes bright and pupils huge, a thin sheen of sweat on his brow. "Kiss me," he ordered.

Cas complied, pressing their lips together. Dean tangled his fingers in Cas's hair, holding him tight against his lips. "Oh fuck, gonna - I'm gonna -" Dean slammed his hips upward one last time before spilling hot and sticky over Cas's fist. "Cas, I - I -"

Cas kissed him again. Dean growled into the kiss, flipping Cas over onto his back, and before Cas even realized what was happening, Dean had swallowed him down to the root.

"Dean!" There was no time to really enjoy the sensations Dean was producing with his tongue and the suction he created. Cas came so fast, so hard, stars danced in front of his eyes. "Oh god," he moaned. His fingers were digging into Dean's scalp and he didn't know when that had happened.

Dean crawled back up the bed towards him, collapsing across Cas's body. "Fuck," he muttered.

"I have no words," Cas said softly.

"I'm not broken," Dean murmured into his collarbone. "Not broken."

"Hey," Cas pulled Dean up to meet his eyes. "You were never broken. Ever. I won't have you thinking that way. Nothing was wrong with you. Do you understand me? Nothing was wrong with you."

Dean nodded, a tear slipping from his eye.

"It's ok, baby. It's ok. This is just something new for us to enjoy. But this isn't you being 'fixed' because you were never, ever broken. You're perfect. You're beautiful. I love you so very much."

"What if it never happens again?"

"Then it never happens again. I won't love you any less. I assure you of that."

Nodding, Dean wrapped his arm around Cas's waist. "I love you. Thank you - for everything."

"No thanks were ever needed. Sleep," he murmured, kissing the top of Dean's head. "Sleep, my beautiful husband."

* * *

It did happen again - several times. While they did make it to Universal Studios and the Harry Potter section of the park, they ended up spending most of the three days they had left in their room. On the last day, Cas actually convinced Dean to fuck him. As Dean slid inside his body, Cas felt like his brain was going to explode from the overload of pleasure.

"Cas - shit -" Dean panted, trailing fingers down his spine. "So - I can't, oh god -" Dean's voice broke as his hips slammed harder into Cas. Cas knelt on the bed, knees wobbling with the waves of pleasure Dean was sending through his body.

"I never - so good," Cas babbled. Dean's hand snaked around his waist, wrapping around his dick and stroking in time with his hard thrusts. Dean's other hand was a vice on his hip, his grip strong and steady. Cas didn't think he'd ever been more turned on his life - then one glorious thrust resulted in the head of Dean's dick dragging across his prostate, and Cas decided if he died in that moment, it would be ok. He'd never imagined pleasure like that. Cas arched his back and moaned, tightening as he did, and Dean muttered a curse behind him. He did it again, just to hear Dean's reaction.

He made the most incredible noises; moans, whimpers, curses; Dean was anything but quiet in bed, and Cas soaked it all up.

"I'm gonna come, Cas. Want you to come. C'mon, baby, come for me."

"Ahh, Dean!" Cas's hips bucked as he came all over the bed and Dean's fist, and Dean wasn't far behind him, warmth filling him as Dean's cock pulsed in his ass. He felt Dean press his forehead against his back, felt harsh pants of breath against his skin.

"Almost twenty years of nothing and now - heh," Dean chuckled.

"Making up for lost time. I feel like we need another week of honeymoon."

"Tempting as hell, believe me." He pulled out, and Cas grimaced a bit. They both moved around until they were laying side by side. "One last night in Orlando."

"Bummer."

"I know. We should go back to Universal and hit Margaritaville. Burgers, booze, all the good things."

"Ok. Nap first?"

"Nap is good." Dean moved closer. Cas rolled onto his back so Dean could lay with his head on his shoulder. They were quiet, and Cas was sure Dean had dropped off.

"I never thought I'd have something like this," Dean murmured. "I never thought I'd be this happy. I didn't think - good things weren't something that happened to me. Then you happened. And you're the best good thing." He propped himself up on one elbow, smiling down at Cas. "You're the best good thing ever," he repeated.

"Pretty sure that's you."

"Nah."

"Yes. I was so lonely. I felt so lost. And you changed all of that. With just a mug of hot chocolate."

Dean smiled.

"Come back here," Cas demanded, pulling Dean back into his arms. "I love you."

"Love you," Dean said sleepily.

They dozed off together, wrapped tight around each other, happy, sated, and content.

* * *

Three weeks later, Cas held Dean in his arms while he sobbed over Benny and Andrea's closed coffins. Black ice, Loch Raven Reservoir - Benny had lost control of the car, resulting in a fiery crash. He and Andrea had died on impact. Their funeral was on a cold, icy day at the end of January - just after Dean's thirty-fourth birthday.

Charlie stood nearby, uncharacteristically somber as Cassie held her tight. She had a slightly dazed look on her face - like she couldn't believe any of this was happening. Both her's and Dean's grief was palpable; it hung over the cemetery like a black cloud. Dean had been inconsolable since Victor had brought them the news.

He was, for all intents and purposes, mourning his mother and father. Even as much as they'd meant to Cas, and to Charlie, Dean was the one who would miss them the most.

A wake followed, the diner closed and draped in black crepe. Cas stayed close to Dean. He spent most of the time sitting in a chair, a shell-shocked expression on his face. Dean hugged and shook hands with people on auto-pilot, overwhelmed by his grief. Cas wanted nothing more than to get him out of there, but Dean refused to leave until the last guest was gone, insisting on staying to oversee the cleanup as well. After Cas found him vacuuming the reception room with tears running unchecked down his cheeks, he put his foot down and drove Dean home.

"They saved me," he whispered to Cas in bed that night, voice raw and stripped from crying. "They saved me in every way possible. Everything I have - hell, even you - I wouldn't have any of it without them. They deserved better. They deserved to die a silly old married couple in their bed. This isn't right. It's so fucked up, Cas," Dean's voice broke and he was crying again. "I don't know what to do. I don't know -"

"We just keep going. We keep the diner running and successful. That's how we pay them back. They left us everything. We give back by keeping it moving."

Dean nodded against his neck. "I miss them so much," he sobbed. "I miss them so fucking much."

"I know. But we'll get through this. We will. I promise you."

* * *

"Holy shit."

Sam stood at the base of the stairs and stared into the library.

"Wow. I think we've found the batcave," Jo said, sounding just as astonished.

"Henry wasn't exaggerating. And now we have a home base again. Somewhere safe. Somewhere I can bring Dean - when we find him."

"We're going to find him," Jo said. "I can feel it."

"I hope so."

But Sam was beginning to lose hope. So much had happened. Bobby's house, burned to the ground by demons. Ellen's bar, burned to the ground by demons. Ash didn't make it out. They were fighting a war. Then, the impossible. His grandfather, Henry Winchester, tumbling out of a closet, fresh from 1958 with a Knight of Hell hot on his heels and a boatload of prophecy Sam still wasn't prepared to deal with.

Abaddon, the aforementioned Knight, had been neutralized. He'd lost Henry in the process.

Henry had left one hell of gift, however, and a legacy.

Now, as Sam stood in the bunker and watched his little ragtag group of hunters move themselves in, he felt his hope building again. In this impressive library, maybe he'd find the answers he sought - the answers to his questions. Why were he and Dean so important? Why were the angels and demons both after them?

"Daddy!"

Sam turned and scooped up his eighteen month old son. "Hey, Deanie. What do you think?"

"Neat!"

"Buddy, you say that about everything."

"There he is. He needs a diaper." Jo scooped Dean out of his arms. "Are you hungry, buddy?"

"Yes, I am."

"Haha, wasn't talking to you, idiot."

"You're so charming."

"Charm is for ladies. I am no lady."

"Could be if you tired, Joanna."

Jo blew a raspberry at Ellen as she walked by. "Whatever, Mom." She disappeared down the hall with the baby.

"You ever gonna marry my daughter, Sam?"

"She's not in love with me. I'm not in love with her. One time, we messed up. Got Dean in the process. I made you a grandmother. Isn't that enough?"

Ellen scowled. "Guess it'll have to be."

"Everyone settled in?"

"Yup. That weird ass Chuck is muttering to himself. Claims to need whiskey. Bobby found the garage. Bunch'a old cars in there, and he's going nuts. Got the Impala tucked away all nice as you please. Garth is settling in. I picked a big room for you that adjoins another one. Thought you'd want Little Dean close. Jo's across the hall."

"Thanks."

"No problem. I um," she blushed. "I set one aside for Big Dean, too."

Sam impulsively hugged Ellen. "You're the best."

"I try."

"At least we're safe here."

"Nothing like knowin' Lucifer's breathing down your neck, huh?"

"Yeah." Sam sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Let's double check and make sure everyone is settled. We'll do dinner, make a list for a supply run, and then I'll call the council in the morning."

"Sounds good."

Sam watched her go, leaning back against the railing that surrounded an ancient telescope. He was very sorry Henry hadn't survived his trip to the future, but this bunker - this was a gift. It was everything he needed; a home, a basecamp, a safe place for his son and his growing chosen family.

A safe place to bring his brother - provided he found him first.

  
  



	10. Reunion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me a month to update! Hopefully, I'm getting back to normal around here. I miss writing.

The days after Benny and Andrea's deaths passed in a fog for Charlie. She went to work and did what she needed to do to keep the restaurant functioning, but she and Dean both had checked out a bit where the diner was concerned. When she did finally snap out of it, she and Dean agreed to put a hefty bonus in Gabe's next paycheck - he'd kept everything together for them, and had done so beautifully.

Charlie was tired all the time, though. Cassie would rub her back at night and try to calm her down, but it didn't always work. She still cried a lot, even several weeks after the Lafitte's death. Even so, if she thought things were bad for her -

"He's listless. I don't know what to do for him." Cas leaned back against the cushions on Charlie's couch, sipping at the mug of tea Cassie had given him. "I want to help. I don't know how. It makes my heart hurt to see him so unhappy."

"He basically lost his parents, y'know?" Charlie said softly. "I'm not surprised he's struggling. It'll get better, Cas. It has to."

"I keep thinking I should take him away for a few days. Get him out of Baltimore. Might do him a world of good."

"That sounds lovely. What did you have in mind?" Cassie sat next to Charlie, tucking her feet underneath. "I wish someone had taken me away when my Mom died."

"I was thinking maybe Las Vegas. Something very distracting."

"I think you should go for it. I can hold down the fort. Gabe's a lifesaver. We'll be fine."

"I'm just so worried about him. He's been doing so well the last few years, and I don't want him to backslide."

Charlie stared down at her mug, choosing her next words carefully. "You know, he's never told me what happened to him. I know it had something to do with his dad, and that he's like three years younger than his license says, but I'm just wondering -"

"Not my story to tell, Charlie."

"But you do know, right?"

"Well, yes. But it's still Dean's story, and still his decision as to whether or not he shares that with you. I don't mean to sound rude."

"Yeah, I know."

"So if you think you can handle the diner for a bit, I'll take him away this weekend."

"Sounds like a plan," Charlie agreed, and Cas was smiling and hopeful when he left, and by the time he and Dean got back a week later, Charlie had big news she couldn't wait to share with Dean.

"Guy Fieri. Ever hear of him?"

"Yeah," Dean said, looking up from the grill. "Why?"

"Well, our wonderful loyal clientele has been emailing the shit out of Mr. Fieri, insisting he needs to visit our little slice of culinary paradise and anyway, Food Network wants to film an episode of  _Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives_  here!"

Dean froze and turned to stare at her. "Wh-what?" he choked out, eyes wide.

"I know! Isn't it exciting? It's going to be so much good publicity for the show and I've always wanted to meet him and he'll bring his pretty Camaro and maybe we can get the car club to come up here and we can take pictures of the Nova and the Camaro and - and - Dean? Why do you look like you're about to throw up?"

"Charlie, I'm not - I'm not a professional chef. I'm nothing special, I mean what am I going to talk about with him? I make cheeseburgers and pies and that's about it. I'm not - I can't -"

Charlie patted Dean's arm. "You can do this. Your food is amazing. Benny used to tell you all the time that you were completely changing the way we did things here. Why do you think he let you have so much control over the menu? You  _are_  ready for this. Ok?"

"I can't -"

"You can."

"Fuck, Charlie."

"Oh, come on, Dean! It'll be fun!" Gabe chimed in. "We can break out our best recipes, like that angus and crab burger we do, and Benny's gumbo, plus your pies - this could be amazing!"

"See? I'm not the only one that thinks it's a good idea!"

"Ok, ok, fine! Fine! You win!"

"Of course I do," Charlie grinned.

And it did go fine. Two months later, the whole thing was behind them. Dean and Chef Fieri had hit it off, just as Charlie expected, and they threw a big party to watch the episode when it aired that summer. After that, the diner was never empty.

People came in and asked for autographs all the time, usually staying for food. The food was the draw after all, despite how many ladies came asking for Dean specifically.

Lesbian or not, Charlie knew her best friend was stupidly attractive. He'd gotten even better looking with age, and it boggled her mind that he could make crow's feet look so damn sexy. And Cas - well, the two of them together were enough to melt the hearts of pretty much every woman (and quite of few of the guys) that came in the place.

So it was no surprise when the brown eyed blonde asked if she could meet Dean.

"I just love his work," she gushed. "This was one of the best burgers I've ever had. I'd just love to meet him and say hi."

"Yeah, ok," Charlie grinned. She was adorable, after all, with that little turned up nose. Not that anyone would ever compare to Cassie, but still. "I'll see if he's got a moment."

Charlie walked back into the kitchen. "Dean, you've got a cute little blonde admirer who wants to say hello."

"Busy, Charlie! I gotta get out there and help bus tables." He shoved past her with a bus tray, laughing as he shoved himself butt-first out the door. "Bussing tables in my own restaurant, I tell you what," he yelled good naturedly. "C'mon, Cas, you said you'd help."

"I'm coming," Cas said, following Dean with his own tray. "Just like the old days," he grinned at Charlie.

She smiled back and followed them back out to the dining room. A small crowd had gathered by the front door, and the blonde from before was talking to an older man with a beard and a tall man with shoulder length brown hair.

Dean walked around towards the front of the diner, collecting dishes as he went. He looked up at the front door, and several things happened at once.

The man by the door's jaw dropped as the blonde grinned. Cas stumbled and spilled the glass he'd been putting in his tray.

Dean's tray slipped from his hands, crashing to the floor with an almighty clatter as several plates inside shattered.

His eyes were wide, terrified, as he stared at the man at the door.

"Sammy?"

* * *

"Nothing. Weeks of following leads and nothing. Goddammit!" Sam slammed his journal down on the war table.

"You mean to tell me the Council has nothing?" Bobby asked the angel sitting at the table.

"We're doing all we can. Crowley's got ears to the ground everywhere, but I can't -" Inias sighed, folding his hands on the table. "We've searched every corner of Heaven. He's not there. He's not in Hell. I have no more answers for you, Sam. There's only so much I can do before Heaven realizes I've joined your side. I'm sorry."

Sam stood, his chair shooting out behind him. "Time is running out," he growled, pacing the floor.

"I know. I'm aware of the urgency. I won't stop looking, I swear it. I swore my fealty to you, Sam Winchester. I meant it. I will help find your brother."

Nodding, Sam looked away. "I need to - I need to go for a walk. Clear my head. I'll be back." He was out of the bunker before anyone could argue with him, striding away in long, angry steps.

Twenty years. Twenty fucking years since he'd laid eyes on Dean Winchester. He knew his brother was alive. No soul in Heaven, no soul in Hell - that meant he still walked the Earth. But where? That was the question they couldn't seem to answer.

Sam walked for a long time. It was dusk before he returned the bunker, tired and frustrated, but marginally calmer. Little Dean was just finishing his dinner when he returned, parked in front of the TV in the library watching some cooking show.

"Hey," Jo greeted him. She didn't look up from her laptop.

"What're you doing?" he asked, watching his son vroom his little cars across the coffee table. He smiled.  _So much like the older version_ , he thought wistfully.

"Research, what else?"

"Yeah?" Sam pulled out a chair and sat next to her. "What's the subject?"

"Angels and demons." Jo sighed, rubbing her eyes. "I'm trying to see if I can make some type of correlation between what Inias told us about the Cage and what Crowley's saying about the horsemen and so far - Sam?"

Sam wasn't listening. He was staring at the television.

"So you put the crab cake right on the burger?" Guy Fieri asked the man cooking.

"Yeah. It's awesome. It's like surf and turf on a bun." Green eyes sparkled in the camera as freckle dusted hands built an incredible looking sandwich.

"Man, that just sounds insane! Can't wait to eat that. Now, is this one of your recipes, or one of Benny's?"

"Nope, this one's mine. We still cook a lot of Benny's recipes here, because the man was a hell of cook. Taught me everything I know - well, Gabe helped a lot, too."

The camera panned to a short cook standing beside the other guy, and Sam's blood boiled in his veins. "You don't give yourself enough credit, Dean," Gabe said with a grin, going back to what he was doing.

"Daddy! Daddy, that man is Dean like me!" Dean yelled from the floor.

"Oh my god," Jo whispered behind him.

"I'm going to murder that fucking asshole," Sam growled. He tore his eyes away from the TV, from Dean, away from his  _brother_  on the screen. "Get Dean to bed, Jo. I'm calling a Council meeting right the fuck now." He stormed away from the library, heading towards the war room.

"Get your ass here NOW, Gabriel," Sam prayed. "And I fucking mean now!"

The rustle of feathers announced the presence of the angel. "Ok, what did I do? What crawled up your ass and died, Sammy?"

Sam growled and punched the archangel in the face. "How long have you known? How long have you fucking known?"

"What are you talking about?" Gabe grimaced, rubbing his nose.

"Dean! How long have you been playing diner with him?"

"Aw shit."

"Aw shit is right. How long have you known?"

"Sam, look - it was for your own good."

"My own good?" Sam roared. "For the last ten years you've been watching me lose my mind trying to find him and you knew where he was all along! You goddamn son of a bitch! I thought you were on my side!"

"I am! That's why I didn't say anything!"

"Where is he? Baltimore?"

"Sam, you can't -"

"Don't you fucking tell me what I can't do! Don't you even presume to think you have any kind of control over my actions!"

"If you go up there, you'll ruin everything. I need you to trust me on this, ok? There's some very powerful warding around Dean and if you two come in contact all of that will shatter. There's a reason no one can find him! He has a good life up there. He's happy. I'm begging you to leave him be, ok?"

Sam turned back, stared at the archangel. "You've lied to me for the last time, Gabriel." He turned and headed back up the stairs. "Jo! Bobby! Pack your bags, we're going on a road trip," he yelled, ignoring Gabe's protests.

* * *

The trip took two days in the Impala, and despite Gabe's determination to thwart Sam's plans, they found the diner with ease. Sam parked in the bakery's parking lot next to the diner, hiding the Impala from view.

"This feels a little like an ambush," Jo said dryly.

"It's not." Sam sighed. "You go in first. Text me when you're sure he's there and Bobby and I will come in."

Bobby huffed. " _Now_  it feels like an ambush."

"Look, I don't want to just go in there and start something when Dean might not even be here. It might be his day off or something."

"Alright, I'm going," Jo complained, letting herself out of the car. She slammed the door, and Sam watched as she strode across the parking lot.

"You sure about this, Sam?" Bobby asked. "What if Gabe's warnings were right?"

"So what if they are? We can protect Dean better in the bunker."

"You sure 'bout that? I mean, twenty long years he's managed to stay gone. Gabe's warding is obviously working."

"I miss my brother," Sam said flatly.

"So this is about you?"

"No! Dammit, Bobby, you know what's at stake here! It's not about me, it's not about my brother, it's about - it's about -"

"I know," Bobby said softly. "I just hope we're doing the right thing here."

"Me, too."

Twenty minutes later, his phone buzzed.  _He's here._

The diner was hopping when he got inside, noisy chatter and oldies music bouncing through the space. A redhead caught his eyes, and she stared at him and Jo for a moment. There was a crash nearby, and Sam turned.

Dean stood there, a bus tray of shattered dishes at his feet, his eyes wide and more than a little terrified.

"Sammy?" he whispered, hands coming up to cover his mouth.

Sam couldn't help the grin that flitted across his face.

"Hey, Dean."

* * *

Cas brushed his hand down the leg wrapped around his waist, sliding down Dean's thigh to rest on his hip. "Are you sure?"

"Yes," Dean breathed, green eyes wide and sparkling in the candlelight. "I want this. I've wanted it for a long time."

"What if I hurt you?"

Dean gave him the sweetest smile. "You could never hurt me. You love me too much."

"But what if you have a panic attack and can't handle it?"

"Then we'll stop. Cas, please. I want this so much. Please."

"I don't know what to do."

"Yes, you do. Just like I do for you. Lube. One finger, then two, then three. I'll guide you."

"I don't know -"

"Please. It's been so amazing lately, and this is like the last thing standing in the way. I need to reclaim this part of myself. Please, baby," Dean pulled Cas down into a kiss. "Please fuck me," he whispered against his lips.

"Ok," Cas whispered back, overwhelmed, but Dean was pressing the bottle of lube into his hands.

"We'll go real slow, ok? I know you can do this. C'mon, c'mon."

"O-ok," Cas popped the top on the lube, his hands shaking. "I will - you'll let me know? Keep talking to me. Please."

"Of course."

"Dean, you have nothing to prove -"

"I know that. Believe me, I know that. But there was a time when I really got off on people playing with my ass. I enjoyed it. It felt good. I want that back, Cas. Please."

Cas nodded, letting some of the lube drip out onto his index and middle fingers and rubbing the two together to spread the substance. "Ok," he breathed, more to himself than to Dean. He slid his hand down between Dean's legs, slipping his lubed fingers into Dean's crack. "Oh, god, I'm going to mess this up."

Dean chuckled. "No, you won't. C'mon. I'm nice and relaxed from that massage you gave me. Get your fingers in there."

Nodding again, and now determined to do this right, Cas found Dean's entrance and pushed the very tip of his finger inside. "Am I hurting you?" he asked frantically, afraid to move his finger any further.

"No. No, it's good. C'mon, more, Cas. C'mon."

Heart pounding in his chest, Cas pushed his finger in a bit more. Dean squeezed his eyes shut, and Cas tensed, sure that he'd hurt him.

"No, c'mon, look at me. I'm relaxed, I'm comfortable. Keep going," Dean reached up and ran his hand down Cas's arm. "I'm ok. I like it."

"Alright."

Dean was tight around his finger, and Cas panicked a bit, trying to imagine how the hell he would fit anything bigger inside without hurting Dean. He pulled his finger back, and Dean made a low sound.

"Are you hurt? Did I hurt you?"

"No. No, it feels good. C'mon." His eyes opened, and Cas noted that Dean's pupils had dilated. He was turned on, and closer inspection revealed how hard he was. Dean _was_ enjoying this. Spurred on, he worked his finger in a slow rhythm, in and out, and Dean responded by rocking his hips. Adding a second finger, he leaned down to swallow the gasp Dean let out, moving further down his body and sucking him down.

Dean groaned, his hands digging into Cas's scalp. "Fuck, baby, I knew you'd be good at his," Dean breathed, "you're good at everything."

Cas hummed around Dean's cock, pulling off enough to lick the thick beads of precome from the tip. He looked up, catching Dean's eyes in the candlelight, smiling around the girth in his mouth as he carefully added a third finger. Groaning again, Dean's eyes rolled back as his head thudded onto the pillow.

"God, Cas, please, I'm ready, I'm ready," Dean gasped out.

"I'll decide when you're ready," Cas growled.

"Holy fuck that was hot."

Chuckling, Cas worked his fingers in a circle, opening and stretching Dean while he writhed in the sheets. Dean was loose, ready, and a beautiful flush painted his cheeks and chest. A thin sheen of sweat glittered on his forehead and upper lip. His eyes were dark, hooded, tracking every movement Cas made.

"You are so beautiful," Cas whispered in awe.

The blush on Dean's cheeks darkened. He sat up, pulling Cas into a deep kiss. "You're fucking beautiful," he murmured against Cas's lips. "You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, and you're mine. I don't know how the hell I got so lucky."

"I'm the lucky one. Do you know what it means to me, that you trust me with this? That you let me in at all? You are so wonderful. You could have had anyone, and you chose me."

"You were the only one I wanted," Dean said simply. Tears glittered on his lashes. "You make me feel whole, Cas. Like I'm not some broken piece of garbage. You make me feel like I'm worth something."

"Oh, my sweet Dean, you're worth everything." Cas reached out and cupped Dean's cheek with his clean hand, sliding his thumb across Dean's full bottom lip. He claimed another kiss. Then another.

Dean kissed back, both hands wrapping around Cas's neck to hold him close. "Fuck, Cas, c'mon, please. I need you. I need you so much, please."

"Ok. Ok, whatever you need. I'm here, I'm here."

Reaching for the lube bottle, Dean poured a glob into his hand, reaching down between them and smoothing it over Cas's dick. "You ready?" he asked.

"Yes. Do you want to - do you want to move onto your hands and knees? I read that it's easier like that, especially the first time, and I want you to be comfortable and -"

"No. No, I have to see you. Ok? I need to be able to see your face or - or -" Dean shuddered.

"Ok." He gently pushed Dean back into the sheets. Dean brought his legs up and wrapped them around Cas's waist. He cast that beautiful sweet smile again, just for Cas, his expression open and expectant, and oh, so trusting. "I love you," Cas whispered, reaching down to line them up.

"I love you, too."

He pushed in slowly, watching Dean's face for the slightest sign of discomfort or panic.

It never came. The only expression on Dean's face was pure, trusting love.

Emboldened, Cas withdrew, and thrust home again. "Am I hurting you?" he asked softly, before repeating the movement.

"No. No, you're not -  _ooh_  - not hurting me." Dean breath came faster, the legs wrapped around Cas's back gripped tighter.

He dropped his head to Dean's neck, kissing along the hinge of his jaw. Cas could feel Dean's pulse pounding beneath his lips.

"Cas, please, faster, harder, please, please," Dean begged.

Growling slightly, Cas picked up the pace, pulling almost all the way out and slamming back in. Dean's hands found Cas's shoulders, nails digging in.

"I was not - prepared - for how - you would feel," Cas panted. "So tight. So warm. It's - incredible. I'm not going to - not going to last."

"I know. Me neither. Touch me, Cas. Please."

Bracing on his right arm, Cas slid his left hand between them, finding Dean's cock and stroking roughly, probably too roughly, but Dean only moaned, his inner walls tightening exponentially around Cas's shaft.

"Are you close?" Cas growled.

Dean could only whine in answer, and then his hips jerked, his back arched off the bed, and he exploded all over Cas's hand and his own chest.

Falling back into the pillows again, Dean looked so sated, so blissed out, so  _replete_ , that was all it took to push Cas over the edge and he came hard, releasing deep inside his husband's body. Unable to hold himself up any longer, Cas collapsed across Dean's sweaty torso.

For a moment or two, they simply lay still, listening to the other breathe. Dean's hand combed through the sweat soaked locks on Cas's head, the other rubbing circles across his back.

"Are you ok?" Dean asked softly.

"Yes. Are you?"

"Better than ok."

Cas propped himself up on one arm. "Thank you for this gift."

"It's not - it's not that special," Dean blushed.

"Yes, it is." He laid his head back on Dean's chest. "It's very special. Just like you."

* * *

"Saturday afternoon, there's eighty thousand people in this place and both my bus boys called out?" Dean asked Gabe incredulously.

"I'm trying to get ahold of some of the other kids to see if they want to come in, but yeah, right now? We have no bus boys."

"Dammit."

Cas looked at the grill where Gabe was cooking, flipping patties and pancakes. "I can help bus," Cas offered.

"Babe, it's your day off from your real job. You don't have to -"

Silencing him with a kiss, Cas took the tray from his hands. "I want to," he smiled.

"Ok. C'mon, I'll help you make the first run to get some tables cleared. Gabe, you'll be alright for a bit?"

"Sure boss!"

"Awesome." Grabbing another tray he grinned at Cas. "C'mon, babe."

Charlie walked back into the kitchen. "Dean, you've got a cute little blonde admirer who wants to say hello."

"Busy, Charlie! I gotta get out there and help bus tables." He walked past her, laughing as he shoved himself butt-first out the door. "Bussing tables in my own restaurant, I tell you what," he yelled good naturedly. "C'mon, Cas, you said you'd help."

"I'm coming," Cas said, following Dean with his own tray. "Just like the old days," he grinned at Charlie, following Dean out to the dining room.

They were indeed busy, and the few tables without guests were loaded down with dishes. Dean walked ahead of him, collecting plates and bowls. Cas stopped at a table near the lunch counter, scooping up glasses.

An electric shock hit him and the glass in his hand spilled all over the table.

The room shook, spun, and the sound of shattering dishes came to him from very far away. Looking up, the first thing he saw was the six golden, glittering wings of Gabriel the Archangel standing near the kitchen door, and he stared in shock.

His brother had a sad expression on his face, almost ashamed as he stared back at Cas.

Turning his gaze back to the dining room, the glow of dozens of souls assaulted his vision, and in the middle of all of them stood the brightest one he'd ever seen. It was bright gold and deep emerald green, with veins of electric blue and royal purple dancing over the surface.

"Dean," he whispered, awestruck, just as Dean said "Sammy?"

Near the door stood another soul. It echoed the colors of Dean's bright soul, similar, but not the same. Obsidian curls rippled across the surface of this soul, but even with the differences - Cas knew who he was.

_Sam Winchester._

In a flash, as his grace rushed to fill the corners of his being once again, his mission came back to him.

Michael.

Raphael.

Jimmy Novak.

Reeling, he stumbled back slightly, even as Dean was pulled into the arms of his brother and tears were shed. Shaking, Cas struggled to keep his wildly fluctuating grace under control. In the twenty years he'd spent in this diner, he'd forgotten - just as his mission had dictated.

He'd forgotten he was an angel.

  
  



	11. Killing Dean Winchester

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is going on hiatus over the summer. I HAVE to finish my DCBB! This is my third attempt and I am determined this is my year!!  
> Anyway...

Dean stared, green eyes wide. Sam quietly took inventory of his brother. He looked good, healthy. And older. He'd grown into his features and no longer had that odd, too pretty thing he'd had at fifteen. Crow's feet were etched into the creases of his eyes. He looked lost and confused as he stared up at Sam.

"You got tall," Dean blurted, and a rush of affection filled Sam. He stepped forward and wrapped Dean in his arms.

His brother went rigid, minute tremors running through his muscles.

"Hey, it's ok. It's ok. I'm not going to hurt you."

"Sammy," Dean whispered. He buried his face in Sam's neck, breathing in deep. Sam felt the tears drip on his skin seconds after that, as Dean's arms came up, wrapping tight around his waist. "You're really here. You're really fucking here."

"Yeah, I am," Sam choked out, his own tears burning in his eyes. "I missed you so much. So much."

Dean chuckled against his chest. "I can't believe you're here. I just - I never thought I'd see you again." He pulled back slightly and looked up at Sam with wide eyes. "You're not - you didn't come to - to -"

"No. Dean - what happened? You had every right."  _And I'll tell you the truth later,_ Sam thought. _I'll tell you it wasn't Dad - when the civilians aren't around._

"Oh. Ok. Ok." He clung to Sam tightly for a moment or two more, releasing him slightly as Dean peeked around Sam's shoulder. "Bobby?"

The older man stepped forward, eyes suspiciously wet. "Hey, boy," he mumbled, before reaching out and pulling Dean into a hug. "Damn, son. You look good."

"You too, old man," Dean said, his voice breaking. "God, I missed you, too. I can't believe you guys are here." He backed away from Bobby slightly, and Sam smiled and Bobby clapped his hands on Dean's shoulders.

"Damn, you look good, boy," he said again. Bobby reached behind him and pulled Jo forward. "And you remember lil Jo Harvelle?"

"Yeah. Hey, Jo. You uh -"

Jo threw herself into Dean's arms. "We've been looking for you for so long," she murmured.

Someone nearby cleared their throat. The redhead from before had a hand on one hip. "Dean?"

"Oh," Dean blushed. "Uh, guys, this is Charlie. Charlie, this is my brother, Sam, and my um - my uncle? Bobby. And Jo."

Sam finally noticed the wedding band on Dean's hand. Charlie wore one as well. "Oh. Is this your wife, Dean?"

For some reason, this struck them both as hysterical, and Charlie and Dean both started laughing.

"No way, dude! Dean is so not my type!"

Dean grinned before turning to the back of the diner, where a dark haired man was standing, an empty glass gripped tightly in his hand. "Hey, Cas - c'mere."

The man, Cas, set the glass in a bus tray and made his way towards them, looking slightly disoriented as he stared at Sam. The weight of his stare was unnerving. Dean wrapped an arm around the guy as he came closer.

"So this is - this is my husband," Dean said softly. "Cas. We've been married like seven months. Cas, this is my brother. This is Sam," Dean told him with a note of pride in his voice.

_Husband_. Whoa. Well, that was unexpected. Sam felt a hot rush of guilt as Cas shook his hand, and he watched as Dean introduced Cas to Bobby and Jo. Then Charlie suggested they move the party to the back room, where they wouldn't be disturbed.

Sam caught eyes with Gabriel as Charlie led the way to the reception room. Barely controlled fury lit the archangel's golden eyes and Sam turned his gaze away in shame. He followed the rest of them, smiling at how Cas and Dean's hands were joined.

His brother married a man. He was surprised, but Sam couldn't help but be happy for Dean.

"So uh, Charlie's gonna grab some menus and call her wife to join us. You guys order whatever you want, it's on the house."

"I know what I want," Sam grinned. "I want that crabcake burger you made for Guy Fieri."

Dean blushed. "Ah. That's how you found me. Answers that question."

"Yeah. I dunno. Came across that episode purely by chance, and I just knew - I knew it was you." Sam felt a lump grow in his throat. "We thought you were dead. For so long -" his voice broke.

"I know. But I thought -"

"I know what you thought. And I can't blame you." He pulled Dean tight into his arms again. "It was self defense," he whispered in Dean's ear. "You have nothing to worry about. I'm not here to take you away from your life. I promise you that."

_Except that was a lie_ , Sam's conscience screamed at him. He ignored it and sat at a table.

A waitress named Rhonda came around to take orders, and Gabriel popped in often. At first, Sam was annoyed by the archangel's constant presence, but it didn't take long to realize he was considered family in this diner. A lovely woman named Cassie joined their party, and he, Jo, and Bobby were treated to adorable courtship and wedding stories from both couples.

Cas sat very close to Dean throughout the meal, and he wondered if either one of them realized how much they touched the other. Little brushes across the tops of fingers, shoulders bumping together, private smiles shared back and forth - they were completely in tune with each other - although, there were times when Sam caught Cas staring intently at him. And there were times when Cas seemed incredibly distracted.

Cassie and Charlie eventually excused themselves, leaving just Cas and Dean with their visitors. Sam appreciated the tact the two women seemed to possess. As the meal drew to a close, Sam finally felt brave enough to ask questions.

"So uh - why Baltimore?"

Dean paled, stared down at his plate. Cas rubbed his shoulder encouragingly.

"I um. I just kinda ended up here? I ran. I was uh, riding with this trucker. He wasn't a good guy. He stopped at a truck stop off I-95 and I ran. Ended up here. Benny - guy who used to own the place - he and his wife Andrea, I guess they felt sorry for me. Took me in. Gave me a home and a job. Been here ever since."

"He sounds like good people. I'd like to meet this Benny feller," Bobby said.

A pained smile crossed Dean's face. "He's gone. Him and Andrea both. Car accident. Cas and me, we'd been married a whole three weeks when that happened. I uh - I'm not - I still miss them so much," Dean said softly.

"Wow. I'm so sorry," Jo reached across the table and patted his hand.

"Thanks," Dean murmured.

Silence fell over the dining room. Cas rubbed Dean's shoulder as Dean leaned into his touch. The look they exchanged was so full of love it took Sam's breath away.

"Jo, I think you and I oughta take the Impala and find somewhere to stay for the night, alright? We'll come getcha when yer ready, Sam."

"The Impala's here?" Dean's eyes lit up.

"Yeah. I've been taking care of her. Always hoped to return her to you one day." Sam couldn't help but smile at the look of wonder in Dean's eyes.

He grabbed Cas's hand. "C'mon, babe. You gotta see this."

* * *

Everything was so loud and so bright and so overwhelming. He probed the corners of his vessel, but Jimmy Novak, the young man from Pontiac, Michigan who'd owned it seemed to be gone. Cas wondered how the vessel had aged without him - although one might assume it was because his grace had been in virtual hibernation.

Dean's soul was a riot, a rainbow of colors flashing in joy and love as he stared at his brother, at the car - it was almost more than Cas could take.

And through it all, he could hear a voice, an insistent echo urging him to return to Heaven immediately. He ignored it, choosing instead to focus on Dean, and at least trying to play the part of the human husband he'd been less than two hours before.

Dean was happy. Cautiously happy, but happy none the less. He chattered incessantly about anything Sam asked him, recounting everything that had happened to him since leaving Arizona twenty years prior, all while happily running his hands over every surface of the big black car. He then showed off his own pride and joy - the Nova, in the gorgeous mint condition he'd restored her too. Bobby showed a lot of interest in the car, and Dean gladly answered any questions he had about the restoration.

Jo and Bobby did take the car to find a motel, loaded with several recommendations that Charlie had given them earlier, even though Dean insisted they could stay at the house.

"Hey, you ok?" Dean asked softly, while Sam waved Jo and Bobby off.

"Yes. I am - a little overwhelmed."

"Yeah, me too," Dean chuckled. "But I got my brother back. After all these years," he turned to look at Cas, green eyes bright and twinkling in the summer sun. "I got Sammy back."

"I know. And I am so very happy for you."

_But what about us?_ Cas wanted to ask.  _Why did his showing up here make me regain my grace? I have so many unanswered questions,_ Cas thought.

"So how 'bout we head back in? There's more stuff I wanna know, and man, I make the best pie in the world."

"Sounds good to me!" Sam grinned. "Lead on."

Cas watched them walk back into the building, Dean's arm easily slung over Sam's shoulder. Sam's soul was beautiful, much like his brother's - but those ebony streaks and flickers of blood red worried him. Cas was an angel. He wasn't supposed to feel anything at all - but when he looked at Dean, waves of love and protectiveness threatened to overwhelm him. When he looked at Sam, he felt distrust, and something like jealousy.

"Hey," Dean turned back, a brilliant grin on his face. "You coming?"

"Yes, of course," Cas said, following him up the stairs.

* * *

Cas joined Dean by the dessert case. He held plates for Dean to deposit generous slices of lemon meringue pie onto.

"Are you sure you're ok?"

"I told you. I'm just overwhelmed. Go, enjoy your pie. I'll join you in a moment."

"Ok. Can you bring some coffee out with you?"

"Of course."

Dean leaned in and kissed him, sweet and soft. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

Cas watched as Dean gathered the plates and vanished back into the reception room. He turned and headed straight for the kitchen.

"How long have you known?!" he demanded of Gabriel.

Gabe sighed, flipping the patties on the grill. He snapped his fingers, and everything around them froze.

"What did you do?"

"Froze time for a second."

"You're supposed to be dead."

"Yup. Michael and I did that. Sort of holy witness protection program." Gabe frowned. "Look, bucko, this is the last thing I wanted. I did everything I could to steer Sam down a different path, to keep them seperated -"

"You know Sam?"

"Yeah. Cas, there's a hella lot of stuff going on here. Do you remember your original mission?"

"Of course. Protect Dean Winchester at all costs. Michael asked me to assimilate into life at the diner. I did that."

"Yeah, you did. But you weren't supposed to fall in love. None of this was supposed to happen. God, I'm sorry, Cas. I'm so sorry."

"Michael -"

"Michael's dead," Gabe said flatly.

"What? How?" Cas reeled.

"Another angel. One who doesn't believe in the cause I've signed myself up for. There's a bunch of us - and we're fighting for one thing."

"And that is?"

"In a nutshell? The Winchesters."

"Why?"

"Because protecting them translates to protecting the world. Stick with Dean. Ok? Stay with him, love him, and don't for a minute tell me you don't. I know you do. There's a reason Michael chose you for Dean."

"And who was chosen for Sam?"

"Guess."

Cas huffed a sigh. "You."

"Me."

"Then why have you spent the last twenty years in this diner?"

"Because Sam Winchester doesn't want me around."

"That doesn't make any sense -"

"I know. Look, go back out there. Act normal. Take Dean home and protect him. You should be able to see the sigils I put on the car and the house. Take care to keep them intact. We'll talk more in the morning."

"I should return to Heav-"

"No! No, don't you dare. It's chaos up there. Stay here. Stay with Dean. Alright?"

Cas looked at his brother, taking in the frantic appearance of his eyes. "Alright," he acquiesced. "Gabriel - Michael was here. Years ago. Told me he was on a date."

"Yeah, I remember. He was actually here for me. Came to ream me about not doing my job with Sam." Gabe ran a hand over his face. "Go, Cas. Stay with Dean." He snapped again, and the sounds of the diner came back into focus.

"Gabe -"

"Later."

Rhonda pushed into the kitchen to pick up the burgers Gabe was plating, and Cas made himself scarce. He quietly pushed through the kitchen door into the reception room. Sam and Dean didn't notice his presence.

"...and Bobby picked me up. I actually had a pretty normal life after that. Graduated high school, went to Stanford, got a law degree. But even through all of that, I just wanted to see you again."

Dean stared down at his plate. "I killed Dad."

"But it's not that simpl-"

"It is. I killed him. He deserved it, and I'd do it again, but I shouldn't have run. I should have stayed with you."

"The hospital you ran to said you were out of your mind with pain. They were really scared when you ran from them, too."

Dean bit his bottom lip. "I bet you hated me."

"No," Sam said firmly. "Never. I worried sick about you. I searched for you for years. But I never hated you. Not for one minute."

"Sammy -" Dean looked up and caught Cas's eyes. "Hey. Did you get the coffee?"

"Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot."

"No worries," Dean smiled.

"Yeah, I called Bobby anyway. I'm tired from the trip and all."

"But you're all coming to my place for dinner tomorrow night, right?"

"Wouldn't miss it," Sam said warmly.

* * *

They saw Sam and the others off. Dean drove them home as the sky above lit up with a ferocious summer thunderstorm. Lightning flickered across the sky, sonorous booms of thunder following immediately. The storm was close and angry - it struck Cas as incredibly ominous.

"Are you sure you're ok?" Dean asked over dinner.

"I'm fine," Cas reassured him.

They spent the rest of the evening curled on the couch reading books as the storm raged on. When the power went out, Dean lit several candles before returning to his book. The flickering light highlighted the curves and angles of his face.

He shouldn't feel this. He shouldn't feel such intense love for this human. Beautiful as Dean was, he was just a man.

As though Dean could feel Cas thinking about him, he looked up, green eyes dark in the candlelight. "What is it?" he asked softly.

_A thousand things_ , Cas wanted to say,  _a million. I've seen so much - but it all begins and ends with you. How can that be?_  Instead, he simply said, "I want to take you to bed."

Dean smiled sweetly. "Ok."

They blew out the candles together, saving a lit one to take downstairs. Dean held the candle in one hand, took Cas's hand with the other, leading him through the house and down to their room.

Lightning created a strobe effect as Dean set the flickering candle on the nightstand. He turned back to Cas, who pulled him close and claimed his lips.

Sliding his hands around Dean's back, he pushed and pulled at the hem of his tee, tugging it up and over Dean's head. "You are so beautiful," he murmured as he opened Dean's jeans. "So perfect." Reaching down, he hooked his hands behind Dean's knees and lifted, depositing him on the bed.

"Cas -" Dean whispered.

"Ssh," he quieted him, leaning down for a kiss. "Just let me." Cas pulled Dean's pants away, tossing them to the side. His underwear went next.

Cas stripped his own clothes while Dean watched with hooded eyes, crawling into the bed when he was done. He pressed them together, lining them up, making sure as much of their bodies were touching as possible.

"You are lovely," he told Dean, staring into his eyes. "And I - I love you - so much," he breathed, overcome.

"Cas, are you sure - are you sure you're ok?"

Pain, emotional pain no angel should ever be able to feel - "Yes, Dean. I'm fine." He kissed him then, rolling Dean gently onto his back and blanketing his body with his own. The grace inside him sang at the sheer wonder of contact.

It was though his grace and this perfect, precious human soul were meant to be together. And Cas simply didn't know what to make of that.

"Tell me what you want," he said in between kisses.

"Same as last night. I want that again. Please," Dean said against his lips, hips already rocking and breath coming in small pants. "Fuck me, Cas. I wanna feel you. Please."

"Anything, anything," he murmured, hand reaching blindly for lube.

The bottle was empty. He used his grace to refill it.

Cas prepped Dean, slowly, patiently, until Dean was begging and writhing beneath him. The surge in his grace was stunning, as he lifted Dean's legs and wrapped them around his waist, sliding inside where it was warm and wet and tight.

Dean moaned, head falling back on the pillow as his back arched up towards Cas. Fingernails dug into his shoulders as he picked up speed, pushing himself and Dean closer to the edge.

Grace rippled through the room and made the lights flicker. Cas fought to bring it under control, even as his release drew closer.

"Harder, Cas, harder. Won't break. I won't break. Please. Please," Dean babbled.

Cas leaned into kiss him, mimicking the thrusts of his hips with the thrusts of his tongue into Dean's mouth. Dimly, he thought he should touch Dean, but he liked his hands where they were; pinning Dean's wrists to the bed.

He sent a thin shard of his grace into Dean's body, causing Dean to orgasm so hard, he felt him drift away for a moment. Cas's own orgasm followed, and it took everything he had to hold his grace back, but even then, the lights flickered, hard, and all the bulbs in their room shattered.

"Jesus, hell of a power surge," Dean said blearily, still not quite with it. "That was - that was amazing. Cas," he pulled the angel down to lay across his chest. "You're amazing."

"No, my wonderful, beautiful husband. You're amazing. Everything you've been through - all the hurts you've been dealt - and you are still so loving and kind. I am so blessed to have you."

"I feel the same. I don't know what I'd do without you."

They lay in silence for a bit until Cas pulled out. Dean groaned slightly. Propping himself up on one arm, Cas stared down at Dean - at the human he loved, against everything he'd ever known as an angel.

"Dean. I want you to know - I hope you do know - that I would never willingly leave you. You do know that, don't you?"

Confusion with a hint of apprehension danced across Dean's face. "Are you - are you sure you're ok? Wait, this isn't about Sam, is it? Because I'm glad to have him back, but you are still number one in my life and -"

"Ssh," Cas murmured, cupping Dean's cheek. "Sleep, my love," he soothed, sending a little more grace out into Dean's body to send him into a deep slumber. Dean's long lashes fluttered, lids drifting shut. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Cas kissed Dean's forehead, cleaning his skin with his grace. He settled Dean comfortably in the bed, tugging the blankets over him as he stood.

With a thought, he was dressed in a black suit, white shirt, blue tie, and his old trench coat. The suit was to make a good impression. The trench was for comfort.

"I love you," he whispered into the room. Cas blew out the candle. He ran his hand through Dean's hair one last time. "I will come back to you. I swear it."

Cas stepped back from the bed, concentrated, and found himself in the Garden.

"Castiel," a voice said behind him.

He turned to see Zachariah standing there. "Zachariah," he acknowledged with a smile.

"You've returned."

"Yes. I assume in the event of Michael's death, Raphael has taken his position as head of the Host?"

"You've assumed correctly. Tell me, where have you been, Castiel?"

"On a mission."

"What mission?"

"It was between Michael and I. I'll speak to no one but Raphael."

Zachariah smiled and nodded.

Searing pain lit Cas up from the inside and he fell to his knees.

Another angel stepped out from behind Zachariah, and fear rushed through Castiel's grace.

"Naomi -" he gasped.

She smiled unpleasantly.

"Welcome home, Castiel."

* * *

Charlie brought Dean another cup of tea.

"And then what?" Vic asked him gently.

"I woke up and he was gone. No note. Nothing. His cellphone was sitting on the nightstand, his car was in the driveway - he's just gone." Dean buried his face in his hands. "I don't know what happened."

"This isn't like him at all," Charlie added, pouring another cup of coffee for Victor. "Cas isn't the type to just up and go like that."

"That much I know," Vic told them. "Which is why I'm opening a missing persons case now. Normally, we wait twenty-four hours. But Cas is my friend. All of you here - this place has always felt like coming home somehow. So I'm going to start this now. Dean," Vic said, reaching across the table to pat Dean's arm, "I'm going to do everything I can to find him, ok?"

"Ok," Dean said softly.

Charlie walked Vic to the door and then returned to the reception room. Dean was staring blankly into his tea, as if looking for answers in the bottom of his cup.

"Dean -"

"Close the restaurant," he said softly. "Shut everything down. Tell the servers to finish with the customers they have. Put some shit about a family emergency on the door and close it down."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Alright."

Charlie walked back up to the front, concern for her friends making her nauseous. She told the servers to finish their customers, locked the doors, and told the hostess to only let people out. She let Jose in the kitchen know. She made a sign for the front door. And the whole time, she worried. She worried about Dean, and she worried about Cas.

Once everyone had left, she returned to Dean in the reception room.

"How long are we going to stay closed?"

"Charlie - I need you to sit down, ok?"

"Alright." She dropped into the booth across from him. "What's wrong? I mean, beside the obvious?"

Dean took a deep breath. "I need you to go home, pack some stuff, and go away. Take Cassie. Just go somewhere. Anywhere."

"Dean -"

"It's not a coincidence that Cas disappeared the day after my brother showed up."

The blood drained from Charlie's face. "Wait - you think - you think  _Sam_  -"

"No. Not Sam. But twenty long years and nothing -" he trailed off, staring out the window. "Charlie, there are people, _things_  in this world - I need you to be safe. I need you to go."

"I've known you a long time. I know that you wouldn't say this without reason, but Dean, it doesn't make any sense."

He turned back her way, eyes dead and lifeless. "Please just trust me. Get Cassie. Take a vacation. You've earned it, y'know?"

"Dean -"

"Please."

It was that last broken  _please_  that did it.

"Ok," Charlie whispered.

He nodded. "Lock the door on your way out." Dean bit his bottom lip. "Charlie, no matter what happens, I want you to know that you're my family in every way that counts and I love you more than I have the ability to put into words." Dean stood and pulled her into a hug. "But I need you safe. And that means sending you as far away from me as possible. And it means you need to trust me. Can you do that for me? Trust me?"

She shook in his arms. "I - I -"

Dean cupped her chin and tilted her head up to make eye contact. She didn't like what she saw in his eyes.

"Ok," she whispered.

"Good. Go now." He kissed her forehead and gave her one last tight squeeze, and she was on her way home to Cassie before she fully realized what had just happened.

"Cassie? I'm home. Where are you?" She dropped her bag inside the door and walked towards the kitchen. "Something is going on with Dean, and Cas disappeared and Dean wants us to go on vacation but we have to help him."

Cassie was standing by the sink, her back turned to Charlie.

"Will you come with me? I'm thinking your journalism skills might be needed to crack the case."

Cassie didn't answer.

"Cassie? You ok?"

Her wife turned slowly from the sink, staring down at the floor. "I'm fine," she whispered. She slowly lifted her head and grinned.

Charlie stumbled backwards.

Cassie's eyes were black.

"Oh my god," Charlie whispered.

"Welcome home, honey," Cassie smirked.

The last thing Charlie heard was the sound of her own screams.

* * *

Twenty long years he'd looked. Twenty long years. Although, time was relative after all. He materialized outside the diner, not surprised to find the doors locked. Still, he could feel his quarry inside, could feel the rejection and hopelessness rolling out of the diner in heat waves across the asphalt.

Oh, but he was going to taste so sweet.

The dentist he was currently inhabiting screamed and fought, and patient as Alastair was, even his patience had a limit. He gave his vessel a massive heart attack and smiled to himself as he felt the man's soul depart the earthly plane.

On to more interesting matters.

Materializing inside the diner, he checked his surroundings. He and the boy did appear to be alone, although there was the lingering sickly sweet stench of not one, but two celestials.

"How very odd," he mused.

"Is someone here?" a voice called. Footsteps from around the corner revealed his prey. "Oh, I'm sorry, but we're - we're closed. I was sure I told Charlie to lock that door," the boy said, scratching at his hair.

"My, but you are lovely. I understand Azazel's fascination."

"I'm sorry?" Green eyes blinked at him, confusion on his boy's face.

"All those pretty freckles and such green eyes. I bet Azazel had a good time with you, didn't he? Although, playing with you and killing John Winchester did throw our whole time line off. Then your brother had to go and kill Azazel. No worries, we'll just get it done another way, won't we Dean-o?"

All the blood drained from the boy's face, terror and fear lighting up those beautiful eyes.

He turned and ran.

"Oh, you want to me to give chase? How fun." Alastair sent a wave of his power through the diner and every piece of glass shattered violently. He walked around the corner to find Dean crawling towards a room in the back. He sent another wave of power through the diner, and Dean's body slammed against the wooden partition of the reception room, face and hands already bloodied by the broken glass around him.

"Can't run from me, boy," Alastair purred. "No, my dear. We're going to have a lovely time together. I've been waiting for you for so long."

Dean rolled onto his hands and knees, tried to get to his feet, but Alastair pinned the boy to the floor with his telekinesis.

"I admit, it's quite charming that you're trying to fight me."

"What do you want?" Dean gasped.

"You, my love. In hell. With me."

"Wha-what?"

"See, I told you," Alastair knelt beside him, flipping Dean onto his back. "Azazel and his fetishes. He ruined our perfectly timed plans. Sammy was supposed to die. You were supposed to sell your soul to bring Sam back. But Azazel - he killed your Daddy and took his meatsuit for a ride, didn't he? Three days was it? Three days Azazel kept you as his own personal plaything?"

Dean's eyes widened.

"Oh, my sweet boy. All this time you thought it was dear old Daddy that did that to you? Your father was garbage, yes, but he wasn't that kind of man." Alastair tossed a knee over Dean's waist, straddling his boy. "It's time for you to come home, son."

He wrapped both hands around Dean's neck and tightened his grip.

Green eyes went comically wide, and fingernails dug into Alastair's borrowed wrists as Dean bucked and writhed, desperately trying to fight him off.

"It's no use. I'm stronger than you."

Those beautiful pink lips were turning blue, then purple, as the boy's grip began to loosen. Alastair could see the first pretty strands of golden yellow soul drifting from the boy's lips. "That's right," he purred. "Let go. It'll be just fine. I'll take such lovely care of you."

Green eyes lost their focus, and under his hands, Alastair felt the last flutters of his pulse. The boy's eyes rolled back into his skull as his hands slipped from Alastair's wrists. Seconds later it was over.

Dean Winchester was dead.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't put an MCD on this because he's not dead...not really. HEHEEHE


	12. Shattered

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I lied. 
> 
> (I felt bad about that last cliffhanger. I don't know when the next chapter will be up. I love you. Don't kill me.)

"Get your filthy hands off my brother."

Alastair smiled, even with the cold steel of an angel blade pressed under his chin. His eyes followed the hand holding the sword up to angry hazel eyes. "You're too late, Samuel. He's already gone."

"The hell he is," another voice countered.

Alastair looked up, surprised. "Why Gabriel. It seems the rumors of your death were greatly exaggerated."

Strong celestial hands landed on him, pulling him to his feet and away from his hard won prize. He watched jealously as Gabriel knelt beside the boy.

"Can you bring him back?" Sam asked, his voice wavering.

Gabriel touched the boy's forehead. He shivered violently, a pink flush rushing in to replace his blue tinged complexion. Wide green eyes blinked wide and terrified. The angel touched the boy again, and his body went limp, eyes fluttering shut.

"What did you do?" Sam asked.

"He was on the verge of a full blown freak out, not that I can blame him, so I knocked him back out. He'll sleep long enough to get him home."

"Alright."

"Well, this has been charming and all," Alastair tipped his head back to smoke out, but a hand clamped over his mouth.

"I don't think so," Inias growled in his ear, angel blade resting just below Alastair's borrowed ear. "I've been trying to get my hands on you for months. We've got a lot of questions for the High Inquisitor of Hell."

"And here I've been avoiding you so well, Inias. Darn. Guess my luck's run out, hasn't it?" He could feel  _her_ , inching ever closer, with more in support. "Two celestials and one rather obnoxious Winchester. Oh dear. I do fear I am greatly outnumbered."

"Stuff it, Alastair. I can feel them, too. Time to go, Sam." Gabriel reached down and lifted Dean into his arms as though the boy weighed nothing. "Keep your hands off Dean Winchester. And be damn grateful you have so many reinforcements coming and I need to get the Winchesters to safety - or this conversation would end a lot differently."

A flutter of golden wings and the Archangel was gone.

"Indeed. Be grateful, Alastair, or you and I would be taking this somewhere far more private for a nice, long,  _talk_." Another set of wings fluttered and Inias and Sam left the diner, leaving Alastair standing alone in the shattered remains of Dean's livelihood.

Cursing in a language long dead, Alastair sent his power rippling through the diner, ripping benches and tables from their mounts and sending them flying. He exploded the jukebox, the dessert case, anything that sat still long enough to find itself the victim of his wrath.

He walked back towards the front of the diner, glass crunching under his feet.

"I'm going to assume you've misplaced your pretty present?"

Turning, he caught sight of a beautiful little blonde in a pink ruffled party dress. She appeared to be no older than eight or nine.

"Lilith. The angels - they are a menace. An absolute menace."

"That much I know. Still - I thought they'd be no trouble for someone of your, hmm, stature?" She giggled. "But I guess I was wrong." Jumping up and down in place, Lilith clapped her hands together. "No matter! Finding him again will just be a fun little game! The wards are broken now, and broken completely. It'll be harder to hide him than it was before, with Michael dead."

"Don't be so sure. There's another Archangel in play. One I was not expecting."

"Oh? Who?" Lilith screwed up her borrowed little-girl face. "There's only four - one in the Cage, one in Heaven, and Michael and Gabriel in the grave."

"No. No m'dear, it appears Gabriel is not as dead as we might have hoped. And he appears to have joined Sam Winchester's oh, so noble cause."

"Oh dear. He could be a problem."

A lovely girl materialized in the diner. "The redhead is neutralized."

"Ah, Meg. Lovely of you to join us."

"Thanks," Meg grinned. "But that was my old meatsuit's name," she pirouetted in the body of a beautiful black woman. "This one was called Cassie.  _Is_ called Cassie. And damn can she scream." She frowned, tugging on a thick piece of dark curly hair. "She gave me Winchester's address, but that house is beyond warded."

"Imagine that," Alastair sneered.

"So I've called up reinforcements for nothing? Because I'm thinking we should attack the house until the wards fail." Lilith spun in a circle, singing to herself. " _Break 'em, break 'em, make 'em all fall down_ ," she sang. Her little face turned oddly hard and angry. "We hit them with everything. Pluck our little Righteous Man from his safe little nest and spirit him away."

The building began to vibrate with the influx of hundreds of demons, swirling around the diner in a noxious, sulphur laden black cloud.

"This will work, right Alastair? I mean, last I heard, Dean Winchester was supposed to sell his soul, not just get randomly dragged off to Hell."

"Respect your betters, Megan," Alastair purred, flexing his fingers. "The prophecy only states that the Righteous Man needs to shed blood in Hell. It doesn't say how he has to get there - as long as he a sweet, innocent boy, I'm sure it'll do the trick. His hands have shed no blood that didn't deserve to be shed. His innocence remains intact, his soul perfect and untainted."

"Still, seems like a hell of a ris-"

Alastair raised his hand, silencing Meg with a modicum of power. Her hands wrapped around her own neck as she gasped and stumbled backwards.

"Respect. Your. Betters," he growled again. "And remember who your Master is."

Lilith looked from Alastair to Meg and back again, eyes childishly wide, but he could see the absolute delight in them.

"I'm sorry," Meg capitulated.

Stepping forward, Alastair cupped her chin and swept his hand through her hair. "No harm done, my sweet." He turned back to Lilith. "I suggest we strike while the iron is hot."

"Absolutely!" she crowed, clapping her little hands together. She took Alastair's hand and squeezed, beaming up at him. "Come, let's go get your new pet."

He smiled back, and they left the diner together.

* * *

Pain.

Agony.

How could it even -

How long could they expect -

All he knew was pain.

Castiel tried to curl into a ball, tried to protect his being from Naomi's assault. He thrashed in the chair he was strapped to and screamed again, amazed that he still had it in him to scream at all. He'd known nothing but pain since returning to Heaven. They wanted answers and they wanted them now.

But Castiel would gladly die before he gave them Dean.

Exhausted, he was barely conscious when they dragged him to his cell, collapsing in a heap on the floor. He could hear voices around him, his brothers and sisters inquiring if he was alright, but he wasn't capable of answering them. Drifting in a fog of debilitating pain, he could feel soft brushes of grace against his own, many hands trying their best to heal him. Their touches were comforting, and he let himself fall into the darkness.

Some time later, he awoke to whispers, voices in the other cells.

"Castiel - are you awake?"

He smiled at the voice, one he absolutely recognized. "Hannah."

"Oh. You  _are_  awake. How are you feeling? We tried to help as much as possible."

"And you did. I'm still - I'm not completely well. But it is tolerable." He stretched, testing the limits of his being, not surprised that he was still fairly immobile. "Who else is here? And why are you here? What is happening? I don't understand."

Hannah laughed softly. "One question at a time, Castiel." He could hear shuffling in the cell next to his, and when Hannah spoke again, her voice was closer. "I'm here because I dared to question Raphael's methods," she murmured, a note of bitterness in her tone.

Dragging himself painfully across the floor, Castiel settled against the wall. "Who else is in here with us?"

"Azrael - for disobeying Naomi's orders. Ion, for being caught colluding with Inias. Inias just barely got away. Abner, for creating a grace bond with another angel."

"Abner?" Cas startled. "Then is -"

"Gadreel here?" Another voice asked. "Yes. Yes, brother, I am here, too." He chuckled bitterly. "I'm assuming you know my crimes."

"Gadreel -"

"No, Hannah. Let Castiel speak his piece. After all, he was one of the Seraphs that wanted me sent to Hell with Lucifer, remember?"

"He doesn't know, Gadreel!"

"Know what?" Castiel asked angrily. "I know what Gadreel did. Everyone knows what he did. We wouldn't be here now if -"

"You have no idea. You have no understanding of what Lucifer put me through. What he put Abner through -"

"Gadreel -" Abner's voice was soft, tired.

"No. No, I will not be silent. Perhaps it is a foreign concept to you, Castiel, what it feels like to love another - to experience Eros in all it's glory - but it is no foreign concept to me. It is my reality, and -"

"I know what it's like," Castiel said quietly, mournfully. "I'm very aware. I didn't know any of this, Gadreel. Why didn't you tell us at your trial?"

"I sought to protect Abner. He'd been through enough. Lucifer -" Castiel could hear the shudder in Gadreel's voice, "Abner has been through enough."

Silence fell over the cells, each angel lost in their own thoughts.

"I thought Azrael and Ion were here?" Castiel asked.

"Naomi took them some time ago," Hannah told him. "Something is happening. There's an urgency - our guards are less patient than normal. It seems to coincide with your arrival."

"I should have never come. I should have stayed with Dea-" Castiel shook his head. "I should have stayed on Earth. I was needed. I had a mission. I thought to check in - I would have never imagined this, any of this. What is happening?"

"Father is gone," Hannah said simply. "And with Father gone, Michael gone,  _Gabriel_ gone - Raphael's authority - and ego - goes unchecked. He thinks himself the new God."

"Blasphemy," Castiel hissed. "There is only one God. And Raphael is not Him."

"Quiet in there!" a voice called from nearby.

The others shuffled in their cells.

"Be careful what you say, what you think," Abner advised, voice low. "Give them nothing to use against you - or the one you seek to protect. They know too much about him already."

"I said be quiet!" the unseen voice yelled. "Or you'll be sorry!"

An uneasy silence settled over the cells. Castiel inched his way back over to the floor where he'd woken, easing his tired body onto the ledge above it.

It was nearly impossible to push thoughts of Dean from his mind, but he was determined to protect him. He allowed himself one last image of his beloved's face before dismissing all thoughts of Dean entirely.

Time passed slowly, laying on the ledge in his cell. He was worried about Dean, and despite his best efforts to keep him out of his thoughts, his husband's beautiful face kept swimming into the foreground of his mind. By now, Dean would have awoken to find him gone, and he was probably sick with worry over Castiel - or feeling utterly betrayed, if the knowledge that Castiel was an angel had reached him.

Sighing, he rolled on the hard stone ledge, facing away from the cell door, his thoughts in turmoil. Exhaustion won out, and Cas drifted off into an uneasy slumber.

A seemingly short time later, noises outside his own cell woke him, and he could hear Ion and Azrael arguing loudly with the guards as they were forced back into their cells. Castiel decided to feign sleep, hoping the guards would seek no quarrel with him. The exhaustion caused by the beating he'd received earlier was pervasive, and he just wanted to slip back into unconsciousness and dream of Dean.

The sound of his cell door opening dashed that hope.

"Castiel," Naomi's voice grated his nerves. "Up. I've more questions for you. Come along." Her tone was brusque, all business.

"Go to hell," Cas growled.

Hands grabbed his shoulders, pulling him roughly to his feet to face Naomi. Remembering his last session with her and her chair, a thin trickle of fear curled through his grace.

"Now, Castiel. That attitude will not help your situation." She nodded to the two angels on either side of him, and they dragged him out of the cell.

"Be strong, Castiel," Abner whispered as he was pulled past his cell.

Castiel absorbed Abner's words and the comforting brushes of grace the others gave him as he walked past, and he raised his chin, walking tall despite his fear.

He would be strong, unbreakable. Not for himself, not for the sake of his own skin.

He would be strong - for Dean.

* * *

Gabriel gently lowered Dean onto his bed and sighed. "This is not good," he muttered to himself. Dean whined slightly, eyes rolling behind closed lids as he tried to wake. "Sleep a little longer, kiddo," Gabe murmured, brushing his fingers over Dean's brow.

Dean's body relaxed beneath his hand, and he melted back into the pillows piled on his and Cas's bed. Gabriel's eyes swept across the room, looking for anything out of place. A picture on the wall over the TV caught his eye. It was of Dean and Cas, taken the day they got married. The two of them stood on the steps of the Towson Courthouse, kissing, marriage certificate held by a hand on each corner.

He'd taken that picture.

Guilt rolled through his grace. He'd lived the lie for so long. Twenty years he'd let them believe - and now, in the course of one afternoon, Dean's whole life had been burned down around him. He didn't know if his friend would ever come back from this. Maybe it would be too much. And Castiel? Why the hell had the angel returned to Heaven after Gabriel specifically told him not to?

"This is a nice house," Sam said softly, walking quietly down the stairs.

Anger replaced the guilt. "Couldn't let it be, could you? And now look what you've done. You've taken everything from him."

Sam blanched. "You can't tell him, Gabe," he pleaded.

"And why shouldn't I? Why shouldn't he know who willingly destroyed the life he built here?"

"I have to keep him safe -"

"He _was_  safe! He'd been safe for twenty fucking years! Not a hint of demons or anything until his baby brother showed up!"

Sam stood awkwardly at the bottom of the stairs, wringing his hands and watching as Gabriel took a duffle bag from Dean's closest and starting shoving clothes inside. "What're you doing?"

"What's it look like I'm doing? I'm packing. We can't stay here. Alastair's got his scent and I could  _feel_  Lilith - we need to get him the hell out of Baltimore!"

"Ok. Ok. I um, I'll let Bobby and Jo know."

"Where are they now?"

"On their way here."

"Sam." Gabe sighed. "We're not going to be able to drive back. Inias and I are going to have to airlift you straight to the bunker. I don't think you realize how many demons are here right now. The wards on this house are the strongest I've ever made, but they won't hold forever against an assault of hundreds of demons."

"Hundreds?" Sam asked, voice wavering.

"Hundreds."

"Shit. Fuck. Shit!"

"My thoughts exactly." Gabe finished shoving clothes in the bag and turned to other things he thought Dean might want - their wedding album, pictures of Charlie, Benny, and other members of the diner family - he shoved these keepsakes into the bag as well. "Get moving, Sam! We have to get out of here! Take this upstairs -" he shoved the bag at Sam. "I'll get Dean and be up in a minute." Sam stared blankly at him. "Go!"

"Alright!" Sam turned and went back up the stairs.

Gabe turned back to Dean, frowning at the unhappy expression on his face. Even in sleep, he looked troubled and afraid. "Damn, kid -" A crash from upstairs and Sam's raised voice had Gabe rolling his eyes. "No way they got in that fast."

Upstairs, Sam was comforting someone, arms wrapped tightly around them. "It's ok. Everything's going to be ok."

"B-b-black eyes!"

"Charlie?"

Charlie poked her head out from behind Sam, eyes widening when she saw Gabe. "Gabe!" She wrenched herself from Sam's arms and threw herself into Gabe's. "Gabe, Gabe, I don't know what's going on and I'm so scared and Cassie has black eyes and I don't -"

"Black eyes?" Gabe interrupted sharply.

"Y-yeah. The whole eye. Even the white parts. And then she - she -"

Gabe tilted Charlie's chin up. Her sweet face was mottled in purple bruises, slowly congealing blood dripping under her nose and from her mouth, and the horror in her eyes -

"Oh, kiddo. I am so sorry." He cupped her chin in his hand, healing her instantly.

Charlie's eyes widened, as she stared at Gabe in awe. "Wha-what -"

"It's ok. I won't hurt you. I'm one of the good guys."

"Oh - oh - oh god. Oh god. This is what - this is what Dean was talking about - the people,  _things_  - oh god." Charlie wavered, and Sam slid a chair underneath her just in time for her to drop into it.

"What did Dean tell you?" Sam asked gently.

"What are you?" Charlie asked Gabe, ignoring Sam's question. "You healed me - are you -" she took a deep stuttering breath. "Are you an angel?"

Gabe smiled. "You really are the brightest witch in your year."

Charlie gasped, hands covering her mouth. She seemed overcome with awe, staring at Gabe with wide eyes. "So - so are you - like  _Gabriel_  Gabriel? Like visited the Virgin Mary Gabriel?"

"At your service."

All Charlie seemed able to do was stare.

"Uh, Charlie? What did Dean tell you? About the people and the things -"

Charlie turned in her seat and looked up at Sam with a wary expression. "He said - he said it wasn't a coincidence, Cas disappearing the day after you showed up."

Sam blanched. "Uh - I uh - I didn't do anything to Cas, I swear."

"Charlie, there's a lot of things going on right now, but we've got to get out of here. We're sitting ducks here." Gabe rested a hand on her shoulder. "Do you trust me?"

"You're the Archangel Gabriel. I think I kinda have to."

A crash of thunder sounded outside, shaking the dishes in the cabinets.

"Shit, they're here." Sam looked at Gabe. "Inias has Bobby and Jo, already took them back to Kansas with the car."

"Good. Let's get these two out of here."

"Wait! Just a minute. What the hell is going on?!"

"Charlie, doll, I don't have time to explain right now, but once we're safe -"

"Where's Cas?"

All three of them turned towards the basement door.

Dean stood there, white faced, hands shaking. "Where's Cas?" he asked again, voice cracking.

"Dean, we need to go. As soon as I get you to-"

"Where's Cas?!" Dean roared. "Where the hell is my husband?" He turned to Sam. "What did you do? What the fuck is going on?! I want answers now!"

"And we don't have time for that," Gabriel said simply, stepping forward and touching his fingers to Dean's forehead. He caught Dean as his body collapsed, scooping him up into his arms.

"Wha-what d-did you d-do?"

"He's ok. I just knocked him out. Charlie, I don't want to do the same to you because I need Sam's hands free. Think you can chill long enough to let me get us out of here?"

Charlie nodded.

"Alright. Sam, grab the bag."

"Gabe?" Charlie whispered. "Dean loves this house. He put so much in it - whatever took Cassie destroyed my house. Burnt it. Is that going to happen here?"

"I hope not. I've warded the hell out of this house. I'm hoping once we leave - and I'm going to let them know that we're leaving - they'll lose interest in the house and go away. I do have a couple of angels I'm leaving behind. And, fuck, Charlie. I am so sorry about your house, about Cassie. I'm going to do everything I can to fix it, I swear."

"Gabe -"

"Not now, honey. I need to get you and Dean out of here. Ok?"

Nodding, Charlie opened her mouth like she had more to say, but closed it just as quickly, and nodded again.

"Good girl. Sam?"

Sam grabbed Dean's duffle and stepped forward. "Take my arm, Charlie."

Looking confused, Charlie complied anyway, and Sam reached out to put his hand on Gabe's shoulder.

"Alright. I just did a little Harry Potter thing outside. Demons will believe they just saw us leave. Which works - we're gone." Gabe concentrated on the bunker, and two seconds later they were there.

"What did you do to him?" Ellen Harvelle cried, rushing forward to brush her hands over Dean's brow.

"He's fine! I knocked him out and he's heavy so show me his room."

Sam set the bag on the table in the war room and moved to take Dean from Gabe's arms. "I can take him."

"No. What room is he going in?"

Sighing, Sam pointed down the hall. "Ellen can show you."

Ellen nodded. "I made his bed. It's all ready for him."

Gabe followed Ellen down the hall to the bunker's bedrooms. He laid Dean on the bed inside the one Ellen showed him to.

"Is he alright?"

"He is now. I knocked him out enough that he'll sleep most of the night. He's going to be a wreck when he wakes up. Be prepared for that."

"And what are you doing now?"

Gabe looked down at Dean. "I'm going to help him the best way I know how."

"And that is?"

"I'm going to plan a rescue mission."

* * *

Charlie stared. It was all she could really do. She was pretty sure Gabe had brought her to a bomb shelter of some sort. She was sitting at a table with a glass top and an illuminated map of the world. All around the space were large consoles with dials and lights that hummed and buzzed and clicked. Everything looked like something from the original  _Star Trek_  set. Behind her was a ginormous staircase with a creepy blue glass wall behind it.

Sam fussed with the duffle bag from Dean's house as if he was trying to decide what to do with it. Finally, he picked it up and threw it over his shoulder, disappearing down the same hallway Gabe had taken Dean down, leaving Charlie alone and confused.

The blonde, Jo, appeared, mouth forming an o of surprise when she saw Charlie sitting there.

"They just leave you here? We have a room set aside for you and I can show you where it is. Did you bring any luggage or anything?"

"No I - I don't have anything left. Something - it took my wife. Burned our house down. I barely made it out."

Jo made a noise, a sympathetic look on her face. "Ok. You can borrow some of my stuff until one of us can run into town and get you something. How 'bout some jammies and a hot shower?"

"That sounds great. And then I want some answers."

"I'll see what I can do. Come with me." Jo gestured down the hallway and Charlie wearily dragged herself out of the chair to follow her.

Half an hour later, she was clean and wrapped in Jo's lavender scented Spongebob pants and a ragged Rolling Stones tee, nursing a cup of chamomile tea in the bunker's retro kitchen. Jo sat across from her, in sweats and a Hogwarts tee. If nothing else, she could see her and Jo becoming friends.

"So what do you want to know?"

"First of all, what the hell took my wife?" Charlie sat her tea down. "Her eyes went totally black. Even the parts that should have been white turned black."

"Shit. Uh, that was a demon."

"Demons are real." Charlie sighed. "I guess finding out Gabe was an angel - I shouldn't be surprised."

"Yeah. I'm sorry. I hate that this is happening to you."

"Me? What about Dean? I'm actually more worried about him than I am me."

"Well, Dean grew up in this life. He's prepared for it. You, on the other hand, were a civilian until today."

"Civilian? That's an interesting way of putting it." Charlie stared down into her empty cup. "I want more answers. I do. But I am so exhausted -"

"Say no more," Jo smiled. "C'mon, I'll show you your room. You're taking this awfully well, by the way," Jo added, as she motioned for Charlie to follow her out of the kitchen.

"I don't know that it's hit yet."

"I hear you."

They walked past the war room, and up the stairs in an elegant library, Charlie could see Sam, Bobby, Gabe, and a bunch of faces she didn't recognize. Gabe was speaking, something about weapons and tactics.

"What are they doing?" she asked Jo.

"Planning a mission."

"Gotcha. Top secret?"

"For now. There's a rescue in the works."

"Oh. Who needs to be rescued?"

"A bunch of angels."

Charlie walked silently beside Jo, the wheels in her head turning quickly. A thought occurred to her, and she stopped dead in her tracks. "Jo - Jo, is Castiel an angel, too?"

"Yes. That's who the rescue is for."

"Oh my god.  _Oh my god._  Does Dean know? Does he have any idea at all what's happening?"

"I don't think he's been conscious long enough. I know Gabe plans to talk to him before they leave."

"So all those people in the library - are they angels, too?"

"No, not all of them. Sam, Bobby, and my mother were in there - they're definitely not angels."

"I think I have even more questions now. Cas - I mean, jeez, did he know?"

"Gabe says no. I don't know all the details either." Jo stopped outside a door. "Look, Charlie, I don't know everything. I don't. I'm sorry."

"Ok," Charlie sighed.

Jo opened the door and stepped inside. The room was very simple. Concrete walls with a double bed, a nightstand, a desk, and a single dresser. There was a sink with a mirror overhead near the door.

"So this is yours. It's not much, but it's home. Make yourself comfortable. I'll see you in the morning, and I'm sure Sam will be able to sit down and talk with you then. Ok?"

"Ok."

Jo nodded and backed out of the room, shutting the door behind her.

Charlie sighed. She didn't know what to do, other than go to bed.

During the night, she woke with her bladder near bursting, and stepped out of her room to find the communal bathroom. On the way back, she passed a doorway, and from inside, she could hear muffled sobbing.

"Dean -" Charlie pushed the door open. The room was dim, but she could clearly make out Dean's shape in the bed. "Dean?"

"Ch-Charlie?" He sat up and switched the light on, blinking in the sudden brightness. His face was red and blotchy. Tears streamed from red rimmed eyes down his cheeks.

"Can I come in?"

Dean nodded, reaching up to swipe at his cheeks. He threw back the covers and patted the spot next to him. "T-to be h-honest, d-don't really want to be a-alone," he sniffled. "And I want to go home - but Sam says I can't. I w-want to go home so bad."

Charlie crawled onto the bed next to him and Dean drew the covers up over them both. Wrapping an arm around Dean's shoulders, she pulled him in close. "I know. Me, too. It's ok," she soothed.

"N-no, Charlie. It's so far from ok. I almost died today. The diner is - just gone. All of this - this is - this is all my f-fault. I should have -" he rubbed at his eyes again. "God. N-never should have g-gone to Baltimore in the first place. Fucked up. All fucked up."

"It's not your fault."

"Yes it is!" Dean insisted. "I brought all of this to you. You were - you had a g-good life. And now - C-cassie - that's on me, Charlie."

"No, Dean, it's not. It's not, I swear it."

"You don't know -"

"I know a lot more now. I know about angels and demons and all the things that go bump in the night -"

"Angels," Dean said softly. "Cas is -"

"I know."

Dean shuddered in her arms. "He's in Heaven. Gabe said they're going to try and rescue him -" he shook his head as a fresh wave of tears streaked down his face. "I'm scared," Dean whispered.

"Me, too." Charlie wasn't surprised to find tears on her own face, as she held Dean in her arms. "You should try to sleep."

"Stay with me?"

"Of course."

Dean shut off the light and they lay down beside each other, Dean's head resting on Charlie's shoulder. His tears soaked into her borrowed t-shirt, as they lay in the dark clinging to one another.

"We're going to get them back," Charlie said after a bit. "Both of them. We're going to get them back."

"I hope so."

It was a long time before either of them found sleep.

  
  



	13. The Coming Storm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be aware of a few new tags - actually one in particular.

Three days since they'd pulled Dean out of Baltimore, and his brother was quiet, withdrawn. He kept to his room in the bunker and didn't talk to anyone but Charlie. Sam hadn't even had a chance to introduce him to Little Dean.

"He's hurting. If you're expecting more from him, you probably oughta lower your expectations."

"I thought he'd at least be social once in a while."

"Sam, what do you want from him?" Bobby lifted his hat and scratched his head. "We dumped out his whole barrel of monkeys and he's longin' for his husband. You gotta give him some time."

"I know - I just -"

"Give him space. And give him some damn time."

"Fine," Sam huffed, pulling his laptop closer. A familiar rustle of wings announced Gabe's presence in the bunker library and Sam looked up expectantly. "Any luck?"

"Not really. My contact in Heaven has stopped responding so I can only assume they've been found out. That's another angel I'll add to the rescue list. How's my boy?"

Sam huffed. "I dunno. Go ask him. He won't talk to me at all."

"Can you blame him?"

Slamming his laptop shut, Sam glared at the archangel. "Is this the holy I told you so?"

"And I'm out," Bobby groused, shoving his chair back and getting to his feet. "Try not to destroy the place." He grabbed a decanter of whiskey on his way down the stairs to the war room.

"Maybe you should give Dean a little credit and tell him what's really going on here."

"Maybe you should fuck off." Sam stood too, chair shooting out behind him. "Stop meddling for once in your life."

The pressure in the room dropped suddenly and the hairs on the back of Sam's neck stood on end. A whiff of ozone, and Gabe had him shoved up against a wall. "I put up with your insolent shit because I like you - don't test me. Don't for one minute think I'm your pet, or your tool. I am the goddamn Messenger of God. Don't you forget that."

A rush of feathers and Gabe was gone, leaving Sam panting against the wall.

"Damn. You really know how to push his buttons. I've known him for years, and I've never seen him angry."

"Charlie," Sam sighed.

She settled at the table, opening the laptop she'd just purchased. "Maybe you should try talking to people instead of insulting them or making demands. You're a pretty bossy guy, aren't you?"

"I don't mean to be."

"Hmm." Charlie flipped her long hair over her shoulder. "For instance, I really want to know what happened to my wife, but you don't see me attempting to intimidate scary ass archangels." Charlie typed something on her laptop, before looking up at Sam. "You know, you might be a little kinder to your brother, instead of insisting he join us for meals or whatever. I don't know what you want from him, but a little kindness might go a long way." She focused on the screen, making it clear the conversation was over.

Sam ran a hand through his hair. She was right, and he knew it. He sighed and left the library, wandering down the stairs into the war room and hanging a right into the kitchen.

Ellen was rolling pie dough on the counter, while Jo peeled apples and Little Dean smashed pieces of hot dog on his plate.

"Daddy!" the two year old called cheerfully, and Sam sat down next to his high chair.

"You eating or playing, little dude?"

"A little of both," Jo grinned, handing Sam a cup of coffee.

"Thanks."

He watched Dean play with his food for a bit longer. "Gonna get confusing, having two Dean's around here."

"Well, the big one never comes out of his room, so that helps." Ellen stared at him pointedly over her rolling pin.

"That's not my fault."

"Yeah, it is," Jo said. "Every time you talk to him, you take on this bossy I'm in charge tone. He's hurting. I think you expect him to get over it right away, and that's just not going to happen."

"What am I supposed to say to him?"

"Maybe I'm sorry? Or what can I do to make this easier?"

"Why is it my fault? Everyone is ready to string me up over this!"

"Well," Jo said irritably, "all you tell any of us is that you have to keep Dean safe. You don't tell us why, I mean other than what we already know. But don't you think it's weird that he doesn't have any problems with anything from the supernatural world until the day after we show up on his doorstep? I think that's a little weird." She dropped her hands to her hips and raised an eyebrow.

"Alright, fine! I'll go talk to him!" He yanked himself to his feet.

"Take him this. He hasn't eaten today." Ellen thrust a plate with a sandwich and chips on it towards Sam along with a bottle of coke. "Be nice. Be understanding. Try and think about how you would feel if your whole life had been obliterated in a matter of moments."

"I do think about it," Sam said, taking the food. "Because it did happen to me. Try and remember that."

He stalked out of the kitchen and down the hall towards the bedrooms. Hesitating outside Dean's door, he raised his hand to knock and dropped it. It took him three attempts to collect himself enough to actually knock.

"Come in," Dean called softly, and Sam turned the knob.

"Hey. Brought you some lunch. Ellen made you a sandwich. She's making pie for after dinner."

"Alright," Dean said quietly. Sam set the plate down on the desk next to the photo album Dean was staring at. Pictures of Dean and Cas littered the pages. Dean's fingers rested on one of them both wearing mouse ears and kissing in front of Cinderella's Castle. "Our honeymoon," Dean said, flipping the pages. "Went to Disney. It was incredible." He sighed heavily and closed the album. "I can't believe it's all over."

"You're going to see him again. Gabriel's -"

"Yeah." Dean stood and crossed the room to his bed. "Sure." He sat down on the edge and looked up at Sam with tired eyes. Heavy bags ringed the underneath of them and it was clear he hadn't been sleeping much. "Am I a prisoner here, Sammy?"

"What? No - I mean, you have free run of the place! There's tons of books and we've got a big TV in the library, and you're free to cook or do whatever you want. You're not a prisoner!"

"Ok. Then I'm going back home."

"You can't."

"You just said I'm not -"

"You're not a prisoner here, Dean. I promise you that," Sam tried to keep the frustration out of his voice. "But you have to stay here for now. It's safe here, and I can't protect you if you leave."

A shadow crossed Dean's face. "Yeah. That uh - that kinda sounds like I'm a prisoner actually. I mean," Dean gestured to the walls. "Concrete and cinder block walls. Big metal doors. No windows. No natural light." He huffed and crossed his arms over his chest. "Like living in a dungeon."

"I'm sorry you're unhappy, but I have to keep you -"

"Safe. Right." Dean stood again and starting pacing the floor near the foot of the bed. "You know, it's just - I was in Baltimore for twenty years. Never so much as a hint of anything supernatural. Not an angry spirit, poltergeist, not even a simple death echo. Nothing. It's - I dunno."

Sam leaned against the wall, crossing his arms over his chest and trying for a nonchalant expression. "What do you mean?"

"I'm not stupid. Yeah, I've been out of the game for awhile, and maybe I'm a little rusty - but don't you think it's a little weird that the very day after you reappear in my life, everything goes to hell? My husband suddenly remembers that he's an angel, my diner gets blown up, and I - I -" Dean's lower lip trembled as he touched his throat and shuddered.

"Good thing we got there when we did then, huh?"

Dean narrowed his eyes and stared at Sam with an inscrutable expression. "Yeah. Guess it is." Crossing back to the desk, he lifted the plate and handed it to Sam. "Tell Ellen thanks, but I'm just not hungry. I'm going to take a nap." He walked over to the door and opened it wider, making it clear that he wanted Sam to leave.

"Dean -"

"I'm tired."

Fighting the urge to roll his eyes, Sam nodded, took the plate, and left the room. Dean shut the door firmly behind him and locked it.

"Fucking fuck," Sam muttered. He stormed back into the kitchen and dropped the plate on the counter. "He's not hungry. I give up. Someone else try and talk to him!"

He turned on his heel and left the kitchen, not stopping until he reached the safety of his own room, where he slammed and locked the door.

Sam sat on his bed. He dropped his face into his hands and fought the urge not to cry out of sheer frustration and guilt. Yeah, he knew he destroyed Dean's life. He knew it.

"What's wrong, kiddo?"

The familiar rustle of feathers alerted him to the archangel's presence, but Sam didn't look up. He felt Gabe sit next to him. "Nothing," he muttered. "Just fucked my brother's life up. Surprised you can even look at me."

"Aw, I'm not really mad. Did I scare you when I went all big bad Archangel in the library?"

Snorting, Sam looked up with a grin. "You don't scare me."

"Good." Gabe wrapped an arm around Sam. "But we gotta keep 'em in the dark, don't we?"

"Yeah. Not really sure how they'd react to this."

Gabe stood and shoved Sam back onto the bed. He dropped one knee to the mattress and climbed up Sam's torso, staring down at him with intent in his amber eyes. "I don't really care what they think," Gabe growled, leaning in for a fierce kiss, tongue slipping easily past Sam's lips.

He lost himself in the kiss, reveling in the feel of Gabe against him. For a moment, at least, Sam let his worries go out the window. Breathless when they pulled apart, Gabe smiled down at him.

"What do you want, sweetcheeks?"

Sam grinned right back.

"Fuck me."

* * *

Castiel shuddered, and rolled onto his side on the ledge in his cell. He ached. Naomi had spent a lengthy amount of time probing his grace and it hurt. The tool she used -

He wrapped his arms tighter around himself.

A wave of grief mixed with intense longing swept over him, catching him off guard and making everything hurt that much worse - the longing was bad enough, imagine if Dean realized he could pray to Castiel as well?

Wherever Dean was, he was likely crying, judging by the echoes of deep despair emanating from his husband. Cas could only imagine what Dean was going through - he ached for him as well.

A soft brush of grace against his own, and Hannah's soft whisper - "Castiel? Are you alright?"

"No."

"You're in pain," Gadreel said softly. "What has she done to you?"

"Poked and prodded and stabbed. And I don't know why. She didn't ask questions, didn't interrogate me - I don't know what Naomi wants."

Hannah and Gadreel's combined grace soothed some of the aches troubling him. "We can't do much more, brother. I'm sorry."

"What you've done is appreciated. Gadreel - I was wrong about you. I'm sorry."

"It's alright."

"No, it's not-"

_Cas._

Castiel gasped.

_I don't know if you can hear prayers. I don't know._

"Castiel?"

"I can hear him. He's praying to me."

_I miss you so much. I'm so scared. No one will tell me what's really happening. A demon tried to kill me - I think he did kill me. But I'm still here. Gabriel - Cas, please - I need you. I can't - I can't -_

It was clear that Dean was crying, and Cas imagined him, sobbing into a pillow.

"Dean," he whispered, pain sliding along his grace again, making what Naomi did to him feel like a scratch.

_I need you. I need you so much. I don't understand what's happening. I know Sammy did something. And that terrifies me. Cassie's gone too. A demon took her. Charlie and me, we're both so scared we're never going to see you guys again. Cas, I don't care if you're some fired up angel. You're still my husband. I still love you so much - so much. I can't - I can't do this without you. I need you. Fuck, Cas, I need you. Cas, pleas-_

"Castiel."

Blinking, Cas was surprised to find himself on his feet in Naomi's pristine office.

"Hello, Castiel."

"Release me."

"No. I have a job for you. Your brother is coming to fetch you soon."

Cas scowled.

"Yes, we know Gabriel's alive. It'll work to our advantage. He'll 'rescue' you and the others, and will make our job that much easier."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"The Winchesters - Dean, specifically."

His grace flared in anger. "You won't touch him. I won't allow you near him."

"Oh, but you will. He's an important piece of the puzzle and very valuable to us. You're going to bring him to us."

"I will not."

"You will. Trust me, Castiel."

"I am not your slave and I do not bow to your bidding."

Naomi folded her hands over her pristine desk and smiled. "You do, and you will. You'll report back regularly, and when he's ready, you'll bring Dean Winchester to us."

"Ready? Ready for what?"

"For the plans we have for him. He's to serve Heaven. It doesn't matter that he didn't serve his time in hell. He's still the Righteous Man, and he still belongs to us."

Cas narrowed his eyes. "And why would I do as you say?"

"Because you won't remember this, or any of our future visits, but you'll do as asked without even blinking. You serve Heaven. Your time of childish rebellion is over, whether you agree to my terms or not. I remade you. You're mine."

"No, I -"

"Castiel?"

"I - I -" Castiel sat up on his ledge, staring out into the dark corridor. "I think I was asleep."

But was he? Something important scratched at the edges of his consciousness.

"Rest is good," Hannah agreed. "It'll help you heal."

"Yes. Yes, you're right."

Castiel settled back onto the uncomfortable ledge. Dean was no longer praying, but he could still feel his husband's misery - along with a fiery little edge of determination.

It occurred to Castiel that they shouldn't be quite this in tune - he shouldn't be able to feel so much of Dean's emotions. The longing was one thing - but to be able to feel Dean's spirit slowly reviving itself, to be able to tell that Dean was up to something, on a mission as it were, was unusual.

Tiredness washed over him in waves. Hannah suggested rest and she was right. Rest he would, at least until Naomi came for him again.

* * *

"You honestly believe we can storm Heaven and mount a rescue?"

"Yes."

"You're insane."

"So I've been told."

Balthazar sighed and looked at Gabriel over the edge of a champagne flute. "I left a very interesting supper party for this."

"It's Castiel, Balth."

"Yes. Which is why I'm still here. However - you want to bring Gadreel along as well? Gadreel? Honestly, Gabe. What are you thinking?"

"Gadreel was framed. I'm asking you to trust me on that one."

"Hmmph." Balthazar looked around at the angels sitting in the bunker's library. "So let me get this straight - the plan is to rescue darling Cassie, Hannah, Azrael, Ion, Abner, and Gadreel. Six angels. And there's how many of us? Because at the moment, I just see you, me, and Inias, and my apologies to Inias, that's not enough."

"There are more of us," Inias offered.

"How many more?"

"Several dozen. Rachel, Hester, Anna -"

"Anna? Bloody hell, I thought she was dead."

"No."

Balthazar drained the last of his champagne. "Well, if you have all of these angels in waiting, what could you possibly need me for?"

Gabe grinned at his brother. "'Cause you're the sneakiest angel I know."

"Quite. Alright then, say I'm in. When does this fiasco kick off?"

"Gabriel! Gabriel!" Charlie ran up the stairs from the war room, hair everywhere and her face red.

"What is it?"

"He's gone! I just checked his room, went to give him some dinner and he's gone! I looked everywhere -"

"Who's gone? Dean?"

"Yeah!"

"Are you sure? Charlie, are you sure?" Gabe grabbed her arms.

"Yes!"

"Shit!"

"Gabe!" Sam's voice echoed through the halls. "Gabe! The Impala's gone and I can't find Dean -"

"I'm aware." Gabe turned to the other two angels. "I'll be in touch. I have to take care of this first."

The other two nodded and vanished in a rush of feathers.

"What do we do?" Charlie asked, voice breaking.

"Relax. We'll find him. Not like we don't know where he's heading - do we know when he left?"

"Last time the garage door opened was around ten last night."

"And no one noticed?"

Sam blushed. "It's old. It doesn't set off an alarm or anything."

"So almost twenty-four hours ago. Well, then it's safe to say he's already home. I'll go get him."

"I'm coming with you," Sam and Charlie said in unison.

Charlie turned and glared at Sam. "The hell you are. Every time you're around him, you upset him!"

"He's my brother! He looked out for me my whole life, it's my turn! Do you even know what he went through? Do you even have a clue?"

"Who was there when he had nightmares? Huh? Me and Cas. Who got him through his GED classes? Who helped him feel like a person again? Me and fuckin' Cas! Where the hell were you?"

"Where was I? He left! He ran, and I don't blame him for a minute, but do you think I would have willingly abandoned him? You don't know me, Charlie! You don't know how much I love him!"

"Love him? More like obsessed -"

"ENOUGH," Gabe roared, his voice shaking the books on the shelves. "You're both staying here. I'll take Ellen."

Ellen nodded from where she stood quietly at the top of the stairs.

Both Charlie and Sam's shoulders sagged as they deflated.

"I know both of you love him very much. But this? Screaming insults at each other and dragging up a past he'd rather not deal with? It won't help. I'm going to go get him. Get your shit together before I get back." Gabe crossed the floor to Ellen. "Ready?"

She nodded, and Gabe put his hand on her shoulder. He spread his wings, and a millisecond later, they stood in Dean's dark living room.

"Dean?" Ellen called softly.

Gabe peeked out into the backyard, relieved to see the Impala pulled in next to the Nova. "He's here. Car's here, anyway."

They searched the house together, checking every room, but Dean was nowhere in sight.

"Shit, Gabe. Don't think the demons got him, do you?"

"I don't know. I don't feel anything - smell anything - and the house looks untouched."

"What about the diner?"

"It's about three miles from here. I'll go check real quick." A second later, he materialized in the diner - or what was left of it. "Fuck me," he whispered.

The day Alastair attacked, Gabe hadn't really taken a moment to look around. His sole focus had been on getting Dean out. But now -

Every piece of glass in the place was shattered. Boards had been nailed up over the front doors, and crime scene tape hung everywhere. Gabe stepped towards the kitchen, more glass cracking under his feet. Reaching down, he picked up the frame, smiling sadly back at the faces in it - Dean and Cas, arms wrapped around each other, Charlie and Cassie in much the same position, and Benny and Andrea smiling like the proud parents they were.

The picture had been taken on the kids' wedding day.

"I should try and find you guys," Gabe murmured to Benny and Andrea's smiling faces. "Dean could use you, vampires or not."

Gabe held on to the picture as he made a quick walk through the ruined diner, satisfied that Dean wasn't there. The stench of sulphur was overwhelming, and Gabe was more than happy to zap himself back to Dean's house.

It had started to rain in the time he was gone, and he found Ellen sitting on the screen porch.

"Any luck?"

"No. I'm worried."

"Me, too."

He sat beside her, showing her the photo. "Happier times."

Ellen took it from him, running her fingers down Dean's smiling face. "He looks so happy."

"He was."

"These the folks that took him in?"

"Yup. Benny and Andrea Lafitte. They're vampires."

"Really?" Ellen seemed surprised, but not shocked. "Did Dean know?"

"Nope. They faked their deaths. They didn't know about him - didn't know he was a hunter. Didn't know Cas and I were angels." Gabe sighed. "What a fucking mess."

The rocked on the porch swing, watching as the storm gathered strength, rain battering the two black cars. "This is a very nice house."

"Dean did most of it. Good with his hands. He and Cas terraced the garden out front, and Dean built this porch. Remodeled the whole damn house by himself."

"We should have left him alone."

"Yeah," Gabe said bitterly. "I told Sam that, time and time again. He just fucking ignored me."

"He's stubborn. Reminds me entirely too much of his Daddy."

"Hmmph."

They rocked in silence, watching lightning dance across the sky. The storm was unsettling to Gabriel. It felt like more than a storm.

"They're hurting him," Dean whispered, making both of them jump. "I can feel it." Dean stepped out onto the porch, opening the screen door. He turned his face up to the rain. "I can feel it," he murmured again, eerily backlit by a flash of lightning.

Ellen tossed Gabe a look of concern as she stood. "Dean, honey, it's not safe here. We need to get you home," Ellen reached for him, gasping when her hand touched his arm. "Oh my god, Gabriel. He's burning up!"

Gabe was next to Dean in an instant. "Hey, kiddo. What's going on with you?"

Dean turned fever bright eyes his way. "Gabe - they're hurting Cas. You gotta - gotta make it stop." He looked around, clearly delirious. "I thought he'd - maybe he'd be here. But he's not. He's n-not. Where - find him. P-please, Gabe. I n-need h-him."

"I'm gonna get him out. I was getting the crew together when you up and vanished on us. Scared us half to death." He reached out and pulled Dean closer. He could feel the trembling in Dean's limbs. "I think you're coming down with something. Let me help." Gabe touched Dean's forehead. "What the hell?" He touched him again, forcing intent and grace into Dean's body.

"What is it?" Ellen asked fearfully.

"I can't heal him."

Dean's breathing was ragged and harsh. "They're hurting him - they're hurting him -" he mumbled the phrase over and over again.

"Alright, Dean, I'm going to take you back to the bunker. We're gonna get Cas, ok? I'm gonna go get him."

Dean seemed to hear him that time, a moment of clarity shining back at Gabe through dazed green eyes. "I don't - I don't -" He took a shuddering breath. "Don't f-feel g-good."

Dean's eyes rolled back and his body went utterly limp, Gabe just barely catching him.

"What's happening?" Ellen cried, as a massive crack of thunder rolled.

"I don't know. But we need to go now." Gabe could feel the demons drawing nearer, and he knew they were out of time. "Grab my arm!"

"What about the cars?"

Gabe shifted Dean in his arms, snapping the fingers on his free hand to send both cars to the bunker. "Time to go, Ellen." He concentrated and spread his wings to fly them home.

He brought Ellen and Dean directly to Dean's room, laying Dean's limp body out on the bed. "Go get a first aid kit. I want to see how high his fever is."

Ellen nodded and dashed out of the room.

"Gabe!" Sam skidded into the room, Charlie hot on his heels. "Is he -"

"I don't know. He's running a fever and I can't heal him."

Ellen returned with the thermometer. Charlie took it from her and crawled into Dean's bed to take his temperature, reading the display when the device beeped. "103.7," she whispered, face horrified.

"What is going on?" Sam asked.

"Oh dear," Balthazar entered the room, eyes sweeping over Dean's prone form. "This is Cassie's beloved, yes?"

"Yeah. You thinking what I'm thinking?"

Balthazar's face was uncharacteristically serious. "Indeed. We need to fetch Castiel -  _now_."

  
  



	14. Profound Bond

"You can't be serious."

Gabe sighed. "Do I look like I'm making this shit up?"

"So you're telling me," Sam shook his head, trying to wrap his mind around the idea, "you're telling me that Cas and Dean have some kind of weird profound bond thing and it's basically killing my brother?"

"It's not the bond that's killing him, exactly," Balthazar offered. "It's the distance. Cassie is in one dimension, Heaven, while Dean is here on Earth. The piece of Castiel's grace is deteriorating without access to the source, and it's taking Dean with it."

"Balth and I were just as surprised. It's rare for a bond of this magnitude to form between two angels. In fact, I've only heard of one pair - but between an angel and a human? Especially while the angel's grace was dormant? Yeah. I got no point of reference for this."

Sam sighed and started pacing across the library. "How long does he have before it kills him?"

"No idea. But probably not that long, if he's starting to have access to how Castiel feels."

"What do you mean?"

"When I went to get him in Baltimore, he said he could feel Cas. He could feel them hurting him."

"Hurting him how?"

"Dammit, Sam, I don't know! I'm flying blind here. I have to go get Cas. That's the only way I can think of to help Dean right now."

"His fever's up," Ellen said, climbing the steps to the library. "He's up to 104.7. I don't know how that's even possible. Jo and Charlie are stripping him down and putting ice packs on him. We're gathering fans to make his room as cool as possible."

"The grace is killing him and protecting him from the fever at the same time. It's hard to explain. We're pushing up the rescue mission. Cas is Dean's only chan-"

"Mom! Mom! Come quick!" Jo's panicked voice echoed down the corridor.

All of them charged into Dean's room to find him in just his boxers, huddled in a corner of the room. He was screaming, clearly in pain, both hands gripping the sides of his head.

"Dean!" Gabe knelt before him. "What is it, kiddo? What's wrong?" He put his hands on Dean's shoulders and gently shook him. "Come on, talk to me."

"C-cas -" Dean whimpered, collapsing into Gabe's arms.

"I know, I know," Gabe soothed, gently gathering Dean into a bridal carry and moving him back towards the bed.

Sam's frustration level increased. "What the fuck -"

"No! Stop, stop, please!" Dean started screaming again, hands going back to his head as he curled into the fetal position.

"What the hell?!" Sam reached for Dean, who only curled in tighter on himself and sobbed. "What is this, Gabe?"

"N-no, p-please," Dean whimpered.

Gabe reached for Dean, turning his face up. Dean's eyes were wide and streaming tears, and blood was trickling from his nose. "I'm going right now," Gabe told him softly. "I'm going to bring him home to you. Understand?"

Dean nodded weakly.

"Time to go," Gabe said to Balthazar. He turned back to Sam. "I don't know how long we'll be gone, but I'll make it as fast as I can. Do your best to keep him comfortable. Do the thing with the ice packs. Put him in the tub if you have to." He smiled grimly at Balthazar. "Ready, brother?"

"Ready."

The two of them left together, the familiar sound of rustling feathers in the hall announcing their departure.

"Naomi," Dean whispered. "S-stop. P-please."

"Who's Naomi?"

Ellen shook her head. "Like I know. Lay him down, Sam. Let's get him cooled off."

"C-Cas...," Dean whimpered, eyes slipping shut. "C-Cas…"

"He's so weak," Sam slid his hand under Dean's head, lifting him onto a pillow. "And so hot. Jesus, he's hot."

"I sent Charlie and Jo to get more ice packs, and we'll get the fans going. Chuck and Bobby are looking for some."

"Where's the little guy?"

"Napping. I'm trying to keep him blissfully unaware of what's going on."

"You're a lifesaver, Ellen."

"C-Cas...p-please…" Dean's head tossed on the pillow, his face pulled into a grimace of pain.

Sam's heart clenched. "God, Ellen, what if - what if Gabe doesn't get back in time?"

"He will. I have faith in that damn angel." She leveled Sam with a scorching look. "And I know you do, too. I'm smarter than I look and I know what you two do behind closed doors. Bad enough we got one Winchester married to an angel."

"Ellen -"

"I know." She covered Dean's groin with a towel. "Trust me, you're gonna say. Trust that I know what I'm doing. Sam, I do trust you. But you're gambling with a lot of lives right now, and I just want to make sure you know what you're doing."

"I do, I promise."

Ellen opened her mouth to say more, but the girls came back with the ice packs, and the four of them worked together to care for Dean. He whined at the coldness seeping through the washcloths, but he was far too weak to shove the things off.

Chuck couldn't seem to take his eyes off Dean while he helped set up the fans. Bobby was quick and efficient, but Chuck seemed distracted, watching Dean gasp for each hard won breath.

"He doesn't have long," Chuck said softly.

"Have you seen this? Is he going to -"

"No. I'll be honest, Sam, I haven't had a vision in days. Weeks. I dunno. They stopped right before you went to get him." Chuck stepped closer to the bed. "I just - I can tell. He's fading."

* * *

Hours passed. Dean grew weaker and weaker. He finally lost consciousness and didn't wake up again, even when he started coughing up blood. Sam and Charlie kept a vigil by his bedside.

 _He's not going to make it_ , Sam thought. He gently exchanged the thawed ice pack underneath Dean's neck for a fresh one.

Charlie snapped into gear and helped him swap out the rest, taking her seat beside the bed when they were done. She sat with her hands wrapped around one of his, mouth moving in silent prayer.

Sam could hear little Dean outside the door, playing and running and giggling. He wasn't the least bit aware that anything was wrong in his world, or that behind a door across the hall from his own, the uncle he'd been named for and never met was dying.

Tears burned in Sam's eyes, as he dropped his head into his hands. "This is my fault," he muttered.

"Not entirely."

Looking up, he caught Charlie's eyes. "Not sure I understand."

"I think all of this would have happened eventually, anyway, and on some level, you're a pawn, too. You're not the one who powered down an angel and parked him in Baltimore, you're not the one who made Dean run all those years ago - I dunno. Seems like the cards were stacked against you and Dean right from the beginning. I think all of this would have happened eventually." Charlie frowned. "Why did he run? He's never told me. I think Cas knows…" she trailed off. "But I guess if he wanted me to know, he'd've told me."

"It's ugly," Sam muttered, staring at his brother's lax face. "A demon possessed my father - after he killed him - and he -" Sam rubbed a hand over his eyes. "He did some pretty horrible things to Dean."

"You mean, like torture him or -" Charlie's face blanched. "Oh my god." She covered her mouth with her hand. "Oh god, so much makes sense now - but I would have - oh god, Dean," she whispered, squeezing his hand tighter. "Why didn't you tell me? I would have helped you, I swear." Tears streamed down her face. "I'm so sorry."

"Charlie, you're so utterly innocent in all of this, I can't even begin to -"

There was a massive clatter and raised voices outside in the hall and then Dean's door slammed open, Gabe striding through with a man in a trench coat in his arms.

"We've got wounded in the library. Both of you get out of here!"

He crossed the room, gently laying the man beside Dean.

"Cas! Is he ok?" Charlie ran a hand through his hair.

"He will be. Apparently this thing works in reverse, although not as fast as it took Dean down, but Cas is hurting." He looked up, meeting up with Sam. "Out. You and Charlie, go."

"What the hell?! I'm not just going to-"

"I'm about to initiate kinky sexual healing between my brother and yours, you really want to watch?"

Sam's cheeks flamed and Charlie all but ran from the room. "No, not really."

"Good, get to the library. I've got wounded and I'm going to need your help."

* * *

It shouldn't have been so easy. Storming Heaven proved to be almost effortless.

"I've got a bad feeling about this," Balthazar said, following Gabriel into the dungeons.

"Me too, Han Solo," Gabe muttered.

"Gabriel?"

"Hannah," Gabe smiled, walking to the first cell and releasing the gate. "Good to see you." She threw herself into his arms.

"They're coming. They know we're here," Anna whispered.

Gabriel left the others to free the rest of the prisoners. Castiel was laying on his side in his cell, clearly unconscious. "How long as he been like this?

"Since Dean stopped praying."

"Dammit." Gabe scooped Castiel into his arms, holding him close to his chest. "Time to go."

They were almost to the gate when Zachariah and Raphael showed up.

* * *

Sam left Dean's room, huffing and puffing and clearly angry. Gabe paid him no mind. He used his grace to shut and lock the door behind Sam.

"Ok, you two. I'm going to tuck you under the blankets and zap away your clothes and then I'm making like a tree and leaving." He waved his hand and a sizable buffet appeared on Dean's desk, along with a cooler of water bottles. He materialized an extra-large bottle of lube and a handful of other goodies on Dean's bedside table.

"G-Gabe -"

"Shh," Gabe soothed, running a hand through Cas's hair. "You're safe. Dean's right beside you." He reached over Cas and joined his and Dean's hands. "Feel him?"

Cas nodded, not opening his eyes.

"He's in bad shape, Cassie. Gotta use that inherent awesomeness of yours and fix him up. You won't be disturbed and everything you need is in the room. Come out when you guys are ready - but don't wait too long to take care of Dean. He needs you, ok?"

"What's wrong with him?" Cas asked weakly.

"Same thing that's wrong with you. You'll figure it out. Make him feel good, it'll make you feel good, too." Gabe snapped some candles into being.

"Why am I naked?"

"Figure it out, stud," Gabe smirked, before zapping himself back to the library.

Hannah was laid out on the table, hands clutched over the wound in her stomach. "Hey, there kiddo. I'm gonna fix you up."

She nodded, too weak to respond. Gabe gently cupped her chin in his hand and sent a wave of grace through her body.

"Thank you," she smiled, as he helped her sit back up.

"You're welcome. We couldn't have done this without you and Azrael." Gabe sighed. "And I hate to say it in light of his and the others' deaths, but that was too easy. Way too easy."

"I agree," Gadreel said. "It makes me nervous."

Abner reached for his hand and pulled him down onto the couch beside him. "It'll be ok. This place - I can feel how safe it is."

"So, uh, anyone want to tell me what's going on?"

"Sam Winchester," Hannah said softly. "It's an honor."

Sam looked confused. "It is?"

"Yes," Anna stepped forward. "You're going to save the world."

All the blood drained from Sam's face. "I don't know - I don't -"

"You will. It's written." Gadreel stood again and crossed the floor. "We've been waiting for you for a long time, Sam Winchester."

Fear danced in Sam's eyes.

"Ok, guys, it's been a big day. Sam and I need to have a little chat. Feel free to poke around the library and stuff. I don't recommend leaving the bunker."

Without waiting for confirmation, Gabe grabbed Sam's arm and dragged him down the hall to his room.

"What is going on?" Sam asked the second Gabe shut the door. "What are they talking about? I don't understand."

"It's ok. Don't freak out. It's just some old prophecy that may or may not be true and I don't want to work you up over hearsay. It's late, and you've been stressed out over Dean all day. Get in the bed."

"Gabe -"

"Sammy, do you trust me?"

"Yes, but -"

Gabe gently pushed Sam down to sit on the bed, catching his chin in his palm. "Then trust me about this."

Sam looked conflicted. "Ok," he muttered finally. "Cas is ok, though?"

Gabe focused on his brother for a moment, relieved that he'd thought to buffer the rest of the bunker from Cas's grace. "More than ok, actually."

"Never mind, I don't want to know."

"No, you really don't," Gabe chuckled.

"I'm glad you were able to get him out."

"Yeah, about that. It was weird. There should have been more resistance. We lost Rachel, Hester, and Azrael, but those were pretty light casualties considering." He caught Sam's face. "Don't look at me like that. At the end of the day, I'm a general, and I have to look at things tactically. That mission should not have been that easy. I almost feel like - like they wanted us to get Cas out."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning there might be something bigger at play here. We need to keep our eyes open, Sam."

* * *

Cas ran his fingers over the palm of Dean's hand. Dean was hot; too hot, intense fever running through his body.

"Dean," Cas breathed, rolling to his side.

Dean lay on his back, mouth slightly opened. His face was flushed with fever and dried blood crusted in the corners of his mouth. Cas pressed his nose into the space between Dean's shoulder and jaw and breathed him in.

"Dean. My Dean. _Beloved_ ," he murmured, kissing along Dean's neck as strength slowly returned to him. His grace sang, overjoyed to be so close to Dean's human soul. Cas slid a hand along the heated skin of Dean's belly. "Open your eyes, I'm here, I'm here," he said softly in between kisses. "Open your eyes, Dean." Cas sent a wave of grace into Dean's body.

"Uhhh," Dean moaned.

"That's it." Cas pushed himself up on one arm, running the fingers of his free hand down Dean's face. "Open your beautiful eyes, beloved."

Dean lids fluttered, blinking open a moment later. His eyes were unfocused at first, gradually clearing as he stared up at Cas.

"Cas," he whispered. "Are you - are you really here?"

"Yes. I'm here. I'm here and I never should have left you. I'm so sorry," he pulled Dean into his arms and pressed them chest to chest, burying his face in Dean's neck. "I shouldn't have left you. Please forgive me. I'm so sorry."

Dean's arms tightened around him. "Oh god, you're here. You're here. I thought I was never - thought I'd never see you again. Cas, Cas," Dean kissed every part of Cas's face he could reach, sliding hands across his back, down his arms.

"I'm here, I'm here." He turned his head, lips crashing into Dean's.

His grace surged, making the lights in the room flicker madly. Someone had the sense to leave some candles behind, and that was probably a good idea, since the harder he kissed Dean, the more passion he felt, the more the lights dimmed.

"What is that?" Dean gasped, as Cas dipped his head to attack his neck again. "Felt it before - the night you left -"

"My grace," Cas growled. "I find it," he nipped at Dean's jaw, "difficult to control," he sucked the lobe of Dean's ear into his mouth and bit lightly, "when I'm with you. The things you make me feel," his lips found Dean's again, "it's intoxicating." Cas swept his tongue inside of Dean's mouth, feeling his lover grow hard beneath him. "You're intoxicating."

Everything became very blurred after that. Cas used his grace to stretch and prepare Dean, with his mouth on his cock, and it didn't take long to reduce Dean to a begging mess. He pushed Dean's legs up, practically bending him in half, and he took Dean fast and hard while Dean's nails dug bloody furrows down his back. They both came screaming, as every bulb in the room shattered with the force of Cas's grace, and Dean passed out completely.

Cas waited patiently for Dean to wake again. He poked around the room a bit, smiling when he came across the album of photos. He turned the pages carefully, smiling at images of he and Dean getting married and then on their honeymoon.

Dean started to stir. Setting the album aside, Cas made a plate of fruit, cheese, and crackers from the impressive spread on the desk, offering up a silent thanks to Gabriel. He'd just settled down on the bed when Dean woke, sitting straight up with his eyes wide.

"Cas?" Dean reached out and touched his face. "Was that - was that real? I wasn't dreaming?"

"No, beloved. You weren't dreaming. I'm really here."

"Oh, god," Dean whimpered, throwing himself into Cas's arms. "I've been sick and I thought it was a fever dream. You're really here," he breathed against Cas's neck.

Cas wrapped his arms tight around Dean. "I'm never leaving you again. I promise."

Dean nodded against his chest, warm wetness forming there as Dean cried silently, clinging to him. After a time, Dean calmed and Cas gently pushed him back into the pillows and reached for the plate. "You should eat."

"Probably right. Haven't eaten much of anything in days."

Cas picked a luscious strawberry from the plate and held it to Dean's lips. He rearranged them on the bed so that Dean was cradled against his chest, and every bite Dean ate came from Cas's fingers. It was better that way; Dean could eat, and Cas could feast on Dean's neck and the skin behind his ears.

"Are you feeling better now?" Cas asked as he set the plate aside and opened a bottle of water for Dean.

"Feeling a little lazy and spoiled at the moment."

"You should always be spoiled. You deserve good things, deserve to be cared for."

"Not a child," Dean mumbled, cheeks reddening.

"No," Cas smiled, reaching down to cup Dean's semi hard length in his hand. "I'd say not. Still," he kissed his neck, "I enjoy spoiling you. I enjoy doing things for you. And you should admit to me, to yourself, that you enjoy it. You enjoyed eating from my fingers. You like it when I care for you." Dean squirmed, and Cas could feel his arousal building. "We've done something - something rare. Somehow, a piece of my grace has lodged in your soul. We're bonded. I can feel what you feel. Right now, you're happy, content, but also utterly aroused. And you want me to take control. I'm right, aren't I?"

"Fuck, Cas," Dean whined.

Cas shifted them, laying Dean flat on the bed before claiming his mouth again. Dean's arms wrapped around his neck, and he groaned into the kiss as Cas lined them up.

"You are wonderful," he whispered in Dean's ear, rocking their hips together. "You are everything I didn't know I wanted and now can't live without. My world, my life, my everything. My beloved."

"Cas, I - I -" Dean's eyes were so full as he stared up at Cas.

"I know. I know." He slid back down Dean's body, finding him with his mouth.

Hands locked into his hair, Dean's hips moving upward with a mind of their own. Dean babbled nonsensically above him, as Cas slid grace-slicked fingers inside of his already stretched hole.

"Fuck, I'm gonna - I'm gonna -"

Cas lifted his head and grinned. "Come for me, Dean," he ordered, and Dean obeyed, hips and back arching off the bed as he painted his own chest in thick, white stripes.

Climbing back up his body, Cas lifted Dean's shaking legs and wrapped them around his waist, sliding inside of him easily. A jolt of grace to Dean's body and he was hard again.

"How do you do that to me?" Dean breathed. "How?"

"Magic," Cas smiled, pulling back and thrusting home again. He reached for Dean's wrists, pinning them over his head.

"You weren't like this before - you were gentle, careful -"

"Would you prefer that?"

"Fuck, Cas," Dean groaned as the head of Cas's cock dragged over his prostate. "No, god no. Fuck me. Fuck me, goddammit!"

Growling, Cas pinned Dean to the bed harder, leaning down to drag his teeth down Dean's neck. His body weight shoved Dean's thighs flush against his come smeared chest, and he angled his body so that every thrust hit Dean's prostate.

Dean was beyond words. He could only manage groans and guttural sounds in the back of his throat. His hips worked to meet each and every one of Cas's thrusts.

"I'm going to make you come so hard," Cas growled. "I can use my grace to make you feel like my mouth is on you, too," he demonstrated and Dean all but screamed, eyes rolling into the back of his head. "I'm going to push you over that edge so hard, you'll black out again just from the overload of pleasure."

"G-god, f-fuck," Dean stammered, already overwhelmed.

Cas leaned in for a kiss, sucking Dean's tongue into his mouth. He let go of one of Dean's wrists, keeping it pinned there with his grace. His free hand reached down to feel where he and Dean were joined together, and he let the tip of a finger slip inside.

Dean groaned, eyes squeezed shut and his head tossing back and forth on the pillow.

"How does it feel? You're being fucked by an angel. How does that feel?"

Screaming, Dean came so hard it splashed up his chest and splattered on his chin, and his whole body went still as he passed out.

"Hello, Castiel."

Blinking in the bright light of Naomi's office, Castiel frowned in confusion. He was fully dressed, staring at the angel sitting at the desk in the pristine office.

"Naomi -"

"Sorry to interrupt," she smirked.

"I'll bet you are," he said sarcastically.

"Aren't you happy? We let you go. You're with Dean again."

"I won't hurt him."

"You'll do as I say. The time is coming. You'll bring him to me - with the boy."'

"What boy?"

"You'll know. I'll be seeing you very soon. There are more things we need to go over, things you'll need to practice."

Cas took a step forward, anger boiling inside him. "You dare to presume I'll do your bidding. I'm not your puppet, Naomi. I won't hurt Dean. I can't."

"You can. And you will. Good day, Castiel."

He blinked, stared down at Dean, unconscious in his arms, and came hard, buried deep inside him. Cas held Dean close as he came down from his own orgasm. He took a moment to enjoy the sight of Dean covered in come. With a blink, Dean was clean again, nestled into the bed. Cas stood and pulled the blankets over him, smiling at the happy sound Dean made in his sleep.

Cas scratched his head. There was something he needed to remember. It was important, and it affected Dean, but he couldn't grasp it, couldn't pull it into the light.

"Cas?"

Smiling, Cas crawled back into the bed, pulling Dean into his arms. "I'm here, beloved."

"You never called me that before. I like it," Dean said sleepily.

"It describes you well. You are my most loved. I love you so much, Dean."

"Love you too, Cas. I'm so glad you're here." He yawned. "Gonna sleep awhile."

"I'll watch over you," Cas promised, kissing Dean's forehead. "I'll keep you safe."

Dean's skin had cooled considerably, back to a more normal temperature for the human body. Cas reveled in the feel of him close, pulling him tighter.

Whatever he'd been trying to remember must not have been that important.


	15. Indefinitely on Hiatus

Sorry. I don't know when or if this is coming back.


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